Rebirthing

If it is true that trauma (and ecstasy) are stored in our cells and tissues, impacting our psych and function through our life in subtle and poignant ways, then it would make sense that the events of our birth (and perhaps even conception and gestation) would also be embedded in the deep foundation of who we are.

Aileen Crow and Sandy Jamrog have a chapter in Encyclopedia of Childbearing, Oryx Press, 1993, titled:  "Spontaneous Rebirthing", in which they say: "A person's own experiences of being born, whether or not they are remembered, determines many of their deepest and most basic beliefs.  These are called birth-engendered beliefs.   Beliefs are not just abstract thoughts; they are psychophysical realities.

Everybody knows that tension interferes with breathing and efficient muscular function.   What is not common knowledge is that unresolved perinatal experiences can initiate patterns that tend to live on throughout a person's whole life on a non-verbal and non-conscious level.  Birth-engendered beliefs are anchored in the body, in the musculature, the fascia,and the cells of the body.  They live in the body's memory, in breathing and movement patterns which condition perception and the interpretation of experience.  They affect behavior and relationships throughout life, as Stanislav Grof (1985), Arthur Janov (1983), Sondra Ray and Bob Mandel (1987) have shown."  Also,  "Birth-engendered beliefs can help or hinder a woman's experience of giving birth.  For example, a belief such as,"Nothing good comes easy" may interfere with the birth process by functioning as a non-conscious imperative that must be obeyed.  Patterns of unresolved conflict tend to repeat themselves.  When a prospective mother experiences a spontaneous rebirthing, an opportunity is being presented to complete some important learning about her own birth that might otherwise interfere with her giving birth to a child."

These "patterns of unresolved conflict" can be said to be a type of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) and as mentioned in an earlier post, Somatic Healing, can often be effectively dealt with working with a competent bodyworker.

Rebirthing is the actual intention a bodyworker and client have together to go back to the moment of birth and hopefully resolve the conflict or trauma present, through movement, sound and breath (talk not usually being the primary therapeutic modality).  Rebirthing also can occur spontaneously if one is an altered state, deeply relaxed or experiences a trigger that sets the memory into play.  The latter could be a PTSD reoccurrence unless facilitated by a competent bodyworker.

"Living as they do in the body, birth-engendered patterns and their accompanying beliefs are accessible to receptive, non-invasive touch,and to an attitude respectful of the purpose behind the person's rebirthing experience.  we have found that the use of hyperventilation to induce emotional involvement is unnecessary."

'In the old days', rebirthing was accomplished through specific (and in my opinion, contrived and static) breathing patterns.  This approach itself was rough and unto itself, tended to be somewhat traumatic.  A gifted bodyworker these days uses the basis of healing relationship to encourage the right breathing pattern for the right moment (naturally arrived at by the trusting client);  as Crow/Jamrog indicate above, receptivity, non-invasive touch and a respectful attitude are key to a successful rebirthing experience.

"People sometimes go into spontaneous rebirth experiences during bodywork sessions when they are encouraged to pay attention to sensations, feelings and movement impulses.  Releasing tension might also disrupt habitual holding patterns that may be covering early traumatic conflict, and so stimulate spontaneous rebirth experiences. "

This statement of Crow/Jamrog would indicate the imperative need to engage a seasoned bodyworker with whom to evolve a trusting, healing relationship.  Such a practitioner should be sensitive and experienced in recognizing subtle tensions and physical patterns, is able to witness movement tensions and has the maturity to be discriminating in action in order to facilitate a healing.  A successful rebirthing is a liberation.  It makes possible and provides capacity when there was none prior.

Aileen Crow has been an Alexander teacher since 1969.  She taught at ACAT in New York City until she formed her own AT training program in 1978.  She is a Creativity Counselor in private practice in NYC and in New City, NY, is a Laban Movement Analyst (since 1969) and a Dreambody Process-Oriented therapist.   Her most recent interests are calligraphy, Solo Focusing and transforming trauma.

Aileen's more recent writings have been in A Moving Journal (1993-2006 ),  AuthenticMovementCommunity Blog, and the Journal of Authentic Movement and Somatic  Inquiry (JAMSI) AuthenticMovement.Journal.com.

Sandra Jamrog  is a Teacher and Practitioner of Body-Mind Centering, an Infant Developmental Movement Educator and a Childbirth Educator.  She is certified with The National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork and a New York State Licensed Massage Therapist. Sandra has been working with birth and parenting since 1974

Oneness: Ho'oponopono

Anxiety, fear, addiction, depression, alienation, isolation from our neighbors, even loved ones are daily obstacles many people struggle with through their entire life continuum.  Caught in repetitive thinking and feeling patterns, disconnected from our “home”, our internal truths, we tend to wane through the decades we are given instead of living them with robust energy and joy.  We begin to believe this is what life is.  It is sort of like a dog that has always been kicked and starved, it doesn’t know any better, thus endures and expects more of the same.  Or the person who has never eaten an organic carrot, only the petroleum tasting conventional carrot; they can’t be expected to know the difference. Because these abysmal expectations are what are known, this is probably what will be continued to be had. 

These are somewhat extreme parallels I put forth, but the truth is, most of us live some version of them in some way.  Whether it be our acute and unabated loneliness which has conditioned us to feel we will never know satisfying relationship or peace; or wellness/illness obsessing has us completely disillusioned we will doubtfully know a semblance of an ideal life style pattern.

This nagging lack, “hole creating”, often leads people to therapy, self-help books or classes to improve themselves. It rarely leads them to an introspection that connects them to the idea of Oneness, that their difficulties are not solitary, but related to others and the entire cosmos.  Exploring this understanding can be liberating.

A decade ago, a friend introduced me to a Hawaiian healing process called Ho'oponopono, and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len’s work on the concept. The Huna Process of Ho'oponopono .  It basically considers that we are all interconnected, there is no separation between your pain and my own, we are One.  This is considering all sentient beings, ecology, technology, the universe; a very big concept.  The healing comes from saying 4 simple sentences to oneself over and over in relation to the pain or suffering one is having with another (or oneself). The sentences being, I Love You, I'm Sorry, Forgive Me, Thank You.

Dr. Joe Vitale, a psychologist, has explained the basis of this healing works because we enter a sense of responsibility in relation to one’s own suffering and the suffering of another I Love You, I'm Sorry, Please Forgive Me .  I personally find the “responsibility” word a bit loaded in my associative understanding, as have others whom I’ve introduced these concepts to, so I use relationship or relatedness (other “r”words) and that sits with me better.

When I first heard of this type of healing, frankly I thought it was kind of hokey (and it does not help the literature around it is slick and commercial sounding/looking). But I also had a sense there was something simply profound there.  Paradoxes are intriguing, so I sat with it a little longer and decided to test it in my work.  And the experience of it has been illuminating.

I have used it when I am at my wits end, overwhelmed with a patient, or at the end of my available inner resources.  I was working with a revolving-door pair of married addicts, who took weekly turns getting hospitalized ostensibly for pain management to get their narcotics.  The way I was entering this patient relationship on this particular day was alarming to me as a professional; I was frustrated, disgusted, repulsed and angry at this duo.  I had nothing to lose but try the four sentences.  I entered the hospital room to narcotic dose the wife (the patient of the day) and found the wife comfortably watching TV, husband pacing near the window and teenage son glued to his computer. Upon entering, the husband started to bluster about the meds having arrived, and maybe there was some extra for him.  A wave of revulsion ran through me as well as a professional shame that I was feeling this way.  I stood still facing the husband and started repeating to myself the four sentences.  The husband went on and on and I stood there continuing to try the Ho'oponopono practice.  To my surprise, something softened in me and I became engaged with my firmly planted feet.  Within a few minutes, the son stopped looking at the computer screen and looked up at me.  The husband stopped pacing, talking non-stop and gesticulating.  Taking a long pause he said, “You’re listening to me” and then, “No one ever listens to me.”

This was a surprising turn of events.  Where there seemed to be some impact on this family, what was most intriguing was the impact Ho'oponopono had on me.  Being fully caught in an intense internal polarization, this exercise mercifully shifted the rigidity I had entered in myself and made something else possible.  Some facsimile of this experience has happened every time I have tried this and other healers I have passed this on, report similar findings.  There is a penetrating depth to this work.  I am continually finding an expansiveness to its concepts, continued layers to the practice (as I have explored it experientially not per the literature).  It has effected my own practice and thinking on health considerably.

How can this “profound hokiness” be? It’s based on acknowledging (not initially with authenticity) my relationship and connection to another’s pain, asking for forgiveness, and finally gratitude. I don’t understand this in parts of myself, but also it rings true.  It brings home the power of the mind and words thought or spoken to myself and others. 

The Jester and the Healer

In the history of healing, it has not been an uncommon parallel that connects the healer to the priest(ess) or the healer with the artist or midwife.  Lately, it appears to me there is a direct relationship between the Healer role and the Jester of old.

The tarot depiction of the Fool (jester) includes a person juggling unconcernedly or otherwise distracted, sometimes found in the act of unknowingly walking off the edge of a cliff, precipice or other high place.  The jester is symbolic of common sense and of honesty and is a character used for insight and advice on the part of the monarch. Jesters would have had to have a bevy of “tricks” at their disposal, be able to turn on a dime, change-up the pattern of delivery and be extremely keen on sensing the receptivity to her offerings. Also, the jester would probably enter the court’s arena with a modicum of uncertainty of what would be asked or needed of him from the always new population of others and have a knack for turning upside down general expectation at often great personal risk. The jester’s strategic use of subtle (and not so subtle) humor would be part of their offering and a use of highly developed wiles imperative.  In all of this, the Healer is really no different.

We have our ideas of who we are and what we have to offer, even who is our target market.  But when it comes right down to it, it is always surprising as to what is needed, what is being asked for.  And in that light, often new skills or unknown skills are born.  The healer, like the jester is someone who has a child’s point of view.  They are open, receptive, often having an unlikely approach and is somewhat separate from the dysfunction, illness or pain that is present.  It is this very lack of attachment that makes a healing possible.  Like a child who has no expectations of being of direct help, the healing comes in being able to have a direct perception. And that often, is enough.

Forgiveness

We are little micro-cosmos of both the gross human condition and the gross human potential.  All the greed and avarice we see, read about, culturally suffer--- it is all part of the daily individual human experience playing out on a larger scale.  One can rail at this injustice or that transgression and feel powerless to impact these gargantuan and harmful world dysfunctions, but we actually can impact these wrongs directly (because we are related to it).  By dealing with our own smallnesses, our prejudices, our individual rancor and judgements, by rectifying, healing and forgiving those who trespass against us (and forgive ourselves for whom we injure) we actually impact the world’s condition. These small triumphs have a vibration that ripple out into the cosmos impacting the larger scheme of things.

What does it mean to “deal” with these unpleasant events, feelings, experiences? 

What is key is three fold:  the recognition and acknowledgement in the moment of the discomfort, pain or upset one is experiencing (remember, Psych 101?), in the body, feelings and energy field at large; done without minimization or justification, but acknowledgement of its palpable vibration.  The more courageous one is bringing awareness to these uncomfortable-unbearable sensations, the better chance one has in living the prism we are.  (Hence, the usefulness of a daily dose of both fun and pain… primes us to our fuller dimensions, for better, for worse.)  Permitting and honoring one’s vulnerability to exist in the moment of transgression (against most instinctual impulses) creates the dimension we are looking for in ourselves and the reality that is. This is a type of suffering one must be willing to undertake.

Second, to recognize the reactivity that is part of, and in relationship to the other with whom we are polarized.  Is there a sense of righteousness holding fast to the pain or hurt, possibly exaggerating it or allowing paranoia to slip in?  A reliable falseness and fear usually  lurks in the reaction and in the moment; this is worth paying some attention.  Attention to this momentary falseness or prejudice often brings the more mature self to the forefront, the one who has an inkling of the way of forgiveness.

And third, to also recognize what is good, the intention that may have gone amok, but initially was well meaning.  The weakness that is a blind spot that causes as much pain to the offender as to the one it impacts. This requires a bigness, a maturity, an understanding, a willingness to give some credence to that sense of falseness that harshly colors the reaction.  We are not static two dimensional figures, but a multi-faceted prism that can readily shift (if we don’t hunker down into the righteousness). 

When these three aspects are in play, a softening is possible and receptivity has an opportunity to move in.  Recognition replaces denial and defense.  Acknowledgement of a positive effort amidst the disaster tempers the discomfort of the carelessness and fragility of the human condition in the moment and replaces blame and offense.  We begin to sense a larger humanity in the other and in ourselves. Perhaps we begin to glimpse ourselves in them.  We are not so separate.  We are not separate at all. A dual polarization going nowhere becomes a delicately nuanced dance of vulnerability and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else, it is something we do for ourselves. Often it is not realized that hurtful words, actions and reactions are more toxic to those whom deliver them, then the receiver it is meant for. If we knew this, experienced this, would we be so inclined to retaliate?  Would we be more interested in resisting that impulse? 

As in most things, we have assumptions and expectations as to what forgiveness looks and sounds like. Forgiveness is an unexpected process that often has little to do with apologetic words and everything to do with a found sincerity. Forgiveness is a full mind/body/spirit experience, a journey one takes, an often surprising and unknown path.  And yes, though words are the least of it, often apologetic words from authenticity can be a salve to the healing.

As it relates to above, following I mention the legend of the Iroquois Nation and how it came into being from the divided, feuding groups of alienated clans to a united confederacy.  It is a story of forgiveness through the power of grief work and condolence.  

In brief, several tribes from the north east and Canada, were constantly warring and ravaging each others people and property. There was little safety and a lot of terror.  The chiefs of the tribes got together and squabbled about what could be done, how could they have peace among themselves when there was so much suspicion, harm and wariness.  They argued among themselves until the oldest chief, who had remained silent, called the group to attention and said, "Until each tribe has grieved what has been done to them and what they have done to others there will never be peace.  If we are to unite and stand strong, this is the first step."  Each tribe went back to their people and imparted this and began the healing process among their own people for a period of time, remembering the harms done to them, the injury they themselves inflicted.  After this time, the chiefs reconvened and the seven nation Iroquois Confederacy was established.  This healing ritual of grief and condolence has been in existence for over 600 years in the Iroquois Nation and continues today.

  

"Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense. " 

                                                                                                                                           -- Robert Frost

Place, Space, Materiality and Health

Everything is material.  Everything is energy.  Everything has Qi. A closet, a room, a house are layers of embedded self.  Our "stuff" is charged with energy.  Likewise, most of our other stuff crammed into closets, buried in corners never to see the light of day, are energetically static, becoming a drain on our personal energy, and the collective energy of the space. A room, a house, objects are living, breathing things.  They bring life or they don't.  What animates them is my relationship to them.

Besides for hygiene purposes, we regularly bathe to clear our inner and outter energy fields.  Usually, we relax in a bath or shower, breathe deeper (moving the internal energies) and cleanse that which has energetically stuck to us on a given day.  Why would it be any different in a world where there is Oneness, even in regards to inanimate objects?  That which we surround ourselves and live with needs to be cared for in a similar way in which we care for our bodies.

Our materiality needs to be met, attended to.  Things that remain broken and uncared for reflect our own defunct state.  Things that are in order support a life, allowing it to work well.

What makes us so attached to the things we own, the things we don't really want or need?  Why don't we want to take care of what we have, what possessions we surround ourselves with?  What makes us hold onto more than we can handle, more than what we can attend to?

What does it mean to attend to an object, to exchange energy with something that is material (usually inanimate)?  Giving attention to an object is an exchange of energy; it acknowledges the space it takes up and therefore the space at large.  We create a place with our attention to that which we live with.  Looking at a picture, admiring it or disliking it, moving one's memory in regards to it is "owning" it and reaffirming one's relationship to it. Running a cloth or duster over objects is recognizing them, recognizing their need to have attention.  In the act of care, we acknowledge our relationship to it.  Similarly, our act of neglect recognizes our lack of relationship to the object.

What is the first thing I wake up to?  An altar created with prized objects that affirm their worth, my worth, that changes periodically depending on where I am in myself?  Or do I wake to a pile of dusty books? unfolded laundry? spent flowers in a tired vase? Papers stacked on a side table I don't want to deal with? Is the first thing I see upon waking energizing, hopeful, an impression that beckons my life to this new day ---or is it another  unattended "thing" to be ignored for the millionth time, unseen, unloved, uncared for?  This connection to inanimate objects are real and vibrant relationships that manifest all types of energy through my life and effect me and my health every day and every night.

How do I take care?  Where don't I?  How is that related to my present day reality? Does the pattern of attention (or in-attention) follow me from room to room?  Where is the place of choice?  Having choice as to what is in my life and what is not in my life. Is the collection of objects or clothes or shoes a decision not to make a choice?  Accruing materiality.  Crowding inner and outter space.  Denying Place. Not facing the energy gotten and given by such things, not acknowledging the depletion, sometimes depression these things (by no fault of their own) exert.  A type of negativity is rendered  because of my refusal to validate the relationship I have with them. How many decades has it been since I pulled that book off the shelf?  How many years ago did I last wear that dress?

Forget the psychology of objects, and "owning".  Remember the energetic dynamics that play on and impact one's life with these things and the subsequent layers of memory, influence and connection created. Engage with the concept of being a "good householder".  One's health depends upon it.

Bodywork, Energy Medicine: Whole Healing

Bodywork constitutes a myriad of modalities when one is actively working with a skilled practitioner.  The practitioner has cultivated a "knowing" and skilled intelligence in their hands (as well as in his/her larger self) and is able to help or lead the client to a healing direction through touch, adjustment or manipulation.  Several (touch) bodywork modalities have been mentioned in this blog (Energy Field Surveillance,  Use: The Alexander Technique ,  Reflexology as Informant , Somatic Healing , MYSTERY: The Practices of QiGong and Authentic Mov... , QiGong: Following in a Purpose-Prone World).

Although not usually hands-on, there are many energy-based modalities I consider bodywork, because they open the body to a fuller intelligence, thus have a capacity for healing not only one's physiology, but subsequent layered energy fields.  Movement practices like Contemplative Dance/Authentic Movement, Core-Shamanism practices, Gabrielle Roth's Five Rhythms, Qigong, Tai Chi Chuan, Yoga-- all seek to balance the body and energy fields through movement and breath.  Many of them are somewhat dependent on sensitizing the self to an altered state, allowing the body's fuller intelligence to manifest, influence and impact one's entirety with a cell-effecting healing.  This type of bodywork (although initially facilitated) is largely self-regulated.  They are self-empowering and wisdom-instilling practices primarily because it is one's self that is generating, moderating and witnessing the energetic experience.

To me, the essence of bodywork includes both that which impacts the energy fields of one's being as well as the physicality of one's body.  Bodywork is a Whole practice encompassing all of me.  It impacts my many layers whether they be psychological, emotional, spiritual or physical.  This affirms the concept of Oneness in myself.  This often aids in closing the often divided, fragmented way I look at myself, my relation to outside myself and the healing experience.

As mentioned in a few other earlier posts (see above links), bodywork is often the best way to approach a necessary healing (ie: PTSD, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, TMJ to name a few). But for many people beginning to open to the concept of bodywork's potential healing power can be daunting.  There are so many different type of bodywork modalities and so many varying types of practitioners even within one milieu.  How do you know which modality to try, what will be the most useful?  How do you know if a practitioner will be a good fit with you and your needs?

One of the most interesting things about good bodywork is that it rarely can be mechanical.  Whereas, there is a standardized practice in forms like chiropractic adjustment, cranial sacral work and Alexander, if a practitioner were to strictly only follow the structure of tenets of the practice it wouldn't always be following the client's more whole healing (in a given session) because energy is not always predictable, nor able to follow a conscripted pattern that is its own.  Whereas a standardized practice is often a start in waking up the healing potential in the body, it can be sometimes somewhat limited unto itself.  Good bodywork depends upon good, deep listening and an expanded awareness from both client and practitioner.


A bodywork practice finds you.  So doing too much thinking about the right or appropriate one for you is probably unnecessary.  One usually is drawn to a modality or meets/hear of a practitioner very serendipitously.  A musician with a specific malady in their neck say, due to wrong use, would do well to start with an Alexander Technique teacher or cranio sacral therapist.  That bodywork might lead to a "hybrid" version of either or another depending on how the healing unwinds itself.  The more one "knows thyself" (which can be an expansive learning process as one experiences different techniques), the more the right attraction to a modality will present itself.


The earlier post, Finding A Healthcare Partner in a Practitioner, applies here. The conversation one has with a practitioner prior to a session will resonate or not with one's own healing affinities. You may be quite certain a "purist", unadulterated modality practitioner will serve your purposes entirely, or you may be intrigued with the hybrid version another may offer, an attitude, an approach, an energy the practitioner represents.  Whereas, experience speaks for itself, the open approach a new practitioner offers, the willingness to explore and engage themselves is a wonderful ingredient shared in bodywork.  It depends on where you are in your healing process as far as a "fit" goes with a practitioner.  Likewise, it is the same for practitioners.  Where they are in the evolution of their work, dictates a type of client required in a moment.

Grief as Medicine

Keri Cheran, "It hurts to talk About Our dead and gone".  Purepecha of Michoacan 

Municipality Cheran

I'm compelled to write about grief again as it is such an apparent and present state in the culture at large.  As I've said in previous posts, not only is it misunderstood, there is little support for it.

Grief is assumed when there is a death.  The cultural understanding is one will be very sad for a few days to a few weeks, a little less sad for a few months and "back to one's self" within a year at the latest.  These cultural guidelines are at best random and at worst, ridiculous.
Grief transpires not only at the experience of death, but in the process of dying (ones own dying process or witnessing it in another), in large changes such as separation/divorce, big moves and major transitions such as teen to adult, leaving college, transitioning to middle age or old age, living with made choices or non-choices.  Grief happens after injury or surgery or major illness, at the loss of a job (even a bad one) or a career.  And grief is re-awakened at every loss' anniversary or holiday.  As they say, every loss is a reminder of all the previous losses before it.  Grief is everywhere.  But in this culture, even though grief is seemingly at one door or another, many people are literally at a loss as to how to recognize it, how to work with it, how to know it and how to move through it.  It is foreign, because the expectation of what it is and what it looks like is not recognized.

Grief is unrecognized mostly because it is so varied and unpredictable.  It looks/feels like deep lethargy, paralyzation or numbness. It can also be an excruciating aliveness to the subtle; the way light falls on a tree, the memory of an odor, the nuanced subtlety of sand in one's toes.  Energetically, grief can cause the body tremendous fatigue and exhaustion.  Once this is seen and noted, one expects this for a few days.  But often, it presents in an incredibly labile way.  One might have a strong sense of themselves, their usual energy pattern in the morning and total exhaustion covers them by mid day.  And the next day the energy patterns might be reversed-- or not; it's often unknowable.  It requires a type of acceptance, a willingness to roll with it and an abdication of control; very difficult skills for most people, especially if one is responsible for a deceased's property.  Sometimes in the grief process, "the black hole" days are endless and too frequent to be tolerated (probably why most people will do almost anything not to go there.).  Other times, grief sweeps over you lightly for a moment and keeps moving on. There is no recipe for grieving.  There is no guarantee that if you do the work, it won't surface again.

Serge Prengel describes it well in relation to Kubler-Ross' seven stages of grief in the death and dying experience, The 5 - or 7 - stages of grief & loss: The grief cycle & the grieving ..., as a roller coaster of chaotic feelings.  This characteristic differentiates grief from depression.  Grief is extremely energetic, whereas depression's characteristic energy pattern is -- well, depressed. Unexpressed or unprocessed grief will turn to depression like unprocessed anger and fear will turn to depression.  Faith and an honoring of the Self is often the only motivator in opening the grief door.


So then, how do we process grief? As mentioned above, it is rolling with it; being with what is, as it is, even in the sometimes unusual expression of it or the inconvenient timing. This is inevitably, at least part of the time, an excruciating and uncomfortable business; like being in an undertow for a prolonged period of time. Having empathic others for backboards to verbalize your experience is helpful.  Following the body and voice's cues, no matter how strange, bizarre and incomprehensible may be another way of rolling with it, if you can give yourself the time and space.  

healing in the grief nest

There are several essential oils (eo) very useful in grief.  The classic eo for grief is Helicrysum. Angelica and Petigrain are also deeply restorative.  Used in bath salts, lotions/oils or in diffusers at night, could be very helpful in taking the edge off, supporting the organism in its process.  Having bodywork done by a trusted other during this time would be nourishing.  Therapeutic Touch, Reiki, Acupuncture, massage, reflexology are all ways to return, to experience a semblance of yourself again, releasing static tensions.  Maintaining a breath-centered practice like Qigong or Yoga, swimming or walking is a way of clearing staid energy and getting one's flow back.  Movement is a big stress reducer, and if possible, would be good to have in play regularly.  And of course there is always blessed sleep. 

Bach Flower remedies are a subtle way to support the taxed organism. Rescue Remedy, the crisis and emergency remedy, is a combination of flower essences equivalent to an emotional first-aid kit, containing five single remedies: Rock Rose, Clematis, Impatient, Star of Bethlehem and Cherry Plum. Star of Bethlehem is the quintessential Flower essence for shock, loss and grief;

Grief is a constantly shifting storm front to weather. It's a soul-growing process.  Somehow, we are better for knowing it, but often don't know this until a long while after.

Grief is itself a medicine.  ~William Cowper

suggested reading:

Unattended Sorrow: Recovering from Loss and Reviving the Heart

(anything by Steven Levine is good on this subject)

On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler\