Guilt's Pleasure and its Mayhem on Wellness

We are all susceptible to guilt. I remember, with astonishment, being a brand new mother and the feelings of guilt that panged me when my newborn threw up, or was gassy, or in any way unhappy.  I remember how shocking it was to feel this, not being used to that feeling, in that unfamiliar situation.  It was new and a somewhat ridiculous response, but there it was.

Depending on your cultural background, guilt can be a daily occurrence that riddles us with negativity, releasing stress hormones which significantly impact our health and wellness. Working with clients and my own self observations of guilt-visits indicates it is an indoctrination that has led to it becoming a fully ingrained habit.  A habit that is sapping our life force.  A habit established, probably, generations before us.

Something rings false when I feel that inclination to obliterate a feeling (usually negative) .  What is guilt good for?  Maybe it is the first bell rung asking for conscience to surface.  Maybe it is a precursor to remorse (I have my doubts on that one).  Mosquitoes serve a purpose (delectable food for birds and bats); so must guilt, I guess.

There is a difference between guilt and remorse.   Remorse is an actual feeling-meeting of "I can never do this again" and the sadness you did whatever you did to such an extent, your gut knows it can never happen again.  Remorse is a deep feeling that actually leads to behavior change.  Guilt is merely feeling bad, masks as having depth, with wringing of hands and "mea culpa", but the behavior associated to the action will usually be seen again and again.

There is some band-aid pleasure with guilt.  A superficial, "I feel bad-- that should do it, move on" kind of reaction.  We have guilt about accidents out of our control, tragedies somebody in us thinks we could have prevented even if they are an ocean and continent away, with people we often never met.  Guilt infiltrates what and how we eat, the way we spend money, our leisure time and relationships.  It undermines us, stresses us, brings bagfuls of negativity to our daily lives.  Yet, we minimize it, turn away and discount the hold it has on us.  There is some pleasure in the angst that is hard to let go of, some payback.

How to deal with guilt?  Guilt, like other mostly automatic negativity, doesn't appreciate the light.  Once an awareness and standing before it is possible, it atrophies quite naturally, slipping into the shadows whence it came.  So the work with guilt is bringing an awareness to it.  One might recognize it by the feeling in one's chest, the considerable tightening in a jaw or lower back.  One doesn't need to understand or analyze it.  But, we are required to be with it, breathe with it.  Find the silence in oneself while the manifestation of guilt begins to free fall.


Guilt and Worry.  Both so easy to discount, while being so wearing.  Is it because most of me hasn't been insistent enough on having a modicum of joy, hence allows for these large bouts of guilt/worry doses to transpire?  Or is it that most of me has confused a life worth living as having a lot of pain, sorrow, negativity; is it that introspection is mixed up with self-infliction?  Or maybe it truly is a life-long and generational indoctrination; a part of me, like a limb or an organ.  Yeah, it bothers me sometimes, but what are you going to do?

Guilt disables our sense of living without regret.  It ensures the cascade of stress hormones, taxing our bodies and our being.  A sense of well being and peace is the antidote to guilt.  But like what cutting oneself is for some people, the momentary pain of guilt is for others.  It feels sorta good.  Until that feeling is acknowledged, guilt will always be a distraction, a smoke screen we secretly (unconsciously?) cultivate, effectively keeping at bay the life worth living.

Back to Basics

It's probably safe to say, everything (earthly) is grounded in foundational basics.  I am reminded of this as winter continues to challenge human basics like, safety, warmth, shelter;  our time is spent maintaining these basics more ardently unlike other times of the year.

Not to simplify, but if you asked most professionals what is the most important thing about being an expert in their field, many of them would say it is their grasp of the basics in their specific area.  Yes, it is true, professionals have spent numerous creative years evolving their basic knowledge, but it is all grounded in basic understanding.  A basketball coach returns to basics as she increases the skill of her charges, a chess master has the form of the game to return to as he hones his strategy, a farmer knows it is the dirt that matters.  Plants need water and sun, but if the dirt plants grow in isn't renewed and nourished, the plants don't thrive.  Attention to the plants is natural, but attention to how the dirt is fairing is basic to the health of the plant.

And so it is with us.  We are human.  We are supposed to be in flow as pointed out in our several circulation systems (blood, lymph, respiration, cerebral spinal fluids).  Winter or not, flow we must be.  So, getting back to basics for us would be asking questions that we may have gotten distanced from due to weather or lack of sunlight.

Am I hydrated adequately?  Because sweat is not the most obvious occurrence in cold weather, we tend to drink less water in the winter, losing track of fluid intake.  Adequate hydration keeps the various virus' and viral bacteria on the move.  Flushing the system keeps us in flow.

Am I moving enough?  Movement in inertia-prone cold weather, keeps the immune-promoting lymph circulating. It also primes and helps to balance our hormone-producing organs.  It tweaks our pancreas, pineal gland and thyroid.  This is basic for wellness.  Movement supports our winter-waning qi and prana.  Our winter-subdued respirations are woken up and start to flow, activating all the other circulation processes.

What is the quality of my rest?  This probably hinges on one's activity level.  Rest for most 21st century occupants is tied to electronic media or technology.  Gone is the ritual of putting one's feet up in front of a fire and relaxing with a good book.  So, how is your rest?  Do the little-vigilances that we all participate in, let down?  Are they shook up a little bit everyday with deep laughter?  Laughter?  Remember that carefree, releasing action?  Yet another aspect of rest is engaging with spirit.


And finally we come to another basic: nutrition.  Ah, nutrition in winter.... what exactly is that?  The greens available are so uninspiring.  The body craves carbs.  Ugh. Maybe nutrition in winter is about following from the inside out.  What calls me after having tired of endless soups, broths and teas?  Fleshy, golden squash?  Fresh herbs, fragrant and deep in color?  protein-rich mushrooms with their particular dense vibration? an herby-wine poached white fish locally caught?  Potato-garlic mash?  I spend a lot of time being still in the produce section of stores. (I spent about 10 minutes with a bunch of foot long chives the other day, admiring their plump juicy heads, imagining them in a stir fry, or thrown in at the last minute in a fish stew.)  Looking. Watching. Opening.  This is required in winter, unlike the abundant seasons of spring, summer and fall, when the produce is grabbing you with their energy as you try to pass them.  Produce just isn't that spunky in winter.  It travels long distances, and is usually displaced from its normally exotic home.  It's jet-truck lagged?  Been on ice too long?  Sometimes a long opening wait in front of greens is required before you can hear the call.

The qi manifests in glowing embers rather than burning fires.  Ambitions and ego are subdued.  It's a slow time.  Back to basics.

Unmentionables: Menses

Through history, “that time of month” has been a source of belittlement by others called all sorts of things by all sorts of people (unknowing, fearful, unfamiliar).  It is beguiling that something that often causes discomfort and pain would be a source of mockery and even disgust by others.  I’ve often seen menses in sort of miraculous terms, an incredible cycle that is as reliable as the sun and moon rising and setting everyday, the tides rolling in and out; a reminder to take good care, step back, slow down. Women’s cycles relate us to all of nature’s cycles.  This is a big thing. Even the experienced discomfort, has possibly been something through the ages that has enabled women to develop enormous strength and endurance and a capacity for introspection in the often enforced quietness of “bearing” the symptoms of their physiology.  Though most of us know in broad terms what goes on biologically during the time of a woman’s menses, I hope in this post to shed a little more light on it, to clarify the science of it and hence a better appreciation for this process which makes possible a continuation of human life on this planet, as well as holistic approaches to ease the monthly passage.

Physiology of menses

“That time of month” is a misnomer, as a woman’s cycle is in a continuous hormonal flux.  “PMS” (premenstrual syndrome) connotes the period prior to menses that includes bloating, headaches and irritability.  As in all hormonal fluxuations, temporary mental deficits (ie: memory, distractability) can be prevalent.  As anyone who has experienced the sometime disconcerting symptoms of hormonal flux through their continuum, navigating life, work and school takes self-patience and forbearance.

The endocrine system is the driver in a woman's menstrual cycle.  Ramped up production of estrogen (builds up the uterine wall in preparation for the possibility of a fertilized egg), then lutien hormone and finally progesterone aid in continuing this kind of miraculous cycle women experience every month.  This is a complex interplay of hormones that alternately surge and reduce in preparation of one stage or another in the cycle.  The dominant follicle in the ovary become a corpus luteum if unfertilized; it's primary function is producing large amounts of progesterone. Under the influence of progesterone, the endometrium (uterine lining) changes to prepare for potential implantation of an embryo to establish a pregnancy. If implantation does not occur within approximately two weeks, the corpus luteum will involute, causing sharp drops in levels of both progesterone and estrogen. These hormone drops cause the uterus to shed its lining and the unfertilized egg.  Hence, menses.

Men and women alike are controlled by the endocrine system's hormone play.  It's a kind of fantastically sublime regulator  When things are working right, it is usually very subtle.  Men (and I know you're reading this) who might have difficulty imagining what women experience in their menstrual cycles, can have a better understanding by relating to their experience to the hormone, insulin.  All humans have insulin coursing through their bodies at all times.  The wonderful intact check and balance system most of us enjoy prevents us from noticing the ups and downs significantly.  But with insulin, when we've eaten too little or too many carbs or concentrated sweets, we often can feel our insulin production wildly shift, trying to normalize.  We can get big highs and big lows, irritability, headaches or exhaustion are primary symptoms of insulin not behaving in its usual stealth manner. Men, if you've had this disenchanting experience, welcome to a woman's relationship to the hormones, estrogen and progesterone (primarily) and our nearly constant world spanning over four decades.

What's a girl to do?  No one has control (or even an awareness most of the time) of what their hormones are doing.  But since we do know the discomfort brought on by one's menstrual cycle is hormone-related, supporting one's optimal endocrine function  would be a positive start to reducing the symptoms.  As we know with insulin, if we take care not to make insulin production go into over drive or shut down, we don't get the labile shifts that cause havoc in the body and which in turn causes the suffering.

Attitude.  Susun Weed is the guru of great attitude when it comes to women's health and cycles.  She's "crunchy" (as in granola-girl crunchy), but even if you don't swing that way, her attitude is empowering and positive.  Her little article: Blood mysteries - Susun Weed - herbal medicine - women's health .. is a refreshing boost toward getting a new attitude to our not-to-be-denied function.  Appreciating instead of resenting this incredible process is an act of self love.  Women in general, need a lot more of that right kind of feeling. And it starts with us.

Diet/Nutrition:  Again, Susun Weed has some great advice in Ten Tips for Women with PMS.  Many of her suggestions require self care (like making infusions, taking the time to be mindful of additions you might want to make to food or drink, etc).  This in my mind is a woman's saving grace.  Not only does it instill self awareness and introspection, it actually forces us (unless we want to be fully miserable) to take the time our body is asking us to take and make preparations, consider interventions needed, slow down.  It's kind of great we get these reminders.  It's an aspect of our gender that is extremely valuable.  

Because estrogen increases two weeks prior to the mense date, it might be a good idea to not promote a further elevation of estrogen levels by using soy products or other estrogen-enhancing nutrition at that time.  Also, increasing calcium and magnesium in one's diet decreases unwanted symptoms (Susun mentions this in the above article and emphasizes we should get this through foods not supplements).  Drinking lots of water (abates headaches), (or better yet, infusion teas like stinging nettle-high in calcium, supports the adrenals) helps keep us in flow, the pain, cramps, unwanted symptoms on the move.  Listening to the body's needs is singularly important.  Taking time to listen to what the body is asking for goes a long way to knowing yourself and your cycle symptomology.

Exercise/Movement:  Moving your body regulates your body. Movement primes the cells and system (including endocrine), encourages mutuality and cooperation within the organism.  Most women can tell a huge difference in their menstrual symptoms from the months they have a well integrated exercise regimen and the months they don't.  Exercise improves all circulations within our systems, and is a cornerstone in dealing with daily and/or chronic tension (stress). Moving the body in enjoyment and pleasure is key to sustaining healthy periods.

Practical Rest:  Sometimes our periods hammer us into submission.  Why wait to get layed-low?  Be pre-emptive. Get to bed early when you feel it coming on, take naps when you can, lay down and put your feet up (against the wall feels great). And while you are lying there prostrate, possibly groaning, take some nice deep breaths and send your inhales to where it hurts and imagine their removal on the exhales (out the closest exit sight).  Working with your breath in this way aids circulation, prevents you from minimizing or holding your breath (never a good idea).  It also empowers you to be your own healer.  The weight and heat of a warming hot water bottle on your pelvis is a comfort.  Almost better is sending the living Qi in your hands right to the areas that are hurting while breathing is hugely beneficial.  Never underestimate your own healing energy. You were made for yourself.
 
 resources: 
Red Moon Herbs ~ We create potent herbal products, focusing on ...
 has wonderful combination herbs for PMS and "moon" days.  great products!

some light reading for those heavy days:
Moon Days is a literary, passionate, and profound collection.Twenty-six writers explore the "silent" parts of women's lives; reawakening our memories of embarrassment and shame and transforming them to wonder, excitement, and laughter.

Amazons in Appalachia by Awiakta

RED by Karen Murphy

The Red Tent: A Novel by Anita Diamant (Aug 21, 2007)

 Menstrual facts gleaned from:  Menstrual cycle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia