Anxiety: Inside the Box

The more I work with people and listen, it is apparent that we as a nation (world?) are suffering from a chronic low grade to debilitating anxiety.  And the more I listen, the more I understand it is rarely the seeming cause of the anxiety that is the problem (although, the world's collective distress is plenty).  Crisis and even levels of trauma are part of the human experience through our continuums.  We are built and designed to heal ourselves.

What I am hearing and seeing is the lack of inner preparedness, the non-cultivation of more Wholeness and well being in ourselves.   The culture at large does not introduce and nurture in people from a young age the means to navigate this.  We're just not prepared for the speed of life having not known well and appreciated, the slowness.  Most of us are indoctrinated from an early age to be productive, have attainable goals, to note the sequences leading up to success and imitate that.  But most of all, it is the what not to do that westerners have been taught that I believe has the anxiety-meter going through the roof.

We are taught not to value emotional intelligence, the creative impulse and the mysterious.  Indigenous cultures, and peoples whose values are close to nature, close to knowing more subtle and hidden aspects of themselves have this sort of preparedness to deal with crisis.  They have a well developed emotional intelligence  (see Emotional Competence and Autoimmunity).  There is a vertical knowing, a respect and value for a layered emotional connection to self, intuition and a metaphysical relationship to nature, spirit and others.

This type of modus operandi is not the norm in western culture.  We are far from Ourselves.  We put        all our energy into developing our cognitive abilities.  Our systems, paradigms and cultural structures are reason oriented and hierarchical.  There is an external, extend-out-from-ourselves emphasis.  This leaves our core depth, our should-be-solid vertical unsupported, unprepared for stress.  We are living within a tight and often claustrophobic box.  The delight of the unusual, unexpected manifestations and truths that ground our core selves become atrophied.  We operate from a fear-based need to be in control.  Our metaphysical, intuitive, creative self is not used in a balanced relationship with our cognitive capacities.  There is a stunting of this other aspect of ourselves.  This creates a chronic inner state (unseen, unfelt) of being bereft, separated from our inner reality.  There is no wonder we have anxiety.

What can be done? An affirmation of this core strength and a gentle visiting to those places in ourselves is required.  As is seen in the following article, when a corporate (western) approach is taken to encourage people to learn meditation or yoga (Is Mindfulness Making Us Sick?), 

unexpected and un-desirous results ensue.  It's an attempt to go from the (totally unprepared) outside to the In.  As the article points out, the In resists.  It puts up all sorts of resistance because it's a violent attempt (from its perspective) at awakening parts of ourselves that have had little activity.   This would be akin to sprinting a mile when you've been on the couch for a month.  So all the ego-survival mechanisms pull out the stops and what we get is a lot of disturbing body memories buried in a vault in ourselves.  It is a violence of sorts and because of the often insistent approach, not rooted in kindness but force.  A gentle, curious interest needs to be cultivated first.  In this state, knocking on that door might yield a gradual opening (if there is no agenda).  Everything in its own time.

The western approach (cognitive, analytical, systematic, efficient, rational) in a basically eastern method is not possible.  We have to lend ourselves to our more innate eastern capacities.  The creative, the metaphysical, the sensory-based--- all inherent in the human organism.  This is an intelligence of a totally different order.  It is wise when transversing on foreign soil, to be attentive, curious and humble in one's approach.  Temperance. Rome wasn't built in a day, or in a weekend meditation workshop.

Know Thyself.  Know your (present) limitations.  Feel what is keen inside.  If the door is not opening, it has its (good) reasons.  Respect this.  It is just for the present.  Bring a humility and care to all of yourself and your endeavors.  Ask for help.  Be discerning in whom you trust with your Depth.  Is it a hierarchical arrangement? If the relationship is less a mutuality and more a "I know more than you, I will teach you about you/what you should know", be careful (run for the hills).  A healing is always a state of self-empowerment (as messy and non-sensical as it sometimes may be).  A healing and healer finds you when you're ready, you don't have to go looking for it/them; you just have to be available, in a state of receptivity.  Receptivity blossoms when there is a nonjudgmental interest and an authentic curiosity.  With self-empathy and joy, start to experience aspects of yourself outside the box.  Anxiety will be less overwhelming and more manageable.

Preparation: Procurement to Plate, the Joy of Partaking II

photo credit:  Lalu Danzker

So, you have hauled home a treasure trove of good eats from vendors with whom you have hopefully had a jolly time.  You are excited.  You are hopeful.  You are vibrating from relationship; relationship with your curious self, exquisite gifts from nature and beast, and a nourishing engagement with those who love and appreciate what they grow.  This is a happiness.  Now, in this gratitude, we consider how best to prepare these gifts.

How do we do this?  What are the influences?

The conditions vary.  We might have shopped with an idea of a meal in mind, being directive in our approach.  We might have shopped wearing our instinct, our intuition, open to what is freshest at the market.  Regardless, we have these fine resources.  I take them out and admire them once again.  I resensitize myself to their vibration, their hardiness or delicacy, their beauty.  I consider their relationship and possible combinations to each other.  I notice their "voice".  The seasoning they call for, even the way they'd liked to be cut, chopped and treated.  In my regard for them, these gifts I and others are about to receive, there is a hope to honor them and those that provided them.  But this is not a heavy honor, if anything it is a playful one.  I want to find ease, and relaxation, again my curiosity and most of all I want to have some fun.  Braise, broil, steam, bake, poach, reduce, wine or no whine?  The possibilities.  How to know what actions and in actions are needed.

Because you shopped locally and picked things with glory and vibration-- you probably picked seasonal.  And the season calls you to respond.  Spring is light and lightly aromatic.  Summer calls for bare-naked naturalness, a coolness even rawness.  Fall is deep, earthy, heavier more sustaining.  Winter is warm, daringly aromatic, rooted.

Tamar Adler's An Everlasting Meal: Cooking with Economy and Grace has been a life changing book for me.  Life changing in the way I consider food and cooking.  One of her premises I work with all the time is the connection one meal has to the next.  The thick residue from the bottom of the pot of beans one cooked is the beginning of tomorrow's soup.  The "ends" of vegetables not used in preparation for dinner, are again, the beginning of tomorrow's soup stock.  Everything is connected, useful.  I've taken that one step further in asking myself, how are my components related?  How do I bring a thread of what is part of one component to the next, relate them, bring an overall harmony to the entirety of a meal.  The slice of lemon in water served at a meal might be echoed in a sliver or two of it's rind perched almost

imperceptibly on a piece of herb and wine-poached fish.  The basil in the herbed fish might be suggested in the spearmint (same family--Lamiaceae-- as basil) that is lightly confettied over the fresh fruit for dessert.  A lamb stew with fresh sprigs of rosemary has an almost subliminal echo in the water boiled for the accompanying rice or potatoes which you threw the stripped branches of rosemary into (to remove at the end of the cooking).  It's a hint, a light almost subconscious impression of the relationship from one component to the next. There is an endless way to carry the thread in a meal.  Staying close to curiosity and "the player" in oneself is helpful in determining the manifestation's gesture.

Another consideration is suggested by Ayurveda, an (eastern) Indian health approach.  Our tongue and palate is comprised of sensory taste receptors: sweet, salty, sour, savory (umami) and bitter.  Ayurveda cooking looks to satisfy all of these taste receptors in a meal.  So, when I cook, I try to consider that the entire meal has a balance of these five taste sensations.  Balance not being 20% of each flavor making 100% of the meal, but balance being in relation to the whole.  Hence, the development of one's culinary "palate" is inevitable.  This opens my field quite a bit.  Sweetness doesn't always have to be in dessert, but perhaps a condiment to go with the protein.  Perhaps dessert is the protein; a combination of nut-based crust and dairy filling, preceded by a thin soup and light salad; a sublimely hearty end of a meal .  Experimenting with turning the predictable on its head is, dare I say, a heady notion.

Culinary pleasure and digestion begins in our senses, especially the visual.  Hence, why care in presentation is necessary.  The gustatory sense is stopped if food is presented wrapped in greasy paper or unspecific boxes.  Considerations with the visual in mind are color, shape, size and texture.  In the plant world there are arguably 7 colors as far as palette goes (that arbitrary number is challenged as there are at least 5 variations of green alone in the edible plant world).  I try to have at least 5 colors in a meal, (for nutritional composition and visual compliment) but I always aim for 7.  I consider the "heart" of my meal and move from there.

The heart is often the protein.  My rebel self often balks at this seeming undeniable culinary truth.  I play with this notion.  And sometimes I lose.  But at least I play and I always learn.  I resist the cultural habit that meat be at every meal, be at one meal a day, one meal a week (depending on your cultural influences).  I play with the notion that meat can be treated more like a condiment, an aside, a small potent presence to the mighty diverse selection of the incredible vegetable or homey complex carb.  Sometimes it works just so and other times the heart of a meal just can't be the vegetable combination you've put together.  It's live and learn.  A very complex and hearty slaw with roasted nuts or seeds can be very central and sustaining, especially if a chewy/crusty bread and cheese accompany.  Try and succeed, try and fail, it's all great because your interest, intention and attention are active.  There are no bad meals if that is engaged during the preparation.

photo credit: Lalu Danzker

The consideration of shape, size and texture is important, but often enough not considered.  I was looking forward to trying Ethiopian food out on the town with some friends, but found that each of us were served varying flavored legume purees.  The flavors couldn't trump the solitary texture, and the bread served, although somewhat interesting (made from an ancient African grain) was not in good relationship to the pureed food, being kind of stretchy and gray.  Purees can be used to wonderful effect; they can compliment in color and texture. A light green pea puree under a delicate white fish has contrasting textures and complimentary colors.  A white parsnip puree or bright orange carrot puree is a delightful foil for a rich, darkly glazed beef or lamb.  To have something straightforward and simple accompanied by something complex in flavor is a marriage of balance.  A group of minimally touched green beans is a whole component that supports a garlic/potato mash and multi-colored/complicated stew.  Everything about it grounds the meal:  the deep green color, its untouched wholeness, its promise of lightness and simplicity, even its possible reference to a season just ended or about to begin.  It might not be the "hero" on the plate, but it makes the hero look good by its otherness.

Food as Impressions: Impressions as Food

All things are connected.  All things are one.  If this is true, everything we impart to our bodies, whether vegetation or animal is something that is already a part of us.  In a Whole world, the relationship we have with this food would be mutual.  Then why do we (as a general rule) not behave in accord?  We ignore this connection in the most basic ways.  We find ourselves when eating, not paying attention, reading a magazine, eating it from a take out container or pot.  When we prepare food we impose ourselves upon the resource at hand.  We make all the decisions (usually automatic) without finding that relationship to the thing that eventually will enter our body and hopefully nourish it.  We are under the mistaken notion that by just ingesting the food, we are nourished. And we are, but only partially.  When we make a relationship with the animal flesh or vegetable before us in the preparation process, a symbiosis of sorts is created which is rich in impressions, an aspect of eating almost always under rated, unnoticed and unacknowledged.  This type of food has a higher vibration, nourishes more of me.

Digestion starts with the impressions received by our six senses.  So, proper digestion starts in the eyes,  and nose, touch,  and even ears (ie: crackling sound of fat in a pan meeting flesh or vegetable).  This of course happens before it even gets to the gustatory sense.  The parasympathetic nervous system (our relaxation response) kicks in when the attention is related to what is at hand.  Our senses trigger the bile juices in the gastric system that begins the process of digestion.  This whole process makes the intake of impressions and food Whole; it's a primary impression.  So, it's not purely "aesthetic" or even a luxury to give attention to presentation.  It's imperative to our Wholeness.

It's a mistake to see an act of care (attentive detail to presentation) as an extraneous ego act ('it looks nice').  To be mistaken in this way is an example of how far we have devolved in our culture in regards to self care; care of what we see, our impressions and care for our digestion process, which is greatly compromised at this time between the surreal industrial-farmed product we are provided and the diminishment of what is important (ie: eating off a plate vs eating out of a box).  As we begin to attend to this vital relationship, our sensitivity and impressions become more refined.  

We have five receptors on our tongues that register sweet, salty, sour, bitter, and pungent (the sublime combination of sweet and sour).  Western palates have been exclusively indoctrinated to sweet and salt through proliferative processed food use, marketing and habit.  To consider that all five qualities of flavor be present at a meal is an exercise in finding unity.  Likewise, providing diverse color and texture is to bring harmony to the senses and the receptors in ourselves that long to be met.  The balance of acid and alkaline inherent in foods is yet another demand.  If we are related to what is in front of us in the preparation stage, these aspects of unification unfold very naturally.  I become sensitized to the call of a dish, the meal as a whole.  I become aware of the components and how right or wrong they are for each other, be it in shape or size, complexity or flavor.  It becomes an interesting interplay and exchange between the raw food ingredients and myself.  A dialogue.  Relationship.

When plating, what happens when we spread the meal's components out?  Keep them in groups, add a gesture component (like a few thin pieces of lemon rind to the plate juxtaposed without fuss).  It falls on a place of rightness in us that isn't about aesthetic or "artistry"-- it's very interesting.  The life of the food starts to engage with us, inform us.  It becomes a relationship.  We no longer act upon it.  We work WITH its life, and it works with us.  

Impressions feed us.  Why deny this when it benefits our bodies and spirits so beautifully?  Food can be a negligible impression or one that reaches the organism in an expansively spatial way. Choose a bigger life.

Present to Death

Death and dying and contemplating this passage for oneself is a sobering reckoning most of us visit privately and with others at least a few times in life's journey.  A recent experience of this topic discussed among friends stayed with me for several days, and I feel compelled to write about it.

We all die.  And, if we are honest, we are afraid to do so.  If we had a chance to choose how to die, it would basically come down to a choice of the least unpalatable means (wishful thinking) for most of us.  What interested me in the aforementioned conversation among friends was the general insistence felt among the many in the conversation that they be present to themselves and the experience of dying; they wished not to miss the process, not to be in a drugged stupor nor apparent absence of dementia, but to experience their life to the fullest right up to the end.

As a nurse, all I could think was, "may the angels not be listening to this."  This human existence is an endless series of rounds of suffering (and joy).  There is no avoidance of pain.  It's our birthright and payment we make as human beings.  Experiencing our thresholds of pain in different layers is a valuable, even an illuminating materiality that can bring a richness to one's life.  That experience is something we take on willingly, especially if we know there is an end to it, a reprieve in sight (i.e. childbirth, brief uncomfortable procedures, a really bad headache, a divorce with a court date).  Pain medications are a god send when you need them.  Our pain thresholds decrease as we age.  The more frail we become, the more acutely we feel pain.  Pain medication and adjunct therapies that address pain receptors in our bodies/brains (clinical aromatherapy, bodywork, energy work, acupuncture, qigong) should be freely accessed if possible.

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A question came to me when discussing this idea of being fully "present" right up to the end:  How could we not be present to this cataclysmic event, same as the impossibility of not being present to our birth?  We are born as Whole selves.  Seemingly our purpose is to find how to live this wholeness in the time we are given.  We don't spend a lot of time knowing or experiencing this.  We don't know how, but (hopefully) spend a lifetime working toward being in relationship to the Whole that we are.  But despite this lack, we are still One.  A muscle is still a muscle even if it is atrophied.  We can't miss our passing because we're in a coma, or in a medication-induced delirium.  To imply this, is to believe Presence is a cognitive state.  It is not.

The body is an incredible dimensional, layered and impossibly complex organism.  Some type of life is going on in a person living in a coma. Arnie and Amy Mindell have proven this in their studies of coma patients.  You just have to hang 
around people in these altered states for a period of time to sense this is true.  We on the outside are 
not privy to this passage they are moving through.  But there is no mistake the experience of moving 
toward a death is not passing them by.  In the case of quick, usually violent deaths (it is my opinion), 
the layers of ourselves (body, energybody, spirit, soul) are separated.  And there is a need to re-assemble 
before a passing is complete.  There is a presence in this, an actual energetic movement toward the 
Wholeness we are in body on earth, and probably beyond.

So, we may have these temporary distractions of suffering, agony, trauma, violence which ultimately leads to our death, but our innate divinity is always present.  It's the thing that leads us Home, through this important transition.  We seemingly are in preparation our entire lives for this moment, are living this truth in small ways almost on a daily basis; through our system changes, relationships, the almost inconsequential letting go and acceptances that is our daily bread.  The cultivation of a deeper understanding of the layers of presence possible to be earned in a lifetime, is a support to an actualization at (bodily) death.  It is impossible not to be present to one's own death.  The cells, the energy fields within our body system are constant cues, despite our denial variations or momentary circumstances that seem to remove a consciousness from the equation.  The reality of the breath and depth of consciousness sinks in.  Consciousness... Presence are not cognitive activities.  They are a fuller, deeper, more whole experience, connected within, connected without.

The "Care" Effect

I have spent a considerable amount of my nursing career studying, accumulating information, practicing and  experiencing healing philosophy and giving statistical based lectures about the power and efficacy of alternative and complimentary medicine.  Research and statistics backed me up.  One such statistic  was: $34 billion dollars is spent annually out of pocket on treatments and non conventional approaches.  As I espoused these statistics to interested health professionals (I thought they were interested-- otherwise why would they take the trouble to come and hear a talk on this?) I could see these facts, wash over their high-browed craniums like an air current over the body of a soaring plane.  Very seldom did I see little pocket of air form within them expand as the information was delivered. Which made me think, their interest wasn't so much in these soft medicine facts and treatments as much as the money that wasn't reaching their pockets.  Then I thought I wasn't presenting well, it was too much "other" information, which although was factually undeniable, was unfamiliar.  They couldn't relate, even though I took great pains to give them statistics and research which were immediately relateable (dollar and cents).  As medical professionals, we are told it's all about evidence-base.  But obviously not, as they weren't assimilating it.  Finally, I decided the stars were not aligned, corporate medicine wasn't ready to take the leap to move toward including these practices, despite the facts.

To be fair, this information on alternative and complimentary medicine has been heard, but in corporate medicine terms.  Integrative medicine centers, associated with major medical institutions, have been formed, in fact it's a big trend at the moment. These centers obviously need financing, and they often get this through donors with deep pockets.  Their continued growth and success is also obviously necessary, so revenue generation is required.  They figured out how to get insurance to pay for treatments (ie: MD provided acupuncture, MD provided health coaching, packaged lifestyle behavior modification classes as prescription). Ok. So, we're moving along, right?

The issue I take in the current approach of integrating conventional with alternative medicine is that it is construed from the old model of practicing medicine.  It's based on Descartes's original and ever present philosophy that we can be deduced down to separable parts and the ill parts can be managed as they need to be, not in relation to the entire person.  This isn't Whole thinking, an approach based on Oneness.  Complimentary, alternative, integrative medicine becomes a "specialty" and is worked into an outdated paradigm that hasn't been effective for almost forever, has always been hugely expensive and ultimately becomes a tepid healing (because it is not based on relationship).

In his article, Forget the Placebo Effect: It's the 'Care Effect' That Matters   Nathanael Johnson makes a case for a soft medicine approach, stating research that shows kindness and a deeper listening skill used by practitioners is actually extremely effective in promoting best outcomes.  What Descartes discounted was the power of trust and relationship in healing.  He was all about promoting curing and hard facts of using a fully scientific approach (in his time, excluding church/religion/spirituality as a useful influence).  And in 15-20% of illness, he's spot on.  If you have a broken leg, saying prayers over it probably won't fix it, a good surgeon would be useful.  However, the rate of healing of this broken leg may vary depending on soft medicine interventions.  Using the science knowledge of positive attitude, mobilizing the parasympathetic nervous system to off-set the sympathetic in the crisis of the trauma gets our blood cells working optimally, reduces "emergency" hormones coursing through the body (an obstacle to healing) and makes us generally feel a lot better than taking pills dealing with anxiety and even pain.  Hippocrates had a more whole healing perspective, an example of a well rounded physician.  Probably Descartes was alive at a time of great political upheaval and was able to establish the model we practice today. Today, we train a lot of doctors in this country and extremely few of them become physicians (whole healers).

In 80-85% of all illness (chronic in nature) a non-conventional approach is mandatory for there to be a healing.  Because medicine has become so militarized and corporate, we are embedded in systems and bureaucracy that aren't meant to budge easily.  There is little flexibility, not much innovation (outside of technology) in approaching what has become the business of health.  The hierarchy is ever present:  hard science is best, soft medicine is tolerated and not really seen as an ever important adjunct to the full and effective treatment of human beings. Respect for knowledge is assumed.  Respect for relationship is (generally) not important.  It is this that is at the base of all healing, it is this that must be cultivated in medicine today.  Of course knowledge and skill are vital.  But without an empathic presence, a fuller present intelligence, a greater skill at listening, knowledge and talent are marginal in the forum of healing.  These skills make our healers (doctors, nurses, therapists) whole in service to others and (great empathy and deep listening) is also in its nature, a reciprocal action, a healing of oneself.

"The 'care effect'—the idea that the opportunity for patients to feel heard and cared for can improve their health. Scientific or no, alternative practitioners tend to express empathy, to allow for unhurried silences, and to ask what meaning patients make of their pain. Kaptchuk's study was a breakthrough:  It showed that randomized, controlled trials could measure the effect of caring. But there was already abundant evidence from nursing science to suggest a healing power in the interaction between practitioner and patient."*

Can this "care effect" proliferate in the old paradigm?  The old paradigm being a corporate compliance-based entity with iron-clad legal implications at every turn?  Nurses, as indicated in the quote above have seen and implemented this "care effect" through the ages but in the old paradigm model, have continually seen it tie their hands as restrictions and standard measurements of care become narrower and more prevalent.  They are expected to ever increase their "caring" while also being required to take on more and more responsibilities (same for MDs as well).  It is unrealistic.  It is not looking at either the whole nurse/doctor or the whole patient and probably the whole system.  Caring becomes a commodity in an uncaring, sometimes hostile environment.  This is not an environment or system that can sustain true empathy nor deep listening.  This is not a paradigm that can provide truly integrative services. This paradigm is broken.

Caring and empathy is a deep part of our humanity.  When it begins to be measured in "accountability" terms like a bookkeeper's numbers, we begin to have a problem that soon turns to dysfunction.  Healing is an often mysterious, varied and flexible process that was never meant for Descartes's small pigeon-hole formula.  We have to take a risk that a new paradigm can sustain an excellence and affordability in healthcare.  We have to have a more empathetic and fluid paradigm to work from.  That paradigm is currently unknown, which is a scary prospect for the millions of people who depend upon a working healthcare model.  But otherwise, we are putting a square peg in a round hole and trying to make it fit.  The body itself might have lessons for us to glean in how to develop a new paradigm.  The fact that the Central Nervous System has these different and varied aspects (sympathetic and parasympathetic) that work together to help us to be whole, is possibly something akin to developing a paradigm that can do the same for our healthcare delivery.  Something to ponder.

*Forget the Placebo Effect: It's the 'Care Effect' That Matters | Wired ...

Leaning On

There are times when a leaning on is necessary.  No longer able to be a free standing part (at least temporarily), a wall, another becomes mandatory to rest upon.  It's a relief, if not an unfamiliar self-reckoning.  We take comfort in something/ someone taking the weight.  The image to the left here is a wonderful example of a spiraling reliance.  Very separate (yet related), distinct components bearing the weight of the whole. Everything is in balance, everything dependent on everything else to create a whole. Without the cooperative parts, the balance, the miracle of its wholeness would be lost.

And so it is now, as many of us soften into the darkness of the short days, relinquishing the more sentinel vertical we prop ourselves up at other times of the year. We lean on a fire at the hearth, music of the season, cultural ritual, even the warmth from a winter coat.  This time of year calls us back, asks us to return to that which is more still.  Interestingly, the hoopla and frenetic energy seems to go arm in arm with the quiet beckoning.  Contrasts.  Paradoxes.

" All truths wait in all things."-- Walt Whitman

In our confusion and tension over these paradoxes and the grief of losses, current and past, the stillness appears to be the thing we lean on.  Mercy. The words of others appear as solace.  That which is burdened, wounded, in sorrow rests.  Poetry surfaces.  Art becomes a salve to the spirit.  Wisdom and courage are found in unlikely forums:  a child's observation, a store clerk's calm and benevolent smile, the poignant wit of an elder.  Breath re-enters, becomes more spacious having lost some tension.  Fear and intrepidation take a break.

"Morally, spiritually, we are fettered.  What have we achieved in mowing down mountain ranges, harnessing the energy of mighty rivers, or moving whole populations about like chess pieces, if we ourselves remain the same restless, miserable, frustrated creatures we were before?  To call such activity progress is utter delusion.  We may succeed in altering the face of the earth until it is unrecognizable even to the Creator, but if we are unaffected wherein lies the meaning?  Meaningful acts require no stir.  When things are going to rack and ruin the most purposeful act may be to sit still."-- Arthur Miller

Leaning On.  A respite.  Meaningful acts require no stir.

Modern Love

It is not my habit to write about the latest sensational news.But lately, from widely different sources, essays, articles and impressions have been finding there way to me and I feel compelled to comment. The recent tragedy in Connecticut (close to my original home for decades) and its most probable link to unrecognized mental illness belay the lack of support for those suffering with mental illness (and their families) and also puts a perspective on the struggles and turning away our culture (government, insurance companies, "systems") does to ignore or deny these very real issues (which inevitably impact the general population as we saw in the Newtown, Connecticut horror). Essays such as the one on unusual Bronx nurses in public health battling with keeping teen mothers and their baby's heads above financial water and conditions absolutely stacked against any sense of wellness; psychiatrically tender college freshmen far from home requiring all sorts of professional support when overwhelm sets in.
The often tenuous mental/spirit challenged live in rough seas; those with financial resources and savvy know-how usually are able to navigate their needs successfully, while still bearing the difficulty of "otherness" which autism spectrum, development delays, mentally challenged and psych disorders reliably guarantee even under the best circumstances.  For those in any type of marginal economic situation, it is a catastrophe, as well as for those who love and take responsibility for them.  Perhaps, now we are a nation that is becoming more comfortable with otherness (legal gay marriage, persons of color in major public office, legalized recreational drug use); perhaps it is time we take on the pink elephant in the room, mental health and it's inclusion into general society, it's recognition, compassionate acceptance and a commitment toward an economic support for those struggling with it.
It is a good example what many households go through.  Terror, shame, confusion--- and mostly suffered in total isolation and invisibility. Our cultural system constructs can't acknowledge or begin to effectively deal with the Pandora's Box which is this area of healthcare. Tara Ebrahimi, wrote a recent article in the NY Times Sunday Please read this.  It's incredibly touching, a story I've seen a facsimile of time and time again working with people facing medical and mental hurdles.  A loved-one begins to decline, help is sought (over months and years) from all the right avenues and agencies (repeatedly), is not obtained despite jumping through an incredible amount of bureaucratic hoops and a family is left emotionally and financially depleted without the inner or outer resources to deal with an often impossible situation related to physical/mental/psych challenges. This courageous, loyal and loving woman finally with no other recourse, took matters into her own hands without knowing what to do, decided to Be with her brother.  She made relationship because it was the only thing to do, her only resource left. As was apparent, relationship was the thing lacking in all these other constant efforts with un-relatable In this world where it seems these challenges are exponentially increasing in incidence (ie: autism has increased to 1 in 88 births, a 1,148% growth rate), we are seeing three things: more basic life challenges for many more people, a culture and system that continues to deny not only the problem but the impact on the culture at large and we are seeing people (family members and loved ones) forced into a sensitization of self and other (such as Ebrahimi). These are people who have gone into the fire's crucible and survived with more patience, compassion, and a finely tuned depth of perception and awareness. I hesitate to call them saints; maybe invisible neighborhood prophets. They've got a world view worth proselytizing. They should be our future leaders.  They have lived the terrifying fringe, rarely have bitterness and only gratitude for the cauterizing hell they and their loved ones have been through. In them, a wisdom, understanding, moxy/chutzpah/grit has been crystallized. There is an authentic absence of greed, avarice and narcissism we are woefully needing in our public leaders today. At least in tandem with the gun control issue, if not before, the concept of Oneness needs to be addressed in this country. Relationship. Being. Being with and for, within and without. We should be looking at these courageous, loving relatives that take the monolithic Goliath systems on out of fierce devotion. We should be looking at those who have these illnesses and "otherness-es", who struggle day in and day out, who are feared for their otherness, disrespected and made invisible.  They are part of the oneness we all are living. They are our sons and mothers. They are an unrecognized brilliant facet of our whole.  We are a collective, we need to care, to include them, not shut them out. They, like we, are here for a reason, they have their part. As long as we look to blame guns (or on the other side's belief system, lack of personally held firearms), we need to look at the failure of us as a culture not taking responsibility for each other, the (community) illnesses suffered, the isolation and marginalization of our neighbors.