Procurement to Plate: the Joy of Partaking (part I)

I’m inspired by several conversations I’ve had over the last few weeks.  The conversations haven’t been about one area of life or another.  The vibrating thread through all of them has been the attitude and the relatedness we are willing to bring to the journey, any journey.

The very fact we would look at anything (such as a medical/health treatment, our upcoming meal, a room’s renovation, a child’s education) as a journey is already an attitude adjustment.  A journey, an adventure, assumes a process, an interest in the aspects of the process, possibly an excitement and a curiosity.  Once we are aware of a process being present in our life, we begin to ask questions, identify the beginning, middle, end and inbetweens of the adventure.  Already, there is a palpable life around the process.  A sense of vitality around the questions of what do I/we value, what is a priority, how am I related to other, the process and myself.  Life!  Interest!  Attention!  The Chi/Prana is flowing; I feel more of my life inside and outside of myself.  I begin to recognize by this activation the life all around me.

When I consider the nourishment (and healing) of my body I think and consider the journey of procurement to plate; that is how and where I buy the raw ingredients for a meal, how I consider them (and myself) in their preparation, how I plate, how I serve, how I imbibe what has been prepared and even go as far as to think about how I store leftovers.  Each of these steps on the adventure of feeding myself and others (body and soul) can be layered and complex.  The adventure is solidly centered in:  how can I optimize my health, my received impressions, my well being and pleasure in the engagement with nature, other and myself.

Market Madness.

One of the things that has helped me at the beginning of any procurement journey is to make sure my curiosity is up and running.  There is no place for the automatic, knee-jerk self when I am trying to resonate and sensitize myself to the important job of opening (especially to food and people). 

Because of food sustainability, a reality in USA food sourcing, curiosity is almost required.  Health, sustainability and wellbeing are dependent on diversity; diversity of food sources and the willingness to engage with the unfamiliar.  Market shopping, in this light, becomes an adventure.  I try consistently to purchase one unfamiliar thing from each food group I am buying.  This could be a vegetable, fruit, protein source (ie: an up to now, unknown type of fish), or grain/complex carbohydrate (ie: amaranth, millet).  I try to buy local.  I try to buy seasonal, organic when possible.  I try to be present to what is available; to sense the vibration and aliveness of the food, to have the food come to me, for me to be attracted to its freshness/life (it’s so beautiful!  do not resist!).  I often opt to pick up “bugaboo” foods I hated as a child to see if I have a different experience of them now (ie: brussel sprouts, lima beans, peas). I notice what foods have not traveled well, or were not treated well farm to market.  I notice what was harvested too early and too late.  

Already the relationship has begun.  

If something jumps out at me, makes me smile and be excited, I pick it up, even if I don’t know what it is or what to do with it. To enjoy the curiosity more, I inquisit with the grocer, start a conversation with the other hovering shoppers about this curious food product.  In addition, via the internet, I can find out anything; what is it, nutrition content and what to do with it.  I’ve discovered very interesting, nutritious foods; foods that add color, texture and add an interesting variety to a meal (tomatillos, prickly pear, dragon fruit, unfamiliar melons or squash, several Asian greens I now recognize, but still don’t know their names—can’t read Chinese).  This is important:  Important for diversity of nutrition and source sustainability.  Important for keeping my culinary field open.  Boredom and repetition leads to disinteresting dining, ruts and a lack of diet diversity.  I am feeding my body, spirit and soul.  I want to care and be excited about my engagement with food.

photo credit:  Lalu Danzker

Switching up where you shop, trying new places encourages the curiosity factor.  Try not going to a supermarket for a month; shop only farmer’s markets, farm stands, food coops, non-industrialized food sources.  Yes, it is inconvenient sometimes.  Yes it is a different experience that sometimes is not easy (the selections may be limited, prices pricier).  But again, one’s culinary field is opened, more receptive.  Mindful eating is hardly ever about convenience or what is comfortable.  It’s about interest, joy and pleasure.

In this endeavor I have found relationship.  Relationship with farmers, small market purveyors, local artisan cheese makers and bakers. I ask questions, they ask me questions. They know me, I know them.  We have a mutual appreciation.  This is soul warming. It does my heart good (as it probably does them).  It is more fun, more interesting.  I feel more connected to my food, because I am.  I know the source.  I know where the fish came from.  I know how the fish was treated because I know the guy who trucked it.  This impacts my well being.  This infiltrates my preparation (I think of them as I chop and cook); their efforts are closer to me.  I feel a fuller connection, I feel a Oneness.  I have a sense of obligation to them, the food and myself to cook well what has been provided. 

photo credit: Lalu Danzker

I have only had remarkable outcomes and experiences doing this.  Buying a chicken from a small poultry farmer, getting to know her in the process, how she treats the chickens, what she thinks and feels about her chickens have given me a transformative culinary experience. I glean her excitement and love of her work, her relationship with her birds.  When I eat her chicken, it is like eating a miracle.  I taste its domestic wildness in the fiber of the flesh, the deep, earthy flavor. I feel its realness; I feel the farmer’s love and investment in the flesh.  The chicken’s good life is transmitted to me.  It is an experience.  This is a joy. It almost feels like receiving a sacrament, a total privilege to partake.  Also, a small portion goes a long way, leaving me fully satisfied and satiated.  Most ordinary chickens (even the organic ones) I am left with wanting more, because I am missing its essence, lost in its poor treatment in life and death.

In following posts, I will continue with the related processes of Partaking:

Preparation, Plating, Service, Leftovers; how does more engagement in these ordinary efforts feed more of me, enhance my wellbeing, and support joy in living.

Modern Toiletry

The subject of toiletry has pertained to all people through all of time.  Ancient Egyptians mastered it making it an art form.  Medieval Europeans suffered a significant lack of engagement with it.  What does modern toiletry say about us and our relationship to wellness?

Toiletry is a type of self care.  It involves self-touch and self-appreciation.  Media-zation has considerably distorted the practice.  It has become dousing oneself in chemical-based colognes and products (to cover odor), masking aspects of ourself we would be culturally embarrassed by (hair, wrinkles, blemishes, scars).  Toiletry shouldn't be based on cultural embarrassment.  It's not a negative influence.  It's a celebration of the body we live in, an appreciation and honoring of our function.  We wash ourselves not only of dirt and sweat, but of dead cells and static energy.  We attend to rough skin and callus.  By touching and looking with appreciation (not condemnation), we mindfully care for ourselves.  This care changes our respiration rate and hormonal output.  It is a subtle message to the rest of me, a message of love, which impacts the entire organism.

Much like other basic activities in modern life, toiletry has gone to the wayside.  Basic activities like cooking a meal from scratch to feed the body (inclusive of spirit and soul) has become separated from most of me and has become mechanical.  So too, bathing becomes automatic, something we do because we should do it, but often it is missing the intention, the love of oneself that actually impacts our health and wellness. Like most things, we find shortcuts to move through eating and toileting as fast as we can.  In this rushed process, we eliminate care; care of ourselves on a dimensional level.  In a gym setting, I've watched with interest the absence of toiletry in others.  I'm not talking about people not showering after working out.  I'm talking about the lack of consciousness in the bathing and toiletry activity.  People barely dry off from a shower, throw clothes on and are out the door.  There is no awareness of their bodies in this way, of their skin or hair.  I sometimes think I am an observer outside a fast food restaurant; the sensibility is similar.

Toiletry involves our largest organ:  the epidermis-- skin.  Skin breathes.  It respirates, removing toxins. What we put on it is absorbed into our bloodstream, hence effecting the rest of our organ systems.  By subjecting it to seemingly benign chemicals, whether it be commercial soaps, shampoos, oils and lotions we further toxify ourselves as much as if we ingested these harsh substances.  So we need to take a look at the quality of water we use and the ingredients in these topicals.  It's possible to buy (and make!) lotions and oils that are whole, chemically free.  Appalachian Valley Natural Products http://www.av-at.com has lotions, oils, shampoos and other toiletry needs that fit this bill.  They sell a wide range of harvested/processed-with-integrity essential oils for you to customize the scent or desired energetic response of the scent-free product (i.e.: lavender good for relaxation, rosemary good for stimulation of hair follicles, etc).  They sell minimally processed lotions, like avocado butter and almond oil, good for hydration and softening respectively.

At the heart of all this, is the emotional and psychological aspect of basic self care.  It could be our (cultural) indoctrination of shame and contempt of the human body or the particular human body we live in with all its flaws and imperfections, impacts the cursory way we approach toiletry.  Or the guilt of not deserving the time, place, space or resources to manifest this type of care upon ourselves is another influence.  And then there is the denial, that intention and consciousness is not really that relevant to basic things like eating and bathing.  Just cook it, or sponge it and get it over with.  It would be interesting to try the experiment of taking one's daily shower as one usually does, with the addition of an awareness of how it is done (without changing anything about it).  And then on another day, taking one's daily shower with the addition of intention and care.  Conscious of the pressure of the cloth or sponge down the various limbs, the breath in the body as whole scents permeate the shower atmosphere.  How does it feel to take time and awareness in the drying process, noticing the small almost imperceptible needs of various parts; a small massage to a tired knee, a sandstone to a tough and callused heel.  Is there a difference?  What is the difference?  Look in the mirror, does this attention change how I feel, how I look, the tension levels in my body?  How does this effect me?  Is there an accumulated benefit if toiletry is regularly performed like this?

I had an interesting conversation with an old friend the other day.  We spoke about how it is the imperceptible and indirect actions which brings about meaningful, authentic change, not the direct and usually ego driven imposition of ideas or actions.  The small garden privately tended impacts the neighbors, impacts the person doing it, who then brings that influence into their day and to those with whom they interface.  The love and self care one shows oneself will mirror to the outside world, impacting all.  When we forgo these small opportunities of showing care to oneself or others, whether it be cooking a meal, or simply bathing with more awareness and self-love, we indirectly shower (pun intended) disregard, lack of awareness in our daily atmosphere.  This intrinsically leads to insensitivity and inconsideration.  A small act will do this:  what I care and don't care to put in or on my body, how I care or don't care to acknowledge about my body by lack of caring touch and regard. It's subtle yet pervasive.

Guilt's Pleasure and its Mayhem on Wellness

We are all susceptible to guilt. I remember, with astonishment, being a brand new mother and the feelings of guilt that panged me when my newborn threw up, or was gassy, or in any way unhappy.  I remember how shocking it was to feel this, not being used to that feeling, in that unfamiliar situation.  It was new and a somewhat ridiculous response, but there it was.

Depending on your cultural background, guilt can be a daily occurrence that riddles us with negativity, releasing stress hormones which significantly impact our health and wellness. Working with clients and my own self observations of guilt-visits indicates it is an indoctrination that has led to it becoming a fully ingrained habit.  A habit that is sapping our life force.  A habit established, probably, generations before us.

Something rings false when I feel that inclination to obliterate a feeling (usually negative) .  What is guilt good for?  Maybe it is the first bell rung asking for conscience to surface.  Maybe it is a precursor to remorse (I have my doubts on that one).  Mosquitoes serve a purpose (delectable food for birds and bats); so must guilt, I guess.

There is a difference between guilt and remorse.   Remorse is an actual feeling-meeting of "I can never do this again" and the sadness you did whatever you did to such an extent, your gut knows it can never happen again.  Remorse is a deep feeling that actually leads to behavior change.  Guilt is merely feeling bad, masks as having depth, with wringing of hands and "mea culpa", but the behavior associated to the action will usually be seen again and again.

There is some band-aid pleasure with guilt.  A superficial, "I feel bad-- that should do it, move on" kind of reaction.  We have guilt about accidents out of our control, tragedies somebody in us thinks we could have prevented even if they are an ocean and continent away, with people we often never met.  Guilt infiltrates what and how we eat, the way we spend money, our leisure time and relationships.  It undermines us, stresses us, brings bagfuls of negativity to our daily lives.  Yet, we minimize it, turn away and discount the hold it has on us.  There is some pleasure in the angst that is hard to let go of, some payback.

How to deal with guilt?  Guilt, like other mostly automatic negativity, doesn't appreciate the light.  Once an awareness and standing before it is possible, it atrophies quite naturally, slipping into the shadows whence it came.  So the work with guilt is bringing an awareness to it.  One might recognize it by the feeling in one's chest, the considerable tightening in a jaw or lower back.  One doesn't need to understand or analyze it.  But, we are required to be with it, breathe with it.  Find the silence in oneself while the manifestation of guilt begins to free fall.


Guilt and Worry.  Both so easy to discount, while being so wearing.  Is it because most of me hasn't been insistent enough on having a modicum of joy, hence allows for these large bouts of guilt/worry doses to transpire?  Or is it that most of me has confused a life worth living as having a lot of pain, sorrow, negativity; is it that introspection is mixed up with self-infliction?  Or maybe it truly is a life-long and generational indoctrination; a part of me, like a limb or an organ.  Yeah, it bothers me sometimes, but what are you going to do?

Guilt disables our sense of living without regret.  It ensures the cascade of stress hormones, taxing our bodies and our being.  A sense of well being and peace is the antidote to guilt.  But like what cutting oneself is for some people, the momentary pain of guilt is for others.  It feels sorta good.  Until that feeling is acknowledged, guilt will always be a distraction, a smoke screen we secretly (unconsciously?) cultivate, effectively keeping at bay the life worth living.

The Care of Aging Parents: Making the Last Laps Rich (Part II)

In Part I on this topic, I centered the post around the idea of setting an intention of what we want in the healing and transformation of the relationship with one's aging loved one.  Opening to the feeling aspect of what it is we want prepares the ground for the details, and helps sees us through the challenges of what is put into play—what, hopefully, we and our parents want.  In this Part II, I will deal more with the nuts-and-bolts of how to provide the sustenance that makes these last laps rich and meaningful for you and them.

Once the intention is set, it is good to determine how you and your elder are going to work together.  Are they handing everything over to you, abdicating all control?  Or do they want to be co-determiners as long as possible?  How will this work, how is it imagined?  Part of the healing in the relationship is the sublime relating we do with them, and they with us.  The confronting the hard things in a soft way, the 'yes' and the 'no's. The disagreements, fears, the sensitivity to the taking control and having little say.  It's this territory that is fertile, if not a challenge to navigate.  This is where we attempt to optimize our Listening,  our Attending-to/Attention, our Observing.  This is where breath and a nuanced appreciation for what Is can transform the difficult transitions.

You see your elder aging, having a more difficult time doing basic things, like laundry, cooking and cleaning.  You might even notice a hygiene deficit or important memory lapses (not taking medications in a timely manner, forgetting to pay bills, etc.)  By this time, it's late in the game.  It's late in the game, because of Denial.  Denial on everyone's part.  Experiencing or noticing a decline in a loved one or self is not easily accepted and often minimized.  We want the old homeostasis, even though change is well underway.  We think it's ok for them to be left alone for a few hours, or even though their balance is somewhat shaky, it's ok as long as their cane is nearby.  This lack of acknowledgement of a decline is denial and it is dangerous.  The primary concern we should have is safety.  Are they safe 100% of the day?  They aren't if they're forgetting medications, leaving the kettle on when on the stove or not being hygienic.  Always best to err on safety's side.  Have more coverage, not less.

Decline comes in all gradations;  gradual to quick.  It's important that once it is underway, there are watchful others around regularly to gage needed interventions.  It might start with grocery runs, housekeeping every other week, or help with a weekly shower.  A decline in social engagement outside the home is a subtle marker as well.  This often happens when an elder realizes they are losing memory (uncomfortable conversing with people who know them but whom they don't remember knowing) or have lost a physical fitness that makes it uncomfortable to be more active.  Losing memory can be very subtle and effectively hidden  by vague responses.  Dementia is masked by depression and sometimes vice versa.  He/she that has created an intention to be the 'observer' engaged with the elder becomes responsible for this watching and deciding/co-deciding with the elder when intervention is required.

Every situation is so different. There are myriad ways people can creatively care for loved ones, and also myriad situations in which the caring transpires.  It may be a collective of family members, or a trusted caretaker or group of them who reports to an adult child who is far away.  Determining the elder's wishes (early on, if possible) is helpful in determining what can be set up (home care, elder care in a senior community, etc).  And of course what is physically and financially possible for the adult child.

Early on, it is vital to consider obtaining power of attorney and/or a medical healthcare proxy for your parent.  It is easier for you to manage your parent's finances this way, and there isn't any holdup when it comes to healthcare decisions.  Outside sources that may be of help are your elder's doctor's office (might have referrals to home care agencies, social workers, etc), and local community senior centers which have programs during the day. Also seek information about alternative resources to support your loved one's needs, be they day/night companions, meals on wheels, rides to doctor appointments, groceries, etc.  If your elder is coming from a hospital situation, case managers and hospital social workers are knowledgeable goldmines regarding external resources and medicare/medicaid insurance payment of needed medical supplies; mine them fully.  Visiting Nurse organizations will do a full home assessment to determine level of care required and make suggestions.  Often, Medicare/Medicaid and private insurances pay most of this service.

When deciding on an elder institution (if that is an option you are considering), ask a lot of questions, field them not only to the 'home', but other professionals.  Hospital nurses that deal with the geriatric population often have an interesting perspective.  They see people come in from different places in different conditions, they hear and are aware of the best and worst places.  From institutions, ask for family references.  What are the activities (i.e.,  are residents ever taken off campus?), is there music, art, plant, pet therapies? What is the ratio of care, caregiver to resident?  Is there a "care for the caretaker" program helping with staff burnout? You should be able to get a rating on the establishment from the better business bureau, possibly AARP, etc.  Once an institution is decided upon, it behooves you to form congenial, informed relationships with the staff; they see you frequently, they know your expectations, they are aware of your strong advocacy for your parent.  When things go awry, a steady, calm, rational response is much more powerful than a reaction.   The former elicits respect from staff.  The latter elicits defensiveness and does not bode well for the care of your parent.  This being said, uncharacteristic strong reactions infrequently provided (and merited), are a heads up, pull-up-your-socks reminder to caretakers, which can go a long way to improving care.

For all caretakers, at any level of care, at any point in time, it should be assumed burn-out, compassion fatigue, will develop.  It is a huge undertaking having the welfare of another in your hands.  Being connected to one's breath, finding nourishing quiet moments for oneself helps to soften the hardness, opens one to another type of rest and rejuvenation.  Take care of yourself; make sure those caring for your loved one are also taking care of themselves.  It is through this regular practice where the quandaries, obstacles and difficulties are often relinquished.  Less tension in your body and in your life allow for another understanding, a possible spark of creative genius in solving a problem, an attraction to the thing or person that is needed in a moment.  This is the miracle of this process.  The process of healing a relationship, transforming a life in the middle and at the end.  This is what makes the last laps so rich, even while it is so hard.

Back to Basics

It's probably safe to say, everything (earthly) is grounded in foundational basics.  I am reminded of this as winter continues to challenge human basics like, safety, warmth, shelter;  our time is spent maintaining these basics more ardently unlike other times of the year.

Not to simplify, but if you asked most professionals what is the most important thing about being an expert in their field, many of them would say it is their grasp of the basics in their specific area.  Yes, it is true, professionals have spent numerous creative years evolving their basic knowledge, but it is all grounded in basic understanding.  A basketball coach returns to basics as she increases the skill of her charges, a chess master has the form of the game to return to as he hones his strategy, a farmer knows it is the dirt that matters.  Plants need water and sun, but if the dirt plants grow in isn't renewed and nourished, the plants don't thrive.  Attention to the plants is natural, but attention to how the dirt is fairing is basic to the health of the plant.

And so it is with us.  We are human.  We are supposed to be in flow as pointed out in our several circulation systems (blood, lymph, respiration, cerebral spinal fluids).  Winter or not, flow we must be.  So, getting back to basics for us would be asking questions that we may have gotten distanced from due to weather or lack of sunlight.

Am I hydrated adequately?  Because sweat is not the most obvious occurrence in cold weather, we tend to drink less water in the winter, losing track of fluid intake.  Adequate hydration keeps the various virus' and viral bacteria on the move.  Flushing the system keeps us in flow.

Am I moving enough?  Movement in inertia-prone cold weather, keeps the immune-promoting lymph circulating. It also primes and helps to balance our hormone-producing organs.  It tweaks our pancreas, pineal gland and thyroid.  This is basic for wellness.  Movement supports our winter-waning qi and prana.  Our winter-subdued respirations are woken up and start to flow, activating all the other circulation processes.

What is the quality of my rest?  This probably hinges on one's activity level.  Rest for most 21st century occupants is tied to electronic media or technology.  Gone is the ritual of putting one's feet up in front of a fire and relaxing with a good book.  So, how is your rest?  Do the little-vigilances that we all participate in, let down?  Are they shook up a little bit everyday with deep laughter?  Laughter?  Remember that carefree, releasing action?  Yet another aspect of rest is engaging with spirit.


And finally we come to another basic: nutrition.  Ah, nutrition in winter.... what exactly is that?  The greens available are so uninspiring.  The body craves carbs.  Ugh. Maybe nutrition in winter is about following from the inside out.  What calls me after having tired of endless soups, broths and teas?  Fleshy, golden squash?  Fresh herbs, fragrant and deep in color?  protein-rich mushrooms with their particular dense vibration? an herby-wine poached white fish locally caught?  Potato-garlic mash?  I spend a lot of time being still in the produce section of stores. (I spent about 10 minutes with a bunch of foot long chives the other day, admiring their plump juicy heads, imagining them in a stir fry, or thrown in at the last minute in a fish stew.)  Looking. Watching. Opening.  This is required in winter, unlike the abundant seasons of spring, summer and fall, when the produce is grabbing you with their energy as you try to pass them.  Produce just isn't that spunky in winter.  It travels long distances, and is usually displaced from its normally exotic home.  It's jet-truck lagged?  Been on ice too long?  Sometimes a long opening wait in front of greens is required before you can hear the call.

The qi manifests in glowing embers rather than burning fires.  Ambitions and ego are subdued.  It's a slow time.  Back to basics.

Provide and Protect

I am writing about protection because it's been coming to my front door in one aspect or another over the last few days.  One of the rules about protection is when it comes to your threshold,  you sit up, pay attention and do what you need to do (provide) to be safe and, well.... protected.

The word "protection" tends to raise red flags.  But in my mind, protection is as benign as brushing your teeth routinely or getting your oil changed on the car every few months. Care and a thoughtful maintenance are precursors to both providing and protecting.  For both realists and alarmists, protection is required when one is vulnerable, in a weakened moment, or partial to victimization at a given time.  As a generalization, responsible parents are exemplary at this and I've noticed as a group, men also are very good at it, when cued into that part of their nature.  Call it sexist, call it chivalrous, there is something comforting in watching men vigilantly watch out for their women folk in the myriad of ways that they do.

Protection comes in many forms; who you are, what you believe, what rituals you are familiar and comfortable with will dictate what form will serve you.  Every religion has their symbology which can serve as protection.   Christians have worn crosses around their necks for centuries for (Jesus') protection.  Veils required in some religious houses hearkens back to the dark ages when veils were seen as a protection from evil spirits (bad spirits skim off the head gear and avoid synagogue/temple entry?). High thresholds (18") at the entry of traditional Chinese abodes are meant to trip up evil spirits. If you were the mythological god Achilles, you'd know what you would have to protect. And so it is with us.

We know our weaknesses.  And we are usually aware of what to do to keep ourselves from harms way.  Some examples:  Heated buildings-cold weather winter combination brings chafed skin conditions; we protect and provide by using extra emollient lotions, increased vitamin C and E intake (bolsters and strengthens cell structure, inhibiting breakdown) and cover overexposed skin to water and the elements.

Flight or fight responses are protective mechanisms.  A vulnerable person in a threatening situation could get their rankles up, be peskily annoying, scream, argue or take the fall back approach of disappearing or acting ignorant/stupid.  Any one of these choice of expressions is an individual's hedged bet that they will be left alone or be helped (squeaky wheel gets the grease, no matter what squeaky sounds like).

Then we have provide and protect tactics when dealing with energy; our own or others.  Talismans like jewelry, stones, pendants that have significance (have been blessed, come from a strong source) are often used.  My mother used to tell me engagement rings (even though they came first) went second over wedding bands as a source of protection for the marriage. Prayer or ritual around safeguarding one's own energy field in preparation of a difficult encounter or anticipated negative field is useful.  "Power" clothing and certain colors are psychic and psychological protection for perhaps an intrepid meeting. The main action is one of creating an intention while including provisions that become a reassuring reminder.

What would be a meaningfully considerate act to ourselves when approaching a threat?  The very consideration of the question is the first step in providing protection and a thoughtful care gesture to oneself.  Things and situations that threaten, scare and steal energy from us cannot always be avoided.  Entering the crucible is often necessary for our arising.  But considering what protects our energy, rituals that support our being--- is a self-care approach that affirms a right self-Love.