Aging: Willing to Change

I've written a lot on aging.  And I've written a lot on changing.  But I'm always surprised at our human propensity try as we do, to make every effort to do neither.

I've lived a fairly long time, been through almost all of the developmental stages and have witnessed thousands of times others going through them.  The bridges between the stages are the most interesting, where most of the unknown rests.  We are between two stools, so to speak.  It takes a graceful adjustment (hopefully) once we come out of our denial that that is where we are.  And the feeling into that unknown (especially if it seems like a down turn) is where our decades of maturity comes in handy.

The willingness to change is required.  Tweaking or revamping nutritional needs to optimize our sense of wellbeing.  Adding supplements to support usurped nutrients the body isn't so robustly producing on its own.  Experimenting with alternative forms of healthcare like acupuncture, botanicals, homeopathy or naturopathy, chiropractic or bodywork for aches or pains that don't resolve themselves like they did when one was younger.  Recognizing stretching is a requirement, no longer a "it-would-be-nice-to do-if-you-can" prior to exercise or to relieve ligaments and muscles that tighten a lot more easily.  Taking a pro-active, preventative, and informed approach to one's health and in relationship to the healthcare industry is a mature step.

From my prospective as an aging person and someone who experiences a lot of aging people a lot of the time, mental and attitudinal flexibility is also a vital component to a joyful old age.   The "firebrand", reactive aspect is something to accept and be interested in in much younger folks.  The young are  finding their way in the world, discovering their values, forming an identity.  We have the capacity after a lot of living, to hold them in a safe container until they figure it out; to not judge or criticize them for their search.  Reactivity in an older person indicates that a personal understanding and healing hasn't been reached, a wholeness not found.  Especially in a dire political climate-- that discretionary, centered, more whole perspective is needed from elders to help balance the host of others in their 20's through (often) '50s who are in reaction/crisis mode a lot of the time and which effects their equilibrium, communities and the world energetically.  Because we've "been to the rodeo" a few times and hopefully done a fair amount of living, hurting, healing and the rest. Gandhi's proposal, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world", is a serious undertaking for an elder.

The Lunch Rut: A Renewed Curiosity Outside the Box

One of the reasons we get into ruts is that we stop feeling curiosity and become unacquainted with our life force.  It's an odd occurrence if you think about it.  Why wouldn't we want to feel everyday the excitement and higher vibration that is available in our life?  We become slaves to a routine, a schedule, the patterns that "work" for us, including our daily food intake, exercise, even bathing rituals.

One of the prominent ruts we find ourselves in is the breakfast and lunch rut.  For many, what they eat for breakfast is absolutely routine and unchanged for years.  I know some adults who now cannot abide oatmeal, as they had it everyday of their childhoods.  For many, the car is practically on autopilot to their nearest Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks on the way to work.  There is comfort in having these patterns; they've become rituals, a preparation our inner life almost depends on to bear the boredom or sameness that they are meeting everyday.  For better or worse, these are habits we cling to, often at the expense of the subliminal life force that begs for something different, found in the curiosity of what is now, how I am on this new day and what I might need.  We habitually turn to the familiar as we are far from the caring for the immediate self and we desperately want  something easy, fast and (usually) mindless so we don't have to take the trouble to drop into ourselves.

So breakfasts become a hot grain, granola with fruit, yogurt is a common addition. Every so often for variety of flavor and nutrition, it's a good idea to switch up your oatmeal.  This activity opens the palette and curiosity.  Would cinnamon or cardamon or turmeric go well with millet or amaranth?  what's the best fruit with it?  The trial and error is an interesting process, and it's nice to get to know a new anything.  Most of our breakfasts are sweet, rarely savory.  How different is it for the body to start the day savory as opposed to sweet.  In my experience, sweet wants more sweet, calls for it during the day.  Savory is more a blank canvas and doesn't set me up for "like" during the day like sweet does.

With breakfasts, rarely do you see vegetables. SAD (Standard American Diet) breakfast is usually high in complex/simple carbs and proteins.  Open your hearts and mind.  Vegetables can be a soothing addition, as I found on a trip to China.  Vegetables (baby bok choy and spinach specifically) are at every meal there.  And it was the only food I ate that was reliably good from meal to meal.  By week three, dreading the 100th Chinese meal (not ever my favorite cuisine) of the trip, I always thought, well, at least there will be the simple, delicious, bok choy and spinach.  Since that trip, I regularly include vegetables in my breakfasts. In fact, I sometimes exclusively eat them for breakfast.  They're clean and sustaining; a good way to start the day.  I found a gorgeous head of baby kale at the farmer's market, sauteed it up with some garlic, tahini (protein) and a shot or two of tamari.  So good.  For those wanting more protein, dry roasting some nuts of choice topping it off that way, or some sauteed mushrooms (high in protein) with favored fresh herbs.  Adding some heat via a hot sauce with yogurt on the side is another version.

For those devoted to their oatmeal, other  hot cereal or granola every morning, try adding some innocuous cooked squash (acorn, butternut, delicata), throw in a few frozen cranberries, use maple syrup (lower glycemic value) instead of sugar or honey, add roasted/unroasted seeds or nuts.  These additions not only give you more vegetables and whole foods in the day, they up the nutritional anty of the meal; always a good thing.  these veg don't collide; they are sweet and gentle and not loud.  They know how to elevate the hero of the meal.

Lunch ruts.  I remember (not so fondly) the years and years and YEARS of the routine sandwich.  Followed by the years and years and YEARS of boxed salads.  Ugh.  So tired.  Organic lettuce in a big see- through box has become popular because its so convenient.  But that's all it is.  There is no flavor to be found there and it's totally uninspiring.  So disappointing.  If you are enthusiastic about salads, you'll burn out fairly fast unless you change it up.  Slaws are flavorful, variations relate to all seasons, can be a complete meal and can be pretty to gorgeous in appearance.  They even improve in flavor on day 2 and even day 3. And with roasted cashews spilled over the top, well that's an invitation to nirvana. Using good, honest real lettuce makes a real salad.  Using a blend of three types of leaves makes it more interesting; include texture and color in your choice (ie: raddichio, endive, tender chard). Scissor in some fresh herbs like basil, tarragon, mint; it brightens the flavor.  Don't even think about dressing it with a bought bottle.  No matter it's organic. Simple apple cider or balsamic vinegar after drizzling evoo (extra virgin olive oil), add (pink) salt and pepper.  Clean, bright and delicious. A simple half of a perfectly ripe avocado, salt and pepper, with a squeeze of lemon is the height of luxury and satisfaction.  Chop up a bit of tomato sprinkle it over the avocado with some fresh parsley, cilantro or basil and you have a love variation encapsulated.

Soups are a winter staple, but can wear out their welcome after the 2nd or 3rd month of overuse.  Believe it or not, counterintuitively, going streamlined simple is a way to address thick, hearty winter soup burnout.  Miso is easy and full of nutrition; scoop a tablespoon from the miso box and pour boiling water over it, mixing well.  Top with scallions, tofu if you must and some scissored fresh herbs like chive to makes a complete impression.  Likewise, roasted beef bones made into a deep, rich broth with some rice noodles and scallions is another thin soup that packs a hearty wallop, enriching kidney chi to boot.  Variations would be to add some thin sliced jalapeño pepper, a squeeze of lime, whole tai basil, cilantro, bean sprouts and parsley gives a filling impression to our yearning selves.

Proteins proteins proteins.  We're obsessed with getting our proteins.  Nutritionally, proteins are needed in small amounts.  A portion of animal protein should only be the size of a deck of cards.  Nuts and legumes or whole grain (ie: rice)  make a complete protein.  Again, not a huge amount gives you what is required.  7-10 nuts with a quarter cup of cooked rice does it.  In these terms, proteins become a condiment-size to a meal not the big kahuna.  Proteins ARE in vegetables and herbs as well. Check the nutrition content in herbs I listed in my last post, Herbs: Nutrient packed flavor.  It was surprising to me how much protein is found there and in many greens.

The old standby lunch foods wedged between two pieces of bread (egg, tuna, chicken salad) have other possibilities than what we once knew.  We're used to a dense tuna, chicken, egg salad.  Dense in texture and flavor, combined with usually sub-prime mayonnaise.  In this state, we're used to eating 3 or more eggs at a sitting, or almost a full can of tuna.  Give some breath to these old standbys.  Combine any of these proteins with several vegetables.  Radish, dakon, scallion, 1-2 herbs, chopped spinach, celery, onion, different colored peppers, shredded carrot, capers, pickles.  The choices are almost limitless.  Your final effort should yield 1/3 protein to 2/3 veg.  Keep it all together lightly; a little yogurt/mayo combo (flavored with chive, curry, mustard, hot sauce, etc).  Or try a little evoo (extravirgin olive oil), balsamic, salt and pepper.  It doesn't have to be dense.  It begs not to be dense.  Take one or two gorgeous, generous pieces of whole lettuce (or delicate chard, young kale leaf), put a few tablespoons of the protein mix on it and roll it, tucking in ends like an egg roll or burrito to make a fat cigar shape.  It keeps it all together, is a delightful size and easy to handle, plus the addition of the lettuce gives you more vegetable/fiber.  Pack a few of them for lunch.  They keep and travel well.  You can add toasted seeds or nuts, a little grated cheese to the filling.  If you need more complex flavor, make a dipping sauce that is related to the "moistener" of the contents (i.e.: curried yogurt, evoo/vinegar).  Once one's attitude is altered to protein possibilities and portions and the larger role vegetables should play in our daily diet, we start to think differently, be more creative, think outside the (lunch) box.

If you are able, keeping a few often-used products in a work desk drawer is handy.  A small olive oil bottle to refill as needed, a small favorite vinegar, a whole lemon, an avocado for the week, some dry roasted nuts (an additional salted variety) and/or seeds, some pink salt, a piece of whole fruit or two, some dried fruit.  These can stave off raiding the snack machine indefinitely.  When you open the lemon, throw the used part into a glass of water to get a subtly spunky drink and some alkaline while you're at it.

Having a melt down?  Winter blues setting in? A sorrow anniversary has come around again?  Comfort and joy is required.  We don't have to turn to mac and cheese, sugar cookies and icecream to assuage the low spirits.  We've grown up and we have other options (some of these can be used for lunch as well!).

The simple ("gift of the gods") sweet potato, baked to carmelized perfection hits the spot.  Just bake it 400 degrees for a real long time, 1-1.5 hours, and eat (melts in your mouth goodness).  You don't even have to add butter, but if you have to, you have to.  Adding cinnamon at the end is a treat as well (good antioxidant, too).  While we're on veg, the good ole winter standby of roasted root vegetables is good hot or cold.  Potato, onion, carrots, parsnips, yams, beets, rhutabaga turnips.  Cut one of each up in pleasing shapes and sizes, toss all with olive oil, salt, pepper, fresh rosemary,  and thyme.  Bake in one layer on a cookie sheet at 400 degrees for 1h+; flip them midway.  They are really yummy if they're browned nicely; this means giving them lots of room on the pan, lots of heat space in-between components (might need two cookie sheets). If you make this a lot, try varying the vegetable (ie: pearl onions whole instead of sliced onions, parsnips instead of carrots, etc.).  Because roasted veg is always good, it's the perfect time to try unfamiliar vegetables like rutabagas, turnips, brussel sprouts, even cauliflower;  it's almost impossible to mess up roasted vegetables. Variation experiment with hot sauce, herb variations.  "Himmel und Erde” which means “Heaven and Earth, is a great German comfort food.  Equal parts potato, turnip, apple, peeled (if you have to), boiled together, mash w/ evoo or butter, salt and pepper, splash of (butter)milk or dollop of yogurt, maybe a little cinnamon. Yes, it's where heaven and earth meet, that is for sure.

Moving onto the complex carb hankering... ah, pasta; it in the past has assuaged all forms of boredom, depression, frustration and anger.  Weather unrelenting?  A bowl of pasta is a very good defense.  But, we know how habit forming this is (breaks down into sugars quickly, begging for more before long).  So, a good alternative is baked spagetti squash, turned out of shell, evoo'd, salt and pepper, topped with  homemade tomato sauce (opague some onions and garlic in evoo, throw in some cut up tomatoes or whole cherry tomatos, himalayan pink salt, red pepper flakes. scissor some fresh herbs--basil, parsley).  Sautee some wonderful. fresh mushrooms with sherry, top the squash with this dynamic duo. Bliss it out with shaved parmagiano.  Go to heaven.  

Then there is always the satisfying bowl of rice.  Leave the white rice behind for now and choose brown rice, dirty rice, black rice, Lundberg's red rice, etc.  Grate a couple of teaspoons of fresh romano over it, drizzle with olive oil, pink salt and pepper, fresh chopped herbs of your choice (cilantro, parsley, thyme) and some toasted nuts/seeds. It is the best comfort food there is especially if you're in a mood... lots of vitamin B in there to help with the lows.

Sour moods call for sweetness to offset.  It's easy to feel guilty here, we know we're supposed to ward off sugar.  But, a little "forbidden fruit" goes a long way, and with practice, one gets used to natural sweetness, additional sugar eventually feels like overkill.  Apples cooked in a variety of ways can be very satisfying.  Apple crisp is a delight;  use a lot of seeds, nuts, crystallized ginger, cinnamon, cardamon, oats and a healthy dollop of butter in the "crisp" part; sweeten if you have to with maple syrup. This is very comforting.  To make it extra decadent, eat warm with a dollop of whipping cream or coconut creme.  Beats out in spades cheap cookies and commercial sweets.  Baked apples have a similar composition, but they come in their beautiful, compact packages (and travel well!).  They can even be had for breakfast on the run with no guilt attached.  Often a cup of hot Rooibus tea with a little honey nips the sweet hankering in the bud.  But if you're at the end of the winter and have pretty much "tea'd" yourself out, a cup of hot cocoa with a dollop of coconut creme makes the inner child very happy.  Make it fresh with high grade cocoa, try using almond or coconut milk, grate a bit of fresh ginger, sweeten with honey or maple syrup and make it very rich and dark.  Add a pinch of cinnamon and/or chili pepper to give it some heat, bringing out the flavor exponentially.  The floating cream (coconut or heavy cream) is such a nice thing to sip through.  It puts the tea-blahs in their place.

As you may tell, my food philosophy doesn't include deprivation, or rigidity; nor should yours.  There is no absolutely bad anything that nature created for our sustenance  Bringing a black and white thinking to the table of nourishing ALL of me, just clamps down on exploration and pleasure.  What we eat should be fully pleasurable, fun and nourishing to body, mind and spirit.  

These are just a few suggestions to help switch up what might have become entrenched eating habits.  Making an attitude adjustment about what constitutes lunch, comfort foods and the "main course" (proteins) and how we can include more vegetables (happily!) through our eating adventures, will help us maintain our immune systems and overall wellness.  Curiosity is key.  Experimenting with this readjusted attitude, having some fun, trying unlikely choices opens us up.  This makes us more available to what we really want to eat and how we want to be.  Surprises are around every mealtime corner.

Creativity and Wellness

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”  – Albert Einstein

Creativity is an aspect of the spirit, the free flow of (divine?) energy through the Self/self.  Creative impulse is dependent upon the senses to manifest.
Our visual, auditory, tactile, kinesthetic, gustatory and olfactory 'receptors' or senses, are the conduit from which creativity flows through and from.  Our sixth sense, proprioception (the general sensation of our bodies, including intuition), is also a receptor to creative expression.

“If you do not answer the noise and urgency of your gifts, they will turn on you, or drag you down with their immense sadness at being abandoned.”-- Joy Harjo, Crazy Brave

Wellness is deeply related to the contact we have or don't have to our innate creativity.  In a way, our relationship to our creativity-- the essential 'juice' in our life, is how we know ourselves.  It's our Home.  Satisfaction, Pleasure, Wonder, deep Feeling all live there; the place where meaning resides and where we long to be. If we are cut off from this, we are cut off from ourselves and our health will be negatively and profoundly impacted.

“Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.” ― Eric Fromm

Being related to one's creative spirit is to be engaged in some measure to joy, curiosity or wonder.  Hence, in this relationship, many of the body's relaxation markers are usually in full effect, countering normal stress.  It is most often fun, enjoyable and deeply pleasing to one's being to be in the creative.  Even when problem solving, or weighing creative responses to a 'call' of the imagination, the sifting and dissemination of one's creative impressions are both interesting and relaxing, even though there might be considerable stimulation.

There is no downside to exploring and participating in one's creativity.  And, there are a myriad of reasons why it is damaging not to do so.  Mostly, one cannot really know oneself, one's purpose without opening to the wild-woolly, quietly-sublime spirit that lies within.  And not fully knowing, or frequently experiencing that in one's unique journey in a lifetime-- well, it's just not good for you.


“We tried to make something much more holistic and simple. When you first start off trying to solve a problem, the first solutions you come up with are very complex, and most people stop there. But if you keep going, and live with the problem and peel more layers of the onion off, you can often times arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions.”
 -- Steve Jobs

Creativity takes many forms through life's continuum.  Watching small children exploring their creativity is like experiencing the force of an open fire hydrant.  They gush forth energetically; their stream of imagination, powerfully raw. There is no holds barred, no clamping down or editing themselves, no self-consciousness.  They ride the tumultuous rapids known as their flow, ecstatic in the wild ride.  As we age, creativity becomes more nuanced and sublime.  With maturity comes an ability to listen more deeply and globally.  We have a more seasoned willingness to step back and watch the force unfold, rather than ride the rapids of the creative known in an earlier period.  It tends to be a slower, measured and richer experience after 40 as opposed to the intense, tumultuous experience of a younger person.  We trust the process.  As Jobs says above, a [mature] person has the patience and experience to keep peeling the layers away, staying with the question, problem, participating in crafting the experience in the process.  It's a different type of transformation.

Transformation is the by-product of being in the creative state.  Whether it be breathing through the development of a mathematical equation for those so inclined, or following the body's impulses in a movement exploration be it sport or art, the creative spirit strikes Home differently in all types, indeed all human beings.    

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” ― Martha Graham

What makes for a state of wellness is complex.  But inextricably linked to it is the health of the spirit.  The health of the spirit is founded in the creative.  The first few words of Graham's statement above are also familiar words used to describe wellness:  vitality, life force, energy.  If you possess these qualities, you are considered robustly healthy.  Spirit illnesses, like addiction, chronic anxiety or misery, grief or depression are serious states of dis-ease that leave our creative reservoirs and health coffers empty.  It is as if a firm lid is on the wealth of our interior riches, our vitality and life force, as Graham puts it.  Those who suffer this, suffer illness; a loss of essential capacity, a compromised refuge to the Self.

Creativity and Wellness are essential operating elements to being a Whole person.  They are inextricably linked and pay service to the other.  As a culture, we must start seeing and nourishing this relationship, instead of denying its importance.  This relationship is not negligible; our health and wellness depend upon it.

Present to Death

Death and dying and contemplating this passage for oneself is a sobering reckoning most of us visit privately and with others at least a few times in life's journey.  A recent experience of this topic discussed among friends stayed with me for several days, and I feel compelled to write about it.

We all die.  And, if we are honest, we are afraid to do so.  If we had a chance to choose how to die, it would basically come down to a choice of the least unpalatable means (wishful thinking) for most of us.  What interested me in the aforementioned conversation among friends was the general insistence felt among the many in the conversation that they be present to themselves and the experience of dying; they wished not to miss the process, not to be in a drugged stupor nor apparent absence of dementia, but to experience their life to the fullest right up to the end.

As a nurse, all I could think was, "may the angels not be listening to this."  This human existence is an endless series of rounds of suffering (and joy).  There is no avoidance of pain.  It's our birthright and payment we make as human beings.  Experiencing our thresholds of pain in different layers is a valuable, even an illuminating materiality that can bring a richness to one's life.  That experience is something we take on willingly, especially if we know there is an end to it, a reprieve in sight (i.e. childbirth, brief uncomfortable procedures, a really bad headache, a divorce with a court date).  Pain medications are a god send when you need them.  Our pain thresholds decrease as we age.  The more frail we become, the more acutely we feel pain.  Pain medication and adjunct therapies that address pain receptors in our bodies/brains (clinical aromatherapy, bodywork, energy work, acupuncture, qigong) should be freely accessed if possible.

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A question came to me when discussing this idea of being fully "present" right up to the end:  How could we not be present to this cataclysmic event, same as the impossibility of not being present to our birth?  We are born as Whole selves.  Seemingly our purpose is to find how to live this wholeness in the time we are given.  We don't spend a lot of time knowing or experiencing this.  We don't know how, but (hopefully) spend a lifetime working toward being in relationship to the Whole that we are.  But despite this lack, we are still One.  A muscle is still a muscle even if it is atrophied.  We can't miss our passing because we're in a coma, or in a medication-induced delirium.  To imply this, is to believe Presence is a cognitive state.  It is not.

The body is an incredible dimensional, layered and impossibly complex organism.  Some type of life is going on in a person living in a coma. Arnie and Amy Mindell have proven this in their studies of coma patients.  You just have to hang 
around people in these altered states for a period of time to sense this is true.  We on the outside are 
not privy to this passage they are moving through.  But there is no mistake the experience of moving 
toward a death is not passing them by.  In the case of quick, usually violent deaths (it is my opinion), 
the layers of ourselves (body, energybody, spirit, soul) are separated.  And there is a need to re-assemble 
before a passing is complete.  There is a presence in this, an actual energetic movement toward the 
Wholeness we are in body on earth, and probably beyond.

So, we may have these temporary distractions of suffering, agony, trauma, violence which ultimately leads to our death, but our innate divinity is always present.  It's the thing that leads us Home, through this important transition.  We seemingly are in preparation our entire lives for this moment, are living this truth in small ways almost on a daily basis; through our system changes, relationships, the almost inconsequential letting go and acceptances that is our daily bread.  The cultivation of a deeper understanding of the layers of presence possible to be earned in a lifetime, is a support to an actualization at (bodily) death.  It is impossible not to be present to one's own death.  The cells, the energy fields within our body system are constant cues, despite our denial variations or momentary circumstances that seem to remove a consciousness from the equation.  The reality of the breath and depth of consciousness sinks in.  Consciousness... Presence are not cognitive activities.  They are a fuller, deeper, more whole experience, connected within, connected without.

Place Travel: Experiencing Culture

The experience of being in another culture foreign from the one you usually find yourself is valuable on many levels.  It forces us to alter our habits and witness the values of others, as surreal as it may sometimes be. There is an internal tugging that goes on frequently, when differences are before you.  "I don't like this.... I don't like that" are frequently felt.  It is liberating to have the experience of necessarily detaching from these likes and dislikes in order to get through the day.  It opens our internal doors and windows and allows another breeze to blow through.

One doesn’t have to go far to “travel” to other cultures.  The Mall and Walmart are foreign cultures to many:  Chinatown-USA, a boyscout camp, an outdoor fish market, a truck stop.  Cultural dynamics are everywhere; family of origin, college campus’, places of worship.  All geographical areas have their unique and peculiar culture (shore communities, wooded rural places, mountain, metropolis’, poor, working-class, affluent).  Fast food restaurants, Whole Foods, Starbucks, food co-ops, hospitals all work hard at evolving a human business culture.  The lighting, the layout of space, operation procedures are all ways they intentionally attract customers.

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Our bodies, minds and spirits are challenged on an ongoing basis when on foreign soil. Experiencing differences is the norm. Differences of energy, foods, people/personalities, sounds of places,-- ordinary sounds like languages and indigenous insects/animals wake up intimate parts of myself.  I begin to open, have an internal expansion, not only to the outside, but to the inside.  I sometimes experience a closing, when judgments or criticisms are ever present in small gnat-y ways and in larger reactions. I travel with these openings/closings as I traverse these various terrains.  I’m “shook” up by the cultural details and impressions.

Most of us continually make choices to travel or not, to subject ourselves to other cultures. We often choose to not enter cultures that challenge our own well established internal ones.  Probably the most rich aspect of “space travel” is a recognition of my own internal culture.  I begin to notice the flexible and inflexible parts of myself willing and unwilling to shift to accommodate the differences. My energy changes depending on an internal defense to the outside or conversely, a welcoming that is available to the foreign.  The more I am aware of this internal culture, the better prepared I am going to these other places.  

I know there could be tension visiting my friend because he doesn’t care about what he eats, but I care about what I eat.  I want to allow him to have his food culture, while still respecting mine.  Ahead of time I decide to not talk about food or nutrition unless he asks me with genuine interest, to suspend the likely judgment I will have surrounded by his white bread and make sure I obtain good, whole grain bread for myself for breakfasts.  Low and behold, our affection and care for each other is able to survive our differences.  And we both eat what we want with only a few shared loving wise cracks in between.

What resources of our own personal internal culture are available to us, that we draw upon whether it be on a hot crowded train, standing-room-only traversing India’s countryside or sharing a semi-private hospital room with a non-stop TV watcher-roomate? The answer can never be, not to travel.  Traveling is inevitable.  Cultures collide, they are around every corner. Perhaps, Know thyself.  Accept what is.  Enjoy life.

For Every Season: Aging Gracefully

sister knitter

If you asked any 80 year old in fair health, how old they felt, most would declare a number considerably less than their actual age.  I once saw a documentary posing this question to octogenarians and without exception this was true; ages they claimed to feel were anywhere from 9 years old to 50.

Most older folks have a tangible connection to the part of themselves that is young.  Many will say after decades of daily peering, they can’t quite believe what they see in the mirror each morning; it doesn’t jive with who they think and feel they are . For most of us that live a good long life there are a lot of transitions to go through, a host of development stages to navigate.  Moving through these various stages takes patience and forbearance on our parts. We often spend several years straddling a transition, lost in what often feels like unknown territory, until an acceptance kicks in and we start to embrace parenthood, middle-age, old-age.  Who are we?  The body may have taken on a different form, our sense of ourselves has expanded with our changing roles. This all takes some getting used to.

Taishan local

Much of how we feel about age is culturally influenced.  China, is elder-centric.  In China, seniors are revered and deferred to. Chinese bus riders wouldn’t think twice giving up their seat to someone over 50, and in fact would consider it a privilege.  In that country, I’ve heard 30-somethings bemoan they aren’t given the patience that the young receive and they aren’t old enough (over 45) to be given the status of one who counsels or is considered wise. 

Most western cultures including America, are very youth-centric.  People with gray hair or seemingly over 45 are near invisible.  Respect for life experience and longevity is minimal. Both here and Brazil (unlike many European countries) have a very specific standard of beauty.  Fashion trends are geared to the under 40 set and shrinking all the time:  Pristine 25 year olds bleach teeth, dye hair, botox, liposuction and routinely have cosmetic surgery. Elective Cesarean Sections are an option for birthing moms wanting to maintain youthful, “unstressed-looking” bodies.  Most of these impossible standards are celebrity driven (airbrush and all).

How to age gracefully. One of the more interesting aspects of a person at any age is their ability to be timeless.  A youngster who has natural insight and an uninfluenced, in-depth observational ability of human nature is a timeless human being.  (Most children in the right conditions will exhibit this extraordinary soul maturity.) An elderly person with a mischievous sense of humor and an inner joy-glow is also timeless. These qualities are unexpected and compelling because they respectively have not been gained through experience or lost through experience.  They just are. Their agedness is innate and dimensional. They are themselves despite the dictated cultural mores. And that is beautiful and commands respect.

Marguerite Wildehain

In a world that can be expected not to see or recognize one’s unique beauty, grace or fabulousness, the question when looking in the mirror is not so much, “Who is that?”  but, “What am I looking for.?”  And/or , “What am I overlooking?”  It can be hard to not only see the lost physical bloom of youth, but especially the lost spirit.  It is the spirit that is timeless (even if temporarily laid low).  Cultivating and nourishing our spirit through our timelines, affirms our inner life, excites, gives joy and engages our purpose.  These are efforts/activities that support our eternal purpose (in this life and possibly the next).  The joie de vivre one experiences helps us to accept all the physical, psychological and mental changes we experience in our continuum, affirming we are not static; not eternally young looking, not forever happy, but uniquely Ourselves.  We begin to become seamless within the inevitable transitions, the passage of time.