Returning: Authentic Movement in the Now

Sometimes we find ourselves in the throws of circumstances we know nothing about, and for which we have no reference point.  Perhaps it is precipitated by a shock, trauma, re-trauma causing a degree of disassociation. We are left almost bereft, uncertain, feeling outside of our normal self.  The world has turned upside down, we try to act, make decisions, behave to and in the completely unfamiliar.  What is, becomes living an estrangement; a betrayal of one's core truth.  In this disorienting position, we grapple with trying to reach an understanding with skills we don't have, that aren't in our normal milieu.  Perhaps the shock has us abandon our centered self, the place of understanding and homeostasis from which we usually operate.

Recovery is not immediate.  There is an unwinding necessary.  Typical destressing techniques don't work, aren't possible in this scenario.  Time is actually the healer, the thing that helps us regain perspective, bringing my externalized self back home.  Returning to the body as a point of reference, returning to the act of listening to the body is a salve that begins to heal the torn fabric of ourselves, our being.

In my mind this is the true value of the Authentic Movement (AM) form.  It's an invitation to return to what Is.  There is a client I have coached for several months and we have used AM in significant ways to reassociate (self)Presence as a prescription.  After a very difficult week of losses, I suggested she do some AM during our session.  Initially, she didn't want to; she felt too tired and she didn't want to do all the angry air punching she felt she would end up doing.  I asked her who in her believed she knew what her tired body would turn to in the moment of dropping in and stillness that is the beginning of the form.  That's a moment that is new, not laden with anticipation or agenda.  We are asked to breathe, sense and Be-- and then finally allow what is to manifest.


She described this session as I have described sessions, as many many others have described sessions, as being an affirmation of the body to Self, an experience of returning to what is true, now. When we stop, breathe, drop in-- the unexpected often happens.

We are our bodies in this way.  Our bodies are a source to return to for a reality check, for our truth to pass through and the rest of me to register.  All of a sudden, the frenetic head energy I've been running on all day is redistributed, transformed to include the rest of me.  I find my strength, my vertical in the presence of the body in the now.

The Lunch Rut: A Renewed Curiosity Outside the Box

One of the reasons we get into ruts is that we stop feeling curiosity and become unacquainted with our life force.  It's an odd occurrence if you think about it.  Why wouldn't we want to feel everyday the excitement and higher vibration that is available in our life?  We become slaves to a routine, a schedule, the patterns that "work" for us, including our daily food intake, exercise, even bathing rituals.

One of the prominent ruts we find ourselves in is the breakfast and lunch rut.  For many, what they eat for breakfast is absolutely routine and unchanged for years.  I know some adults who now cannot abide oatmeal, as they had it everyday of their childhoods.  For many, the car is practically on autopilot to their nearest Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks on the way to work.  There is comfort in having these patterns; they've become rituals, a preparation our inner life almost depends on to bear the boredom or sameness that they are meeting everyday.  For better or worse, these are habits we cling to, often at the expense of the subliminal life force that begs for something different, found in the curiosity of what is now, how I am on this new day and what I might need.  We habitually turn to the familiar as we are far from the caring for the immediate self and we desperately want  something easy, fast and (usually) mindless so we don't have to take the trouble to drop into ourselves.

So breakfasts become a hot grain, granola with fruit, yogurt is a common addition. Every so often for variety of flavor and nutrition, it's a good idea to switch up your oatmeal.  This activity opens the palette and curiosity.  Would cinnamon or cardamon or turmeric go well with millet or amaranth?  what's the best fruit with it?  The trial and error is an interesting process, and it's nice to get to know a new anything.  Most of our breakfasts are sweet, rarely savory.  How different is it for the body to start the day savory as opposed to sweet.  In my experience, sweet wants more sweet, calls for it during the day.  Savory is more a blank canvas and doesn't set me up for "like" during the day like sweet does.

With breakfasts, rarely do you see vegetables. SAD (Standard American Diet) breakfast is usually high in complex/simple carbs and proteins.  Open your hearts and mind.  Vegetables can be a soothing addition, as I found on a trip to China.  Vegetables (baby bok choy and spinach specifically) are at every meal there.  And it was the only food I ate that was reliably good from meal to meal.  By week three, dreading the 100th Chinese meal (not ever my favorite cuisine) of the trip, I always thought, well, at least there will be the simple, delicious, bok choy and spinach.  Since that trip, I regularly include vegetables in my breakfasts. In fact, I sometimes exclusively eat them for breakfast.  They're clean and sustaining; a good way to start the day.  I found a gorgeous head of baby kale at the farmer's market, sauteed it up with some garlic, tahini (protein) and a shot or two of tamari.  So good.  For those wanting more protein, dry roasting some nuts of choice topping it off that way, or some sauteed mushrooms (high in protein) with favored fresh herbs.  Adding some heat via a hot sauce with yogurt on the side is another version.

For those devoted to their oatmeal, other  hot cereal or granola every morning, try adding some innocuous cooked squash (acorn, butternut, delicata), throw in a few frozen cranberries, use maple syrup (lower glycemic value) instead of sugar or honey, add roasted/unroasted seeds or nuts.  These additions not only give you more vegetables and whole foods in the day, they up the nutritional anty of the meal; always a good thing.  these veg don't collide; they are sweet and gentle and not loud.  They know how to elevate the hero of the meal.

Lunch ruts.  I remember (not so fondly) the years and years and YEARS of the routine sandwich.  Followed by the years and years and YEARS of boxed salads.  Ugh.  So tired.  Organic lettuce in a big see- through box has become popular because its so convenient.  But that's all it is.  There is no flavor to be found there and it's totally uninspiring.  So disappointing.  If you are enthusiastic about salads, you'll burn out fairly fast unless you change it up.  Slaws are flavorful, variations relate to all seasons, can be a complete meal and can be pretty to gorgeous in appearance.  They even improve in flavor on day 2 and even day 3. And with roasted cashews spilled over the top, well that's an invitation to nirvana. Using good, honest real lettuce makes a real salad.  Using a blend of three types of leaves makes it more interesting; include texture and color in your choice (ie: raddichio, endive, tender chard). Scissor in some fresh herbs like basil, tarragon, mint; it brightens the flavor.  Don't even think about dressing it with a bought bottle.  No matter it's organic. Simple apple cider or balsamic vinegar after drizzling evoo (extra virgin olive oil), add (pink) salt and pepper.  Clean, bright and delicious. A simple half of a perfectly ripe avocado, salt and pepper, with a squeeze of lemon is the height of luxury and satisfaction.  Chop up a bit of tomato sprinkle it over the avocado with some fresh parsley, cilantro or basil and you have a love variation encapsulated.

Soups are a winter staple, but can wear out their welcome after the 2nd or 3rd month of overuse.  Believe it or not, counterintuitively, going streamlined simple is a way to address thick, hearty winter soup burnout.  Miso is easy and full of nutrition; scoop a tablespoon from the miso box and pour boiling water over it, mixing well.  Top with scallions, tofu if you must and some scissored fresh herbs like chive to makes a complete impression.  Likewise, roasted beef bones made into a deep, rich broth with some rice noodles and scallions is another thin soup that packs a hearty wallop, enriching kidney chi to boot.  Variations would be to add some thin sliced jalapeño pepper, a squeeze of lime, whole tai basil, cilantro, bean sprouts and parsley gives a filling impression to our yearning selves.

Proteins proteins proteins.  We're obsessed with getting our proteins.  Nutritionally, proteins are needed in small amounts.  A portion of animal protein should only be the size of a deck of cards.  Nuts and legumes or whole grain (ie: rice)  make a complete protein.  Again, not a huge amount gives you what is required.  7-10 nuts with a quarter cup of cooked rice does it.  In these terms, proteins become a condiment-size to a meal not the big kahuna.  Proteins ARE in vegetables and herbs as well. Check the nutrition content in herbs I listed in my last post, Herbs: Nutrient packed flavor.  It was surprising to me how much protein is found there and in many greens.

The old standby lunch foods wedged between two pieces of bread (egg, tuna, chicken salad) have other possibilities than what we once knew.  We're used to a dense tuna, chicken, egg salad.  Dense in texture and flavor, combined with usually sub-prime mayonnaise.  In this state, we're used to eating 3 or more eggs at a sitting, or almost a full can of tuna.  Give some breath to these old standbys.  Combine any of these proteins with several vegetables.  Radish, dakon, scallion, 1-2 herbs, chopped spinach, celery, onion, different colored peppers, shredded carrot, capers, pickles.  The choices are almost limitless.  Your final effort should yield 1/3 protein to 2/3 veg.  Keep it all together lightly; a little yogurt/mayo combo (flavored with chive, curry, mustard, hot sauce, etc).  Or try a little evoo (extravirgin olive oil), balsamic, salt and pepper.  It doesn't have to be dense.  It begs not to be dense.  Take one or two gorgeous, generous pieces of whole lettuce (or delicate chard, young kale leaf), put a few tablespoons of the protein mix on it and roll it, tucking in ends like an egg roll or burrito to make a fat cigar shape.  It keeps it all together, is a delightful size and easy to handle, plus the addition of the lettuce gives you more vegetable/fiber.  Pack a few of them for lunch.  They keep and travel well.  You can add toasted seeds or nuts, a little grated cheese to the filling.  If you need more complex flavor, make a dipping sauce that is related to the "moistener" of the contents (i.e.: curried yogurt, evoo/vinegar).  Once one's attitude is altered to protein possibilities and portions and the larger role vegetables should play in our daily diet, we start to think differently, be more creative, think outside the (lunch) box.

If you are able, keeping a few often-used products in a work desk drawer is handy.  A small olive oil bottle to refill as needed, a small favorite vinegar, a whole lemon, an avocado for the week, some dry roasted nuts (an additional salted variety) and/or seeds, some pink salt, a piece of whole fruit or two, some dried fruit.  These can stave off raiding the snack machine indefinitely.  When you open the lemon, throw the used part into a glass of water to get a subtly spunky drink and some alkaline while you're at it.

Having a melt down?  Winter blues setting in? A sorrow anniversary has come around again?  Comfort and joy is required.  We don't have to turn to mac and cheese, sugar cookies and icecream to assuage the low spirits.  We've grown up and we have other options (some of these can be used for lunch as well!).

The simple ("gift of the gods") sweet potato, baked to carmelized perfection hits the spot.  Just bake it 400 degrees for a real long time, 1-1.5 hours, and eat (melts in your mouth goodness).  You don't even have to add butter, but if you have to, you have to.  Adding cinnamon at the end is a treat as well (good antioxidant, too).  While we're on veg, the good ole winter standby of roasted root vegetables is good hot or cold.  Potato, onion, carrots, parsnips, yams, beets, rhutabaga turnips.  Cut one of each up in pleasing shapes and sizes, toss all with olive oil, salt, pepper, fresh rosemary,  and thyme.  Bake in one layer on a cookie sheet at 400 degrees for 1h+; flip them midway.  They are really yummy if they're browned nicely; this means giving them lots of room on the pan, lots of heat space in-between components (might need two cookie sheets). If you make this a lot, try varying the vegetable (ie: pearl onions whole instead of sliced onions, parsnips instead of carrots, etc.).  Because roasted veg is always good, it's the perfect time to try unfamiliar vegetables like rutabagas, turnips, brussel sprouts, even cauliflower;  it's almost impossible to mess up roasted vegetables. Variation experiment with hot sauce, herb variations.  "Himmel und Erde” which means “Heaven and Earth, is a great German comfort food.  Equal parts potato, turnip, apple, peeled (if you have to), boiled together, mash w/ evoo or butter, salt and pepper, splash of (butter)milk or dollop of yogurt, maybe a little cinnamon. Yes, it's where heaven and earth meet, that is for sure.

Moving onto the complex carb hankering... ah, pasta; it in the past has assuaged all forms of boredom, depression, frustration and anger.  Weather unrelenting?  A bowl of pasta is a very good defense.  But, we know how habit forming this is (breaks down into sugars quickly, begging for more before long).  So, a good alternative is baked spagetti squash, turned out of shell, evoo'd, salt and pepper, topped with  homemade tomato sauce (opague some onions and garlic in evoo, throw in some cut up tomatoes or whole cherry tomatos, himalayan pink salt, red pepper flakes. scissor some fresh herbs--basil, parsley).  Sautee some wonderful. fresh mushrooms with sherry, top the squash with this dynamic duo. Bliss it out with shaved parmagiano.  Go to heaven.  

Then there is always the satisfying bowl of rice.  Leave the white rice behind for now and choose brown rice, dirty rice, black rice, Lundberg's red rice, etc.  Grate a couple of teaspoons of fresh romano over it, drizzle with olive oil, pink salt and pepper, fresh chopped herbs of your choice (cilantro, parsley, thyme) and some toasted nuts/seeds. It is the best comfort food there is especially if you're in a mood... lots of vitamin B in there to help with the lows.

Sour moods call for sweetness to offset.  It's easy to feel guilty here, we know we're supposed to ward off sugar.  But, a little "forbidden fruit" goes a long way, and with practice, one gets used to natural sweetness, additional sugar eventually feels like overkill.  Apples cooked in a variety of ways can be very satisfying.  Apple crisp is a delight;  use a lot of seeds, nuts, crystallized ginger, cinnamon, cardamon, oats and a healthy dollop of butter in the "crisp" part; sweeten if you have to with maple syrup. This is very comforting.  To make it extra decadent, eat warm with a dollop of whipping cream or coconut creme.  Beats out in spades cheap cookies and commercial sweets.  Baked apples have a similar composition, but they come in their beautiful, compact packages (and travel well!).  They can even be had for breakfast on the run with no guilt attached.  Often a cup of hot Rooibus tea with a little honey nips the sweet hankering in the bud.  But if you're at the end of the winter and have pretty much "tea'd" yourself out, a cup of hot cocoa with a dollop of coconut creme makes the inner child very happy.  Make it fresh with high grade cocoa, try using almond or coconut milk, grate a bit of fresh ginger, sweeten with honey or maple syrup and make it very rich and dark.  Add a pinch of cinnamon and/or chili pepper to give it some heat, bringing out the flavor exponentially.  The floating cream (coconut or heavy cream) is such a nice thing to sip through.  It puts the tea-blahs in their place.

As you may tell, my food philosophy doesn't include deprivation, or rigidity; nor should yours.  There is no absolutely bad anything that nature created for our sustenance  Bringing a black and white thinking to the table of nourishing ALL of me, just clamps down on exploration and pleasure.  What we eat should be fully pleasurable, fun and nourishing to body, mind and spirit.  

These are just a few suggestions to help switch up what might have become entrenched eating habits.  Making an attitude adjustment about what constitutes lunch, comfort foods and the "main course" (proteins) and how we can include more vegetables (happily!) through our eating adventures, will help us maintain our immune systems and overall wellness.  Curiosity is key.  Experimenting with this readjusted attitude, having some fun, trying unlikely choices opens us up.  This makes us more available to what we really want to eat and how we want to be.  Surprises are around every mealtime corner.

Preparing for Surgery

Surgery is on your (or loved one) horizon.  How to prepare?

Because we are complex, whole people, this is a layered question.  There is the practical outer aspects of preparing and there is the internal aspect (in my mind, also practical).  Whereas every surgery is unique and every person approaching it is unique, there are some universal commonalities.

Anxiety.  Everyone has some degree of anxiety.  Anxiety is promoted by tension, which usually turns to fear which unfolds into streams of negativity.  Finding ways to manage one's anxiety and negativity/fear is key.  Manage is the operating word, because it is only human to have intrepidation moving into the unknown of what will be.  Practically, information gather with gusto.  Find out everything you can about your condition, the nuts and bolts of your surgery including expected anesthesia, the rehabilitation anticipated and the process.  Because of the ACA (Affordable Care Act), it is mandatory for doctors, hospitals and their staff to fully educate their patients on their medical conditions.  There are negative consequences for MDs that don't do this, that don't follow up, or monitor their patient's aftermath from hospitalization (they won't get paid for re-admissions and are accountable to some extent for hospital acquired infections).  Be pro-active, be interested, curious and knowledgeable.  Knowledge is power.  A knowledgeable patient is empowered and that puts you in a strong place entering a vulnerable situation.  With your best inquiring self in place, ask a lot of questions. Keep asking them until you are fully satisfied.  Ignore the huffy healthcare person that is rebuffed or contemptuous of these questions.  Questions help build relationship with healthcare people.  It does not empower or become you to be passive.  If this is difficult for you not to do, good.  It's a challenge to your personal status quo, one you should have challenged a long time ago.  Still, it would be helpful to have an advocate (loved one, family, friend, wellness coach) to saddle up to you through this fact finding mission.  Keep a journal or log of doctor visits, information gathered, thoughts, feelings, experiences with healthcare people.  Practitioners that are deleterious, note and figure how to remedy.  A certain nurse you sense is disinterested, cuts you off, is impatient?  Get another one.  You can ask for this and you can say why.  You want to situate yourself in the best possible position mentally and physically as you can.  So write everything down, chronicle your journey (the good and the bad) and make sure you feel strongly you are in the best  possible place in yourself and in the best of hands walking into your surgery.  Trusting you are optimally positioned before this event means a much better outcome for you.  Having a lack of trust or relationship with your healthcare providers undermines you deeply and this effects your outcomes and healing.

In this anticipatory process the anxiety will get in the way.  You will keep grasping at providers for handholding, your fears will trip you up.  Whereas, its great to gather information, it will not totally alleviate your anxiety.  You must start taking some steps to support your well being.  If  you don't meditate, figuring out what this is for yourself, giving yourself some alone, quiet time every day where there is stillness and breath.  Read up on affirmations.  There are tons of books out there that lead us into a more positive frame of mind through affirmations.  Some are "hokeyer" than others.  You can only skim through potential titles and content to get a feel of what is right for you.  With practice, you start making your own, framing them in your own lingo that feels best for you.  Start some rituals you do everyday.  Five minutes of creative time every day:  write a poem, keep a small book of sketches or quick water colors. A night time ritual of putting yourself to bed; bathing, lotioning, use essential oils, brush your hair, set the "stage" of your bed:  fresh flowers, a candle, meditation tapes.  These are ways we love ourselves, care for ourselves.  Self touch with intention is healing.  You want to kick in the parasympathetic nervous system, the relaxation response, regularly and potently.  The body's cellular memory remembers this and when given the chance goes there more and more easily with these ritual reminders.  Breathe.  Smell the roses.  Smell the coffee.  Take a lot of time to be with yourself and your pleasures. If you don't want to depend on loved ones and you have the resources, hire a wellness coach.  They can give you specific, useful exercises to ground you in quiet and wellness.  After they get to know you, they tailor everything to you, so you will receive optimal, useful information on the pragmatic details as well as the non.  They are your hand holders, the go-to people when a melt down is imminent.  Hired for a specific time period before through after surgery, it is money well spent.

If you are not a pragmatic person, you probably love someone who is.  Enlist this person as an advocate.  Weeks before, have them sit down with you and figure out a strategy and plan for the practical details leading up to the surgery, rehabilitation and beyond.  If you are pragmatic, you probably love someone who is as well (there are a lot of us around!).  Two heads are better than one.  Figure it out together.  How are you getting to (and returning from) the hospital, is your set up at home adequate for your return (do you need a hospital bed, bed-side commode, grab bars for shower, etc)? Schedule helpful visitors for the first two weeks, people who make meals and don't mind doing a little light housework, errands, grocery shop, etc.  Schedule upbeat, easy-going, happy-go-lucky folks; people who have a good comedy DVD collection, who aren't going to do your spirit ill.  Schedule people who know when to stay and when to leave and whom you don't have to entertain (or necessarily entertain you).  Not feeling well is a good excuse to start saying "No" to everything that doesn't feel right.  People who love you won't take offense and will probably learn to be a little more sensitive in their approach.  The best of these folk will help you find the humor in all the "no-s" and be able to bring some lightness to the cranky periods.

These are practical preparations.  The mental and emotional preparation are often the most challenging and also the most important.  When this is well done, the practical becomes a piece of cake, as you are thinking and feeling with more clarity.  Fear isn't the modus operandi.  Also, in being more clear, a plan B often naturally surfaces, always a good thing.  We plan for the worst, hope for the best....  The better your frame of mind and spirit are, the quicker you will rebound, recover.  This is science.  Find your joie de vivre, your life force, your wish to live and prosper and bring them to the event.  Those who are rarin' to go do their physical therapy first thing in the morning post surgery, are positive.  This positivity saturates their being and wellness is theirs.  Their recovery times will be faster, their pain will be less, their outcomes optimal.  They have their endocrine system working for them and their good energy only supports the healing process (unlike the negative which absolutely undermines it).

An upbeat attitude, a good relationship  to and use of your breath and certain essential oils go far in dealing with pain.  Laying a strategy for yourself in dealing with it is important.  In the first few days, take the pain meds allowed.  Trying to be a hero by not taking them can set you back.  In pain, the relaxation response is impossible.  You want those feel good hormones cascading to support your healing process.  You will have good days and you will have bad ones.  Just keep moving through them as best you can, ask for the help you deserve.  All will be well.

Back to Basics

It's probably safe to say, everything (earthly) is grounded in foundational basics.  I am reminded of this as winter continues to challenge human basics like, safety, warmth, shelter;  our time is spent maintaining these basics more ardently unlike other times of the year.

Not to simplify, but if you asked most professionals what is the most important thing about being an expert in their field, many of them would say it is their grasp of the basics in their specific area.  Yes, it is true, professionals have spent numerous creative years evolving their basic knowledge, but it is all grounded in basic understanding.  A basketball coach returns to basics as she increases the skill of her charges, a chess master has the form of the game to return to as he hones his strategy, a farmer knows it is the dirt that matters.  Plants need water and sun, but if the dirt plants grow in isn't renewed and nourished, the plants don't thrive.  Attention to the plants is natural, but attention to how the dirt is fairing is basic to the health of the plant.

And so it is with us.  We are human.  We are supposed to be in flow as pointed out in our several circulation systems (blood, lymph, respiration, cerebral spinal fluids).  Winter or not, flow we must be.  So, getting back to basics for us would be asking questions that we may have gotten distanced from due to weather or lack of sunlight.

Am I hydrated adequately?  Because sweat is not the most obvious occurrence in cold weather, we tend to drink less water in the winter, losing track of fluid intake.  Adequate hydration keeps the various virus' and viral bacteria on the move.  Flushing the system keeps us in flow.

Am I moving enough?  Movement in inertia-prone cold weather, keeps the immune-promoting lymph circulating. It also primes and helps to balance our hormone-producing organs.  It tweaks our pancreas, pineal gland and thyroid.  This is basic for wellness.  Movement supports our winter-waning qi and prana.  Our winter-subdued respirations are woken up and start to flow, activating all the other circulation processes.

What is the quality of my rest?  This probably hinges on one's activity level.  Rest for most 21st century occupants is tied to electronic media or technology.  Gone is the ritual of putting one's feet up in front of a fire and relaxing with a good book.  So, how is your rest?  Do the little-vigilances that we all participate in, let down?  Are they shook up a little bit everyday with deep laughter?  Laughter?  Remember that carefree, releasing action?  Yet another aspect of rest is engaging with spirit.


And finally we come to another basic: nutrition.  Ah, nutrition in winter.... what exactly is that?  The greens available are so uninspiring.  The body craves carbs.  Ugh. Maybe nutrition in winter is about following from the inside out.  What calls me after having tired of endless soups, broths and teas?  Fleshy, golden squash?  Fresh herbs, fragrant and deep in color?  protein-rich mushrooms with their particular dense vibration? an herby-wine poached white fish locally caught?  Potato-garlic mash?  I spend a lot of time being still in the produce section of stores. (I spent about 10 minutes with a bunch of foot long chives the other day, admiring their plump juicy heads, imagining them in a stir fry, or thrown in at the last minute in a fish stew.)  Looking. Watching. Opening.  This is required in winter, unlike the abundant seasons of spring, summer and fall, when the produce is grabbing you with their energy as you try to pass them.  Produce just isn't that spunky in winter.  It travels long distances, and is usually displaced from its normally exotic home.  It's jet-truck lagged?  Been on ice too long?  Sometimes a long opening wait in front of greens is required before you can hear the call.

The qi manifests in glowing embers rather than burning fires.  Ambitions and ego are subdued.  It's a slow time.  Back to basics.

Rebirthing

If it is true that trauma (and ecstasy) are stored in our cells and tissues, impacting our psych and function through our life in subtle and poignant ways, then it would make sense that the events of our birth (and perhaps even conception and gestation) would also be embedded in the deep foundation of who we are.

Aileen Crow and Sandy Jamrog have a chapter in Encyclopedia of Childbearing, Oryx Press, 1993, titled:  "Spontaneous Rebirthing", in which they say: "A person's own experiences of being born, whether or not they are remembered, determines many of their deepest and most basic beliefs.  These are called birth-engendered beliefs.   Beliefs are not just abstract thoughts; they are psychophysical realities.

Everybody knows that tension interferes with breathing and efficient muscular function.   What is not common knowledge is that unresolved perinatal experiences can initiate patterns that tend to live on throughout a person's whole life on a non-verbal and non-conscious level.  Birth-engendered beliefs are anchored in the body, in the musculature, the fascia,and the cells of the body.  They live in the body's memory, in breathing and movement patterns which condition perception and the interpretation of experience.  They affect behavior and relationships throughout life, as Stanislav Grof (1985), Arthur Janov (1983), Sondra Ray and Bob Mandel (1987) have shown."  Also,  "Birth-engendered beliefs can help or hinder a woman's experience of giving birth.  For example, a belief such as,"Nothing good comes easy" may interfere with the birth process by functioning as a non-conscious imperative that must be obeyed.  Patterns of unresolved conflict tend to repeat themselves.  When a prospective mother experiences a spontaneous rebirthing, an opportunity is being presented to complete some important learning about her own birth that might otherwise interfere with her giving birth to a child."

These "patterns of unresolved conflict" can be said to be a type of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) and as mentioned in an earlier post, Somatic Healing, can often be effectively dealt with working with a competent bodyworker.

Rebirthing is the actual intention a bodyworker and client have together to go back to the moment of birth and hopefully resolve the conflict or trauma present, through movement, sound and breath (talk not usually being the primary therapeutic modality).  Rebirthing also can occur spontaneously if one is an altered state, deeply relaxed or experiences a trigger that sets the memory into play.  The latter could be a PTSD reoccurrence unless facilitated by a competent bodyworker.

"Living as they do in the body, birth-engendered patterns and their accompanying beliefs are accessible to receptive, non-invasive touch,and to an attitude respectful of the purpose behind the person's rebirthing experience.  we have found that the use of hyperventilation to induce emotional involvement is unnecessary."

'In the old days', rebirthing was accomplished through specific (and in my opinion, contrived and static) breathing patterns.  This approach itself was rough and unto itself, tended to be somewhat traumatic.  A gifted bodyworker these days uses the basis of healing relationship to encourage the right breathing pattern for the right moment (naturally arrived at by the trusting client);  as Crow/Jamrog indicate above, receptivity, non-invasive touch and a respectful attitude are key to a successful rebirthing experience.

"People sometimes go into spontaneous rebirth experiences during bodywork sessions when they are encouraged to pay attention to sensations, feelings and movement impulses.  Releasing tension might also disrupt habitual holding patterns that may be covering early traumatic conflict, and so stimulate spontaneous rebirth experiences. "

This statement of Crow/Jamrog would indicate the imperative need to engage a seasoned bodyworker with whom to evolve a trusting, healing relationship.  Such a practitioner should be sensitive and experienced in recognizing subtle tensions and physical patterns, is able to witness movement tensions and has the maturity to be discriminating in action in order to facilitate a healing.  A successful rebirthing is a liberation.  It makes possible and provides capacity when there was none prior.

Aileen Crow has been an Alexander teacher since 1969.  She taught at ACAT in New York City until she formed her own AT training program in 1978.  She is a Creativity Counselor in private practice in NYC and in New City, NY, is a Laban Movement Analyst (since 1969) and a Dreambody Process-Oriented therapist.   Her most recent interests are calligraphy, Solo Focusing and transforming trauma.

Aileen's more recent writings have been in A Moving Journal (1993-2006 ),  AuthenticMovementCommunity Blog, and the Journal of Authentic Movement and Somatic  Inquiry (JAMSI) AuthenticMovement.Journal.com.

Sandra Jamrog  is a Teacher and Practitioner of Body-Mind Centering, an Infant Developmental Movement Educator and a Childbirth Educator.  She is certified with The National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork and a New York State Licensed Massage Therapist. Sandra has been working with birth and parenting since 1974

Authentic Movement: Flying Solo

"When the movement was simple and inevitable, not to be changed no matter how limited or partial, it became what I called 'authentic' – it could be recognized as genuine, belonging to that person." 

-- Mary Whitehouse

Authentic Movement (AM) is a practice that has been used for over half a century to express the creative impulse, unwind the subliminal, subconscious material below ones external layers, and to inform.  AM as a practice is valuable because it is seated in sincerity.  This is possible because one has taken the risk of sensitizing and grounding the body enough for the (often hidden) authentic to surface. One's being senses an openness, a more whole and deeper listening quality; Self-trust ensues. These conditions allow for sincerity, authenticity to make its way to the surface of ourselves, a willingness to be exposed.

"The movement becomes 'authentic' when the individual is able to allow their intuitive impulses to freely express themselves without intellectual directive, as opposed to movement initiated by conscious decision making – a distinction which may appear clear, but practically a challenge. Individuals simply pay attention to what they feel at a sensory level, since "the core of the movement experience is the sensation of moving and being moved."*

With over twenty-five years of doing the practice, at present, there are two aspects of AM that are deeply intriguing to me.  1: This idea of using the form in relation to an intention, allowing the organism to be "informed" by a greater, more sensitized intelligence (a distinct probability in the AM form), and 2: the possibility of doing AM solo.

"In the Authentic Movement aspect of Whitehouse's approach, the moving participants (movers) are passively observed by a witness, who 'contains' the experience of the mover by witnessing their movements without judgement, projection or interpretation. In this way the witness is also an active participant, as witnessing is a practice in observing one's own sensations and impulses while observing the mover's. It's important to note that Whitehouse created many individual, dyadic and group experiences to create a context for moving from inner sensation and whole-body experience." *

In relation to #1 above, traditionally AM is not practiced with an intention looking for information or answers.  An intention in some ways is counter to the idea of being open to what is and most probably prone to "intellectual directive."  Traditionally or not, intention or not, material surfaces during an AM session which often clarifies.  When one is "ripe", internally holding something, these are "low hanging fruit" conditions; AM often brings it to the surface for plucking, like it or not.  I have explored using the form in relation to unfinished dreams in this way, very successfully.

In relation to #2, the traditional form of AM always includes the basic role of witness and mover.  But as Whitehead says in the above quotes,  it is truly a dual action.  In the AM process, mover becomes witness and witness becomes her own mover (through her sensations of what is seen, energetically received and her own impulses).  If one is practiced at holding this dual space for oneself and another, has routinely a strong inner witness while moving, then experiencing the form solo might be very rich.

So, with the threat of breaking the rules of this beloved form, I set out to make an experiment.  I have an intention to understand something I've been ruminating about as of late and want to use AM to shed some light.  At the moment, I don't have the benefit of others to support me as witnesses.  I wish to try this premise of setting an intention and buoying up my own inner witness to do the holding-the-container job, simultaneously.

My impromptu moving space is private; an unused tennis court in the middle of the woods.  With a tip of my hat to the external witness role, I place my water bottle on a bench as a witness figurehead and find my place in the space in relation to it.  What ensues is a sublime experience of moving in and out, an experience of levels going deeper and moving closer to the surface and then back again. Left hand perpendicular to the ground moves in circles, smoothing the way.  Right hand/arm gently opening, closing, a love energy moving toward my heart, a gathering.  I experience an "intellectual directive" in myself.  Move forward!  Move forward!  Why are you only going side to side?! Move forward! or "Ugh oh. I'm moving in circles, oh dear, please don't let me move in circles!"  She walks with the one that isn't interested in directive, but needing to respond from a deeper impulse. I will move as I move.  Everything in its own time. There is a parlay, an exchange, a finding one's place in that. An acknowledged relationship between them exists.  Even the external environment becomes part of the process, not to be excluded nor seen as a happenstance, but an integral part of the whole. Rotating my torso, my eye catches a cloud of mosquitoes ready to land on me.  I start swatting at them and become momentarily disengaged from my depth.  Yes! Distractions are forever at the ready! I laugh.  Off balance, awkward, ungainly movements... all the tripping that is necessary before a transformation.

Everyone that comes to Authentic Movement should have that incredible experience of being held, seen, and witnessed by others.  There is nothing like it.  It makes possible entry into deep (dark) places.  It makes it safe for aspects of the self, often hidden and buried, to resurface and become visible. It builds and supports ones own inner witness.  But with enough practice, is it possible to do both simultaneously, go solo?

This experience on the tennis court was not a "traditional" experience of AM.  But for the place I am in my life, in my practice, this was exactly right.  It is required of me, where I sit in myself at this moment in time, to experience the dualities and how they sing and move together, and even how they transform each other or at least the consciousness around them.  I need the formerly invisible to walk with that intellectual directive, neither one to take charge, but live in a proximity that allows and encourages the other to exist.  

The truth is, I'm not young (relatively).  I'm not a newbie.  I am seasoned.  I am mature.  Another possibility for use of the form is necessary at this time.

Dynamics of an Inner Call

I probably should be a little ashamed to say there are very few books inspiring enough to return to again and again.  M. P. Pandit's, Dynamics of Yoga is one such book,  even if one doesn't consider oneself a dedicated Yogi.  Why is this book so compelling?  For me what is so powerful, besides his honest straightforward observations about yoga practice, is that you can feel the man in the page.  A lot of writers say a lot of smart, wise things.  But their written 'truths' are often an attempt to understand. Writing can frequently become a subtle disguise of wanting to know.  Pandit is not preachy, he's just himself; a 'himself' that is loaded with understanding.  Whenever I need a reality check or reminder, I pick this book up.

"I give what I really want so that one day they may want what I really want to give.... This is a great spiritual truth.  The Divine gives in order to create a link with us so that even by that external contact some communication is established as a result of which one day an identity can take place."

I've had a meditation practice for almost 35 years.  As would be expected, this practice has changed, faltered, evolved, seemingly devolved, looked and behaved differently over the decades.  Sometimes, I need some reassurances.

"It is necessary to sit for meditation regularly so that the habit is created and when a continued state of receptivity is required for the higher consciousness to descend into you and work in you, you are not found wanting.  You can immediately put yourself into a poise where undistracted by anything else you are in a position to receive what comes and let it work in you.  Length of time is not as important as the cultivation of a habit of meditation from this point of view...... It is the spirit of the prayer room, the spirit of meditation, that has to be carried bodily into the place of work and the place of the work has to be turned into a veritable place for meditation to be rendered into dynamic work."

It is often interpreted in most teachings, the body is considered a lesser aspect of a human's whole (in spiritual terms).  Those on a quest of the spirit often fall into a disregard to the here and now of the body.  Besides its way of waking us up to the present and reacquainting us with its relationship to the spirit, the body has a relationship to an embodied consciousness, .
"... The body also is a form of God, not the soul alone.  The physical body is after all the base that determines the health of the various other bodies that are erected on the foundation of the physical...[the Mother] believed,-- and I have seen possible, that by certain controlled movements of the body and the limbs, it is possible to awaken what is called the physical consciousness, that part of the consciousness localised in the material body."

Grappling with the concept of faith in practice sometimes leads one into a mired quandary. Pandit clarifies with simplicity.  "... faith is a conviction that is spontaneously there in the being.  It is a reflection of the soul's knowledge, the soul's perception of something that is yet to be realized by the rest of the being.  This reflection of the soul's knowledge in any part of the being carries a conviction about its certitude.  We may not be able to explain why it is so, but it does carry that certitude."

In all practices, there is a relinquishing of control, a let go.  This is an experience of levels, a necessary meeting of the lower to higher, the coarse to fine, the outer to the inner.
"Surrendered doesn't mean that you surrender your judgements, or your discrimination.  Surrender means the submission of your individual puny will [to that] which you recognize to be greater than yours. You turn your will for action to the vibrations of a higher will so that the higher may work through you. Your preferences, your likes and dislikes, your choices-- it is these that should be surrendered to the higher wisdom. The higher wisdom indeed works for your own welfare, and for the total welfare, much better than what you could with your limited intelligence.  Activity, however, must go on; on the plea that one has surrendered, one should not just remain passive.  The Mother points out that you sink into inertia if you sit back saying 'let God's will be done.'  It has to be an active surrender, a dynamic surrender.  You must place your enlightened will at the disposal of the higher will and continue to follow its guidance, to translate the command from above into day to day action."

Living in this way can seem quite counter to ordinary daily life.  Yet, Pandit's tone is always encouraging,  hopeful and steeped in kindness.  His is a voice worth revisiting time and again.