Anxiety: Inside the Box

The more I work with people and listen, it is apparent that we as a nation (world?) are suffering from a chronic low grade to debilitating anxiety.  And the more I listen, the more I understand it is rarely the seeming cause of the anxiety that is the problem (although, the world's collective distress is plenty).  Crisis and even levels of trauma are part of the human experience through our continuums.  We are built and designed to heal ourselves.

What I am hearing and seeing is the lack of inner preparedness, the non-cultivation of more Wholeness and well being in ourselves.   The culture at large does not introduce and nurture in people from a young age the means to navigate this.  We're just not prepared for the speed of life having not known well and appreciated, the slowness.  Most of us are indoctrinated from an early age to be productive, have attainable goals, to note the sequences leading up to success and imitate that.  But most of all, it is the what not to do that westerners have been taught that I believe has the anxiety-meter going through the roof.

We are taught not to value emotional intelligence, the creative impulse and the mysterious.  Indigenous cultures, and peoples whose values are close to nature, close to knowing more subtle and hidden aspects of themselves have this sort of preparedness to deal with crisis.  They have a well developed emotional intelligence  (see Emotional Competence and Autoimmunity).  There is a vertical knowing, a respect and value for a layered emotional connection to self, intuition and a metaphysical relationship to nature, spirit and others.

This type of modus operandi is not the norm in western culture.  We are far from Ourselves.  We put        all our energy into developing our cognitive abilities.  Our systems, paradigms and cultural structures are reason oriented and hierarchical.  There is an external, extend-out-from-ourselves emphasis.  This leaves our core depth, our should-be-solid vertical unsupported, unprepared for stress.  We are living within a tight and often claustrophobic box.  The delight of the unusual, unexpected manifestations and truths that ground our core selves become atrophied.  We operate from a fear-based need to be in control.  Our metaphysical, intuitive, creative self is not used in a balanced relationship with our cognitive capacities.  There is a stunting of this other aspect of ourselves.  This creates a chronic inner state (unseen, unfelt) of being bereft, separated from our inner reality.  There is no wonder we have anxiety.

What can be done? An affirmation of this core strength and a gentle visiting to those places in ourselves is required.  As is seen in the following article, when a corporate (western) approach is taken to encourage people to learn meditation or yoga (Is Mindfulness Making Us Sick?), 

unexpected and un-desirous results ensue.  It's an attempt to go from the (totally unprepared) outside to the In.  As the article points out, the In resists.  It puts up all sorts of resistance because it's a violent attempt (from its perspective) at awakening parts of ourselves that have had little activity.   This would be akin to sprinting a mile when you've been on the couch for a month.  So all the ego-survival mechanisms pull out the stops and what we get is a lot of disturbing body memories buried in a vault in ourselves.  It is a violence of sorts and because of the often insistent approach, not rooted in kindness but force.  A gentle, curious interest needs to be cultivated first.  In this state, knocking on that door might yield a gradual opening (if there is no agenda).  Everything in its own time.

The western approach (cognitive, analytical, systematic, efficient, rational) in a basically eastern method is not possible.  We have to lend ourselves to our more innate eastern capacities.  The creative, the metaphysical, the sensory-based--- all inherent in the human organism.  This is an intelligence of a totally different order.  It is wise when transversing on foreign soil, to be attentive, curious and humble in one's approach.  Temperance. Rome wasn't built in a day, or in a weekend meditation workshop.

Know Thyself.  Know your (present) limitations.  Feel what is keen inside.  If the door is not opening, it has its (good) reasons.  Respect this.  It is just for the present.  Bring a humility and care to all of yourself and your endeavors.  Ask for help.  Be discerning in whom you trust with your Depth.  Is it a hierarchical arrangement? If the relationship is less a mutuality and more a "I know more than you, I will teach you about you/what you should know", be careful (run for the hills).  A healing is always a state of self-empowerment (as messy and non-sensical as it sometimes may be).  A healing and healer finds you when you're ready, you don't have to go looking for it/them; you just have to be available, in a state of receptivity.  Receptivity blossoms when there is a nonjudgmental interest and an authentic curiosity.  With self-empathy and joy, start to experience aspects of yourself outside the box.  Anxiety will be less overwhelming and more manageable.

The Detox Dance

It's that time of year again; the time to cleanse, reinvigorate and renew.

Doing cleanses and detoxes through juicing or fasting has become almost common place.  When I started biannual cleanses back in the 90's, it wasn't usual with many people.  Back then, I was dealing with a serious healing crisis, and with the support of a wonderful naturopath went through a 6 month healing that involved several detox cleanses, hydrocolonic therapy, white light therapy and vitamin/mineral therapy. It was intense, expensive and totally worth it.  I completely healed without invasive procedures.  It actually changed my life and put me on the course I presently pursue.

So, why should people periodically detox (if you aren't contending with a healing crisis)?  And what is the best way to do it?

Our human propensity is grounded in habit; the good, the bad, the ugly and beautiful.  We are routine and habit oriented.  Never changing up the way we eat and behave creates a static energy field, and this most often leads to dis-ease.  As I've said in several posts,  we live in a vessel that is constantly working for us, often taxed and on overdrive.  The heart never stops beating, the lymphatic, circulatory and gastrointestinal systems similarly are always at work.  To give them a rest, a break from dealing with breaking down fats and sugars is a way to renew their function.  This sort of change, reinvigorates our metabolism, allows the systems to relinquish stored toxins, provides our spiritual self new impressions and jump starts a heightened awareness, hopefully offsetting the need to ever have to manage a healing crisis.  Cleansing rejuvenates and reinvigorates and is fully sympathetic with the Spring and Autumn seasons.

To the question, what is the best way to do it, well, there are many, many ways.  Back in the '90's it tended to be "hard core".  Juicing juicing juicing.  Water water water.  No morsel of anything with non-liquid texture touched one's lips for 16-30 days.  Kind of rough and kind of exhilarating.  Today, there are all sorts of products and ways to approach it.  What I initially counsel to others and take into account for myself is, who am I right now?  What can I manage?  What is feasible within a budget, and where is my spirit in relation to the endeavor of this type of renewal?

For those going through a healing crisis, jumping into a very intense period of fasting/juicing may not be ideal.  It may be necessary to build the body up first, get the liver filtering optimally before one undertakes a detox.  This requires guidance and support and one should get this from a trusted healthcare partner.

There are a few circumstances to consider when undertaking a detox:  avoiding free-radical conditions and constipation.

Free radicals are molecules with unpaired electrons. In their quest to find another electron, they are very reactive and cause damage to surrounding molecules.  In detoxing, it's important to continue to nourish the body while avoiding a starvation situation.  As soon as the body senses it isn't getting nourished, it goes into lock down to avoid what it perceives as starving/imminent death, releasing an onslaught of free radicals into the blood stream. Free radicals are everywhere, in the air, our bodies, and the materials around us. They cause cellular and molecular deterioration causing age-related illnesses, and are unwanted contributors to heart attacks, stroke and cancers.

Constipation happens when fiber is eliminated from the diet, circumstances which are prime when one is exclusively juicing.  To offset this, maximum hydration is required and use of hydrocolon therapy (colonics) and or use of natural products like psyllium (natural bulk laxative).  Work with a professional to consider the best options for you.

One of the interesting things about cleansing is watching how you handle the stages.  Initially, there can be irritability, headaches, low energy. As the cleanse progresses, it's not uncommon to feel an incredible inner and outer lightness and high energy.  Part of detoxing is listening to the body and providing. If you need to rest or sleep, make the time.  The commitment to the process is an exemplary effort of caring for oneself.  All the time cutting the vegetables, preparing the broths, cleaning the juicer parts.  It's a big investment of time, energy, mental focus/planning and money. It's beautiful when the commitment is strong in oneself; a true sense of self worth and love to oneself is experienced (even if there are periods of grousing about the time consumption!).  Recommitting to one's prayer or meditation practice helps deepen the cleanse experience.  It brings fortitude and a certain internal power and verticality that can offset the challenges and heighten the satisfaction.

photo credit: Lalu Danzker

Ways to approach a detox:

One can gradually move into it, eliminating a meal a day, replacing with juicing and gradually eliminating 2 meals and finally 3.  Have a plan or protocol for yourself, a structure and a way you will emotionally, spiritually and physically approach the effort.  Get some help and support for the plan by a healthcare partner.

Be careful what you juice.  Vegetables should be your primary source of nutrition with inclusion of few fruits.  For those with a big sweet tooth, you will be tempted to do a lot of fruit juicing.  Minimize this.  Also, even if vegetables are your main source of juice, one's stomach lining can get irritated.  Balance the juicing with alkaline broth.  One glass of broth accompanying a glass of fresh juice usually offsets stomach aches.  Alkaline broth can be made with vegetable scraps.  Potato skins, beet tops, spinach/chard stalks, etc.  Avoid salting the broth or using veg high in sodium, like onions.  Add lots of fresh herbs to make it tasty.  You can make a pot-full and strain it into glass containers (old peanut butter jars) for the week.  Try not to drink it cold; the juice tends to be cold and you want to offset the temperature with other.  We are particularly sensitive to "cold" foods when fasting, why we undertake it in the spring, not the winter.  You don't want the intestines to seize up but accept what is received graciously; so warm the broth when possible, drink a lot of herb tea like nettle and hawthorne.

photo credit: Lee van Laer

Go all organic, go seasonal.  You will be tempted to do cantaloupe and watermelon; they're big, you get  a lot of juice at one time, they taste great. But they're not seasonal in April and May (at least not in the northeast).  Tip your hat to disappearing winter and juice a lot of root vegetables in the spring (beets, parsnips, carrots, etc) adding in "new" spring greens like spinach, dandelion, chard.  This is an opportunity to fall in love with bitter greens like arugula; so tangy and delicious.  Organic is a no- brainer even if it's pricey.  The whole idea of a detox is to detox.  You don't want to put into your body low grade foods, taxing your cleanup process with pesticides and unfriendly microbes.  We are trying to decrease and neutralize inflammatory processes, bring more alkaline (vs acidic foods) into the system.  We need high quality vegetables and fruits.  Again, go organic.

For some, it is too stressful not to be able to masticate every day.  Foodies need texture.  Hence, exclusively juicing may not be possible.  There are many good products on the market that provide shakes, even bars to chew on while doing a cleanse.  This process is about wakening to oneself, where one is in the now.  We aren't trying to be perfect or hyper disciplined.  The "discipline" comes from the interest in the process.  If we've committed to eliminating food-food for a period there are going to be challenges.  If you have to masticate something, and there is too much tension and effort around the cleansing commitment, eat something.  If possible make it whole: carrot  or celery sticks, cucumber slices.  Don't complex carb-out with bread or junk. Sometimes a thin soup with vegetable nips the hankering.  Eat a piece of fruit.  Try to stay in the parameter of the things you are juicing (dandelion green salad with a few drops of olive oil and spray of lemon).  There is no guilt or forgiveness necessary.  Take care of yourself.  One of the signs that it's time to move out of the fast is the amount of daydreaming and planning one begins to do in relation to food.  If you find yourself thinking for inordinate amounts of time about what you're first meal is going to be, writing lists of menus for the first week back--- it's time to start shifting out of a cleanse.  When one begins to feel deprived, or is experiencing scarcity in relation to food, this is another cue it's time to back into a more normal dietary pattern.  Denial is not a great place on any level to live.  It undermines what efforts you've made thus far and puts future detoxes at risk.

When we detox, we aren't just eliminating through our gastrointestinal system, but through our skin and respiration as well.  Doing Ayurvedic skin brushing with a medium coarse, dry loofah sponge or brush prior to showering helps this process by stimulating lymph and circulation.  Brush the limbs and the torso several times always toward the heart. Do this before showering.  Finish the shower with a cool rinse.  Do exceptionally good mouth care.  Brush, waterpik, floss, tongue brush, mouthwash; the whole kit-n-caboodle.  Halitosis or bad breath is common during the detoxing period.  As you clean your body, clean your mouth:  with intention and excellence.  In all of this, you'll feel like a million bucks.

Back out of your cleanse the way you went into it:  gradually.  Eat small amounts of complex carbs (1/4 cup cooked per day) after a few days add in some dairy (preferably yogurt). You don't want to shock your sensitized system by going from nothing to a full fledged meal.  By the end of a fast, time has become slower, impressions are received in a much more sublime and quiet way.  Appreciate this.  Take stock in the detox dance you completed.

Returning: Authentic Movement in the Now

Sometimes we find ourselves in the throws of circumstances we know nothing about, and for which we have no reference point.  Perhaps it is precipitated by a shock, trauma, re-trauma causing a degree of disassociation. We are left almost bereft, uncertain, feeling outside of our normal self.  The world has turned upside down, we try to act, make decisions, behave to and in the completely unfamiliar.  What is, becomes living an estrangement; a betrayal of one's core truth.  In this disorienting position, we grapple with trying to reach an understanding with skills we don't have, that aren't in our normal milieu.  Perhaps the shock has us abandon our centered self, the place of understanding and homeostasis from which we usually operate.

Recovery is not immediate.  There is an unwinding necessary.  Typical destressing techniques don't work, aren't possible in this scenario.  Time is actually the healer, the thing that helps us regain perspective, bringing my externalized self back home.  Returning to the body as a point of reference, returning to the act of listening to the body is a salve that begins to heal the torn fabric of ourselves, our being.

In my mind this is the true value of the Authentic Movement (AM) form.  It's an invitation to return to what Is.  There is a client I have coached for several months and we have used AM in significant ways to reassociate (self)Presence as a prescription.  After a very difficult week of losses, I suggested she do some AM during our session.  Initially, she didn't want to; she felt too tired and she didn't want to do all the angry air punching she felt she would end up doing.  I asked her who in her believed she knew what her tired body would turn to in the moment of dropping in and stillness that is the beginning of the form.  That's a moment that is new, not laden with anticipation or agenda.  We are asked to breathe, sense and Be-- and then finally allow what is to manifest.


She described this session as I have described sessions, as many many others have described sessions, as being an affirmation of the body to Self, an experience of returning to what is true, now. When we stop, breathe, drop in-- the unexpected often happens.

We are our bodies in this way.  Our bodies are a source to return to for a reality check, for our truth to pass through and the rest of me to register.  All of a sudden, the frenetic head energy I've been running on all day is redistributed, transformed to include the rest of me.  I find my strength, my vertical in the presence of the body in the now.

Preparation: Procurement to Plate, the Joy of Partaking II

photo credit:  Lalu Danzker

So, you have hauled home a treasure trove of good eats from vendors with whom you have hopefully had a jolly time.  You are excited.  You are hopeful.  You are vibrating from relationship; relationship with your curious self, exquisite gifts from nature and beast, and a nourishing engagement with those who love and appreciate what they grow.  This is a happiness.  Now, in this gratitude, we consider how best to prepare these gifts.

How do we do this?  What are the influences?

The conditions vary.  We might have shopped with an idea of a meal in mind, being directive in our approach.  We might have shopped wearing our instinct, our intuition, open to what is freshest at the market.  Regardless, we have these fine resources.  I take them out and admire them once again.  I resensitize myself to their vibration, their hardiness or delicacy, their beauty.  I consider their relationship and possible combinations to each other.  I notice their "voice".  The seasoning they call for, even the way they'd liked to be cut, chopped and treated.  In my regard for them, these gifts I and others are about to receive, there is a hope to honor them and those that provided them.  But this is not a heavy honor, if anything it is a playful one.  I want to find ease, and relaxation, again my curiosity and most of all I want to have some fun.  Braise, broil, steam, bake, poach, reduce, wine or no whine?  The possibilities.  How to know what actions and in actions are needed.

Because you shopped locally and picked things with glory and vibration-- you probably picked seasonal.  And the season calls you to respond.  Spring is light and lightly aromatic.  Summer calls for bare-naked naturalness, a coolness even rawness.  Fall is deep, earthy, heavier more sustaining.  Winter is warm, daringly aromatic, rooted.

Tamar Adler's An Everlasting Meal: Cooking with Economy and Grace has been a life changing book for me.  Life changing in the way I consider food and cooking.  One of her premises I work with all the time is the connection one meal has to the next.  The thick residue from the bottom of the pot of beans one cooked is the beginning of tomorrow's soup.  The "ends" of vegetables not used in preparation for dinner, are again, the beginning of tomorrow's soup stock.  Everything is connected, useful.  I've taken that one step further in asking myself, how are my components related?  How do I bring a thread of what is part of one component to the next, relate them, bring an overall harmony to the entirety of a meal.  The slice of lemon in water served at a meal might be echoed in a sliver or two of it's rind perched almost

imperceptibly on a piece of herb and wine-poached fish.  The basil in the herbed fish might be suggested in the spearmint (same family--Lamiaceae-- as basil) that is lightly confettied over the fresh fruit for dessert.  A lamb stew with fresh sprigs of rosemary has an almost subliminal echo in the water boiled for the accompanying rice or potatoes which you threw the stripped branches of rosemary into (to remove at the end of the cooking).  It's a hint, a light almost subconscious impression of the relationship from one component to the next. There is an endless way to carry the thread in a meal.  Staying close to curiosity and "the player" in oneself is helpful in determining the manifestation's gesture.

Another consideration is suggested by Ayurveda, an (eastern) Indian health approach.  Our tongue and palate is comprised of sensory taste receptors: sweet, salty, sour, savory (umami) and bitter.  Ayurveda cooking looks to satisfy all of these taste receptors in a meal.  So, when I cook, I try to consider that the entire meal has a balance of these five taste sensations.  Balance not being 20% of each flavor making 100% of the meal, but balance being in relation to the whole.  Hence, the development of one's culinary "palate" is inevitable.  This opens my field quite a bit.  Sweetness doesn't always have to be in dessert, but perhaps a condiment to go with the protein.  Perhaps dessert is the protein; a combination of nut-based crust and dairy filling, preceded by a thin soup and light salad; a sublimely hearty end of a meal .  Experimenting with turning the predictable on its head is, dare I say, a heady notion.

Culinary pleasure and digestion begins in our senses, especially the visual.  Hence, why care in presentation is necessary.  The gustatory sense is stopped if food is presented wrapped in greasy paper or unspecific boxes.  Considerations with the visual in mind are color, shape, size and texture.  In the plant world there are arguably 7 colors as far as palette goes (that arbitrary number is challenged as there are at least 5 variations of green alone in the edible plant world).  I try to have at least 5 colors in a meal, (for nutritional composition and visual compliment) but I always aim for 7.  I consider the "heart" of my meal and move from there.

The heart is often the protein.  My rebel self often balks at this seeming undeniable culinary truth.  I play with this notion.  And sometimes I lose.  But at least I play and I always learn.  I resist the cultural habit that meat be at every meal, be at one meal a day, one meal a week (depending on your cultural influences).  I play with the notion that meat can be treated more like a condiment, an aside, a small potent presence to the mighty diverse selection of the incredible vegetable or homey complex carb.  Sometimes it works just so and other times the heart of a meal just can't be the vegetable combination you've put together.  It's live and learn.  A very complex and hearty slaw with roasted nuts or seeds can be very central and sustaining, especially if a chewy/crusty bread and cheese accompany.  Try and succeed, try and fail, it's all great because your interest, intention and attention are active.  There are no bad meals if that is engaged during the preparation.

photo credit: Lalu Danzker

The consideration of shape, size and texture is important, but often enough not considered.  I was looking forward to trying Ethiopian food out on the town with some friends, but found that each of us were served varying flavored legume purees.  The flavors couldn't trump the solitary texture, and the bread served, although somewhat interesting (made from an ancient African grain) was not in good relationship to the pureed food, being kind of stretchy and gray.  Purees can be used to wonderful effect; they can compliment in color and texture. A light green pea puree under a delicate white fish has contrasting textures and complimentary colors.  A white parsnip puree or bright orange carrot puree is a delightful foil for a rich, darkly glazed beef or lamb.  To have something straightforward and simple accompanied by something complex in flavor is a marriage of balance.  A group of minimally touched green beans is a whole component that supports a garlic/potato mash and multi-colored/complicated stew.  Everything about it grounds the meal:  the deep green color, its untouched wholeness, its promise of lightness and simplicity, even its possible reference to a season just ended or about to begin.  It might not be the "hero" on the plate, but it makes the hero look good by its otherness.

Following the Rules: Embodying Ourselves and the Practice

The embodying of an art form, practice or ourselves, means a two-fold process:  learning the "rules" well, living them so they are a natural reference point, and then letting go of the rule's structure.  Only then is there a deep confidence in one's "Way" and a freedom in that Way. Only then do we become ourselves, or form art or live a practice.

I am not particularly a lover of rules.  In fact for me, it has always been a secret pleasure to bend and/or go against them.  Rules often impinge upon "individuality", a self's impulse.  They are often restrictive, even stifling.  But as in all things, there is a season, a time for everything.  So there is a time to understand and live the rules (without them absconding who You may Be).  To blindly identify and attach to rules, whether they be a religious or spiritual practice or a craft/art, is to live bound.  There comes a time when stepping beyond the structure of rules is necessary to grow oneself and one's practice up.

I am a 'personal witness' for someone in a large group Authentic Movement (AM) session.  I move first and find myself doing a lot of strong, grounding movements with my arms, legs, body.  It's as if I am filling myself with strength and courage.  I move out and my mover moves in.  I am 15 feet away from her and have the impression I should be closer.  This would be breaking the group agreement (rule) of returning to the same place for witnessing all the time, established at the beginning of the group session.  I stay where I am, but keep feeling the tug to move closer.  I finally move the 10 feet I need to be closer to her.  I "sprout" my arms, moving them into a large embrace of the space to identify my new spot to the other witnesses. They sprout their arms as well, acknowledging the change. The container feels intact.

Despite my deep love and appreciation of Authentic Movement practice, I almost always have an inner eye roll when the form's guidelines get raised in a new group.  They are practical and almost entirely safety based; why take the trouble to bring them up, we all know them.

Well, we don't all know them in the same way. It is an assumption to think otherwise. Much like social etiquette in different families, regions and countries, the rules, customs and the understanding of AM rules can be different.  It becomes necessary when crossing boundaries and terrain to keep clear the very simple guidelines.  The reminder of them actually sets an intention for safety.  Safety is imperative in an AM setting; the depth of our work has the possibility of surfacing and showing us our otherwise submerged material.  Without safety, our protection and survival mechanisms are always in play, in at least an oblique defense, making it impossible for the more subtle expressions to reveal themselves.


As I witness my mover, I remain standing, this being somewhat irregular in the form.  The mover's process is intense and the witnessing requires a significant renewal of self-grounding on my part.  I find myself moving slightly (maintaining stillness is a norm in the practice) to what I witness.  This standing and moving is necessary for me to stay present and unattached.  I have an impression of myself being a samurai; knees are bent, feet wide apart, arms bent in front of me as if protecting my dantian, my torso, my 'home'.

Embody:  to give a concrete form to; express, personify, or exemplify in concrete form: (to embody an idea in an allegorical painting.); to provide with a body; incarnate; make corporeal: (to embody a spirit);  to collect into or include in a body; organize;incorporate; to embrace or comprise.  Merriam-Webster Dictionary

What does it mean to embody something?  M-W Dictionary says it in a cerebral way above.  Embodiment is quite the opposite of cerebral.  Embodiment is a full integration of parts; parts of an understanding we hold in varied aspects of ourselves.  Embodiment is to fully live or express something complete.  To be embodied is to be ourselves as we are meant to be in that moment.  To be a complete expression in movement, verbalization,  or visualization.  For anything to be embodied is for it to be perfectly Whole, to be exactly as it is meant to be.  This usually doesn't look or sound like what we  imagine the expression to be.  And yet, it rings absolutely true when it is expressed.  Embodiment can not be forced or created. It creates itself.  It's the timely accumulation in experiencing the suffering and joy of our material over our continuum, and the benefit of having lived the rules.

My witnessed mover has moved out of the moving space and is now witnessing.  I enter the space as a mover, running, skipping, jumping lightly, releasing any held tense material.  I circle and bend and turn and feel absolute lightness and joy.  My face feels open and ecstatic.  I become aware of another who has entered the circle.  She is following me;  it actually feels like I am being stalked.  I feel she wants a part of me.  It comes to me that this needs to be confronted.  I stop circling and stand in my samurai pose.  I am surprised at how relaxed and unafraid I feel.  The other mover doesn't hesitate to move into my body and attach.  The primary guidelines for contact in AM-- to move slowly, wait for cues that mutual engagement is desired by all parties, has not been maintained.  My samurai arms move swiftly up disengaging the mover.  I feel angry at the violation. 

I later describe this experience in the circle.  The other mover reacts and starts to justify her actions.  Before she starts to speak, I want to ask her to take three breaths before speaking so as to enter herself, the cell memory of her experience.  But I am too slow and also, this would be irregular to do this.  She is defensive, reactive, not clear in her verbalization.  She forgets or doesn't know the AM guideline to attempt to be in oneself (one's embodiment?) while talking about a movement experience, as she was in the actual movement.  She forgets or doesn't know that witnessing response to a mover is always in service to the mover not themselves as witness.  When this (difficult) effort is made, the verbalization becomes an extension of the movement experience instead of outside the movement experience.

The concepts of following the rules and being embodied seem antithetical on the surface.  But they are related, part of the same process.  We have our attitudes about words, like "rules" and "embodiment".  When these attitudes relax into an open inquiry, a word and its previously assumed meaning becomes an unknown.  It isn't attached to the attitude any longer.  I can have a different, fresh experience of it.

Not living the simple guidelines/rules of AM practice agreed upon by a group of movers/witnesses, can have dire consequences; even in 'mature' and seasoned groups.  When the rules are relaxed in groups where the trust level is high amongst the members, a certain vigilance and integrity also relaxes.  Sometimes it results in a further spaciousness, an expansion of possibility.  Sometimes it leads to a 'no one being home' situation, and a drop in meta support of its members and the container's safety.  In groups that don't have a seasoned foundation, people get stepped on, bumped into, (not usually serious) injuries can ensue, as well as the obvious psychological repercussions of not being seen, felt or respected through "accident".  Unwanted contact can feel like a violation.  Unwanted, unembodied verbal witnessing in a circle cheapens the mover's experience and can feel like a violation.  Rules in the form are not arbitrary, but provide safety in a circle of movers, seasoned or not.

No matter how mature one is in a practice or art form, returning to and letting go of the rule's of the form is necessary. As one becomes more seasoned, they are a light reference point touched upon and released.  As in all rules maintained in society and elsewhere, one doesn't have to think of them, they are well established in our interior.  When this is mature in us, embodiment of a material and of ourselves is possible, in large part to the safety of the rules we have integrated over time and practice.  How do I know where I am in this way?  Our self-awareness becomes more refined with practice.  I begin to see the natural adherence and letting go of the guidelines and the oblique repercussions.  This is my maturity, my seasonedness.  This is how I know where I am in the practice.

Courage, Confidence and Wellness

We spend a lifetime searching for balance.  We learn about a new piece of dietary information; we try it out.  Science comes up with new info about our body's function; we consider this, perhaps, by modifying our behavior.  We accumulate information and try to verify an approach to our own wellness through the decades.  And if we're lucky,  something settles in us that isn't so reactive.  It's hoped for—that we become discerning in our responses to new information, not jumping from one new fangled idea or another in a quest to be healthier.  This would go for a spiritual growing up as well.  In all of this, what is the difference between adapting and adopting?

Courage and a Self Confidence is required. Through our continuum, there is a time to follow and "obey".  There is also a time to find the courage not to look toward outward "authority",  but believe enough in what one has experienced, gathered information-wise and trust in one's own maturation process.  Or, maybe it's about following the intuitive messages even though all that outward advice makes sense.  A reliable practice of self-awareness will sort the false impulse from the true impulse.  It is a growing up of sorts;  a confidence in one's own perceptions, knowledge/understanding base and the experience of having navigated dark corners before.  It's a trust in speaking up, being adversarial when necessary, being close to one's own truth.  This doesn't negate being open to other information or an other.  It just means owning one's own grounded material in what Is.

This sometimes means finding one's own language within the known culture, whether it be in spiritual practice or wellness lingo.  Human nature makes us prone to being static in our approach, clinging to what has been known, whether it be language, way of understanding, an approach to a spiritual or wellness practice, or dietary and movement habits.  Because everything is changing all the time, being light "on our feet" is necessary.  A regular practice of entering into unknown territory, making efforts that are not familiar, or may be somewhat uncomfortable and foreign.  Becoming familiar with how—and where—I recede and retreat into habits that aren't useful is part of the self awareness practice.  If one has relied primarily on external authority to direct one's efforts in the past, claiming a semblance of one's own "master" is initially a rocky road.  It's sort of like being 20 years old again, finding your young adult legs under yourself, making first time life decisions, leaning into resistance and not capitulating.  It's possible to boldly strike out, to find the courage to be enough where you are, recognize your needs, and make a demand of yourself or of others to meet those needs.

It is true there is an "action" component to all this.  But mostly, it's sublimely internal. The action has turned inward, hence, doesn't have to be externally manifested to the extent it has been in previous decades.  Stepping up to (the responsibility of) oneself minimizes confusion.  Confidence is confidence, not arrogance.  Courage is courage, not being cavalier.  It's clear.  Understanding and living these differences makes us our own leader, mentor, guru.  And if we somehow find we have trickled our way into arrogance or have become cavalier, that's ok.  Because we have, at our foundation, taken responsibility and owned what is.  So we own that, and we mindfully work with that manifestation.  It's a beautiful thing. No longer are we afraid of being—or experiencing ourselves—as arrogant.  We are more afraid of not seeing what is.  We are more afraid of being static and internally atrophied.  Scary personality portraits of old are now interesting, beguiling, surprising and refresh our perspective.

"To thine own self be true." Hamlet, Wm Shakespeare

“And you will know the truth, and that truth will set you free.”  John 8:32

Preparing for Surgery

Surgery is on your (or loved one) horizon.  How to prepare?

Because we are complex, whole people, this is a layered question.  There is the practical outer aspects of preparing and there is the internal aspect (in my mind, also practical).  Whereas every surgery is unique and every person approaching it is unique, there are some universal commonalities.

Anxiety.  Everyone has some degree of anxiety.  Anxiety is promoted by tension, which usually turns to fear which unfolds into streams of negativity.  Finding ways to manage one's anxiety and negativity/fear is key.  Manage is the operating word, because it is only human to have intrepidation moving into the unknown of what will be.  Practically, information gather with gusto.  Find out everything you can about your condition, the nuts and bolts of your surgery including expected anesthesia, the rehabilitation anticipated and the process.  Because of the ACA (Affordable Care Act), it is mandatory for doctors, hospitals and their staff to fully educate their patients on their medical conditions.  There are negative consequences for MDs that don't do this, that don't follow up, or monitor their patient's aftermath from hospitalization (they won't get paid for re-admissions and are accountable to some extent for hospital acquired infections).  Be pro-active, be interested, curious and knowledgeable.  Knowledge is power.  A knowledgeable patient is empowered and that puts you in a strong place entering a vulnerable situation.  With your best inquiring self in place, ask a lot of questions. Keep asking them until you are fully satisfied.  Ignore the huffy healthcare person that is rebuffed or contemptuous of these questions.  Questions help build relationship with healthcare people.  It does not empower or become you to be passive.  If this is difficult for you not to do, good.  It's a challenge to your personal status quo, one you should have challenged a long time ago.  Still, it would be helpful to have an advocate (loved one, family, friend, wellness coach) to saddle up to you through this fact finding mission.  Keep a journal or log of doctor visits, information gathered, thoughts, feelings, experiences with healthcare people.  Practitioners that are deleterious, note and figure how to remedy.  A certain nurse you sense is disinterested, cuts you off, is impatient?  Get another one.  You can ask for this and you can say why.  You want to situate yourself in the best possible position mentally and physically as you can.  So write everything down, chronicle your journey (the good and the bad) and make sure you feel strongly you are in the best  possible place in yourself and in the best of hands walking into your surgery.  Trusting you are optimally positioned before this event means a much better outcome for you.  Having a lack of trust or relationship with your healthcare providers undermines you deeply and this effects your outcomes and healing.

In this anticipatory process the anxiety will get in the way.  You will keep grasping at providers for handholding, your fears will trip you up.  Whereas, its great to gather information, it will not totally alleviate your anxiety.  You must start taking some steps to support your well being.  If  you don't meditate, figuring out what this is for yourself, giving yourself some alone, quiet time every day where there is stillness and breath.  Read up on affirmations.  There are tons of books out there that lead us into a more positive frame of mind through affirmations.  Some are "hokeyer" than others.  You can only skim through potential titles and content to get a feel of what is right for you.  With practice, you start making your own, framing them in your own lingo that feels best for you.  Start some rituals you do everyday.  Five minutes of creative time every day:  write a poem, keep a small book of sketches or quick water colors. A night time ritual of putting yourself to bed; bathing, lotioning, use essential oils, brush your hair, set the "stage" of your bed:  fresh flowers, a candle, meditation tapes.  These are ways we love ourselves, care for ourselves.  Self touch with intention is healing.  You want to kick in the parasympathetic nervous system, the relaxation response, regularly and potently.  The body's cellular memory remembers this and when given the chance goes there more and more easily with these ritual reminders.  Breathe.  Smell the roses.  Smell the coffee.  Take a lot of time to be with yourself and your pleasures. If you don't want to depend on loved ones and you have the resources, hire a wellness coach.  They can give you specific, useful exercises to ground you in quiet and wellness.  After they get to know you, they tailor everything to you, so you will receive optimal, useful information on the pragmatic details as well as the non.  They are your hand holders, the go-to people when a melt down is imminent.  Hired for a specific time period before through after surgery, it is money well spent.

If you are not a pragmatic person, you probably love someone who is.  Enlist this person as an advocate.  Weeks before, have them sit down with you and figure out a strategy and plan for the practical details leading up to the surgery, rehabilitation and beyond.  If you are pragmatic, you probably love someone who is as well (there are a lot of us around!).  Two heads are better than one.  Figure it out together.  How are you getting to (and returning from) the hospital, is your set up at home adequate for your return (do you need a hospital bed, bed-side commode, grab bars for shower, etc)? Schedule helpful visitors for the first two weeks, people who make meals and don't mind doing a little light housework, errands, grocery shop, etc.  Schedule upbeat, easy-going, happy-go-lucky folks; people who have a good comedy DVD collection, who aren't going to do your spirit ill.  Schedule people who know when to stay and when to leave and whom you don't have to entertain (or necessarily entertain you).  Not feeling well is a good excuse to start saying "No" to everything that doesn't feel right.  People who love you won't take offense and will probably learn to be a little more sensitive in their approach.  The best of these folk will help you find the humor in all the "no-s" and be able to bring some lightness to the cranky periods.

These are practical preparations.  The mental and emotional preparation are often the most challenging and also the most important.  When this is well done, the practical becomes a piece of cake, as you are thinking and feeling with more clarity.  Fear isn't the modus operandi.  Also, in being more clear, a plan B often naturally surfaces, always a good thing.  We plan for the worst, hope for the best....  The better your frame of mind and spirit are, the quicker you will rebound, recover.  This is science.  Find your joie de vivre, your life force, your wish to live and prosper and bring them to the event.  Those who are rarin' to go do their physical therapy first thing in the morning post surgery, are positive.  This positivity saturates their being and wellness is theirs.  Their recovery times will be faster, their pain will be less, their outcomes optimal.  They have their endocrine system working for them and their good energy only supports the healing process (unlike the negative which absolutely undermines it).

An upbeat attitude, a good relationship  to and use of your breath and certain essential oils go far in dealing with pain.  Laying a strategy for yourself in dealing with it is important.  In the first few days, take the pain meds allowed.  Trying to be a hero by not taking them can set you back.  In pain, the relaxation response is impossible.  You want those feel good hormones cascading to support your healing process.  You will have good days and you will have bad ones.  Just keep moving through them as best you can, ask for the help you deserve.  All will be well.

Back to Basics

It's probably safe to say, everything (earthly) is grounded in foundational basics.  I am reminded of this as winter continues to challenge human basics like, safety, warmth, shelter;  our time is spent maintaining these basics more ardently unlike other times of the year.

Not to simplify, but if you asked most professionals what is the most important thing about being an expert in their field, many of them would say it is their grasp of the basics in their specific area.  Yes, it is true, professionals have spent numerous creative years evolving their basic knowledge, but it is all grounded in basic understanding.  A basketball coach returns to basics as she increases the skill of her charges, a chess master has the form of the game to return to as he hones his strategy, a farmer knows it is the dirt that matters.  Plants need water and sun, but if the dirt plants grow in isn't renewed and nourished, the plants don't thrive.  Attention to the plants is natural, but attention to how the dirt is fairing is basic to the health of the plant.

And so it is with us.  We are human.  We are supposed to be in flow as pointed out in our several circulation systems (blood, lymph, respiration, cerebral spinal fluids).  Winter or not, flow we must be.  So, getting back to basics for us would be asking questions that we may have gotten distanced from due to weather or lack of sunlight.

Am I hydrated adequately?  Because sweat is not the most obvious occurrence in cold weather, we tend to drink less water in the winter, losing track of fluid intake.  Adequate hydration keeps the various virus' and viral bacteria on the move.  Flushing the system keeps us in flow.

Am I moving enough?  Movement in inertia-prone cold weather, keeps the immune-promoting lymph circulating. It also primes and helps to balance our hormone-producing organs.  It tweaks our pancreas, pineal gland and thyroid.  This is basic for wellness.  Movement supports our winter-waning qi and prana.  Our winter-subdued respirations are woken up and start to flow, activating all the other circulation processes.

What is the quality of my rest?  This probably hinges on one's activity level.  Rest for most 21st century occupants is tied to electronic media or technology.  Gone is the ritual of putting one's feet up in front of a fire and relaxing with a good book.  So, how is your rest?  Do the little-vigilances that we all participate in, let down?  Are they shook up a little bit everyday with deep laughter?  Laughter?  Remember that carefree, releasing action?  Yet another aspect of rest is engaging with spirit.


And finally we come to another basic: nutrition.  Ah, nutrition in winter.... what exactly is that?  The greens available are so uninspiring.  The body craves carbs.  Ugh. Maybe nutrition in winter is about following from the inside out.  What calls me after having tired of endless soups, broths and teas?  Fleshy, golden squash?  Fresh herbs, fragrant and deep in color?  protein-rich mushrooms with their particular dense vibration? an herby-wine poached white fish locally caught?  Potato-garlic mash?  I spend a lot of time being still in the produce section of stores. (I spent about 10 minutes with a bunch of foot long chives the other day, admiring their plump juicy heads, imagining them in a stir fry, or thrown in at the last minute in a fish stew.)  Looking. Watching. Opening.  This is required in winter, unlike the abundant seasons of spring, summer and fall, when the produce is grabbing you with their energy as you try to pass them.  Produce just isn't that spunky in winter.  It travels long distances, and is usually displaced from its normally exotic home.  It's jet-truck lagged?  Been on ice too long?  Sometimes a long opening wait in front of greens is required before you can hear the call.

The qi manifests in glowing embers rather than burning fires.  Ambitions and ego are subdued.  It's a slow time.  Back to basics.

Authentic Movement: Flying Solo

"When the movement was simple and inevitable, not to be changed no matter how limited or partial, it became what I called 'authentic' – it could be recognized as genuine, belonging to that person." 

-- Mary Whitehouse

Authentic Movement (AM) is a practice that has been used for over half a century to express the creative impulse, unwind the subliminal, subconscious material below ones external layers, and to inform.  AM as a practice is valuable because it is seated in sincerity.  This is possible because one has taken the risk of sensitizing and grounding the body enough for the (often hidden) authentic to surface. One's being senses an openness, a more whole and deeper listening quality; Self-trust ensues. These conditions allow for sincerity, authenticity to make its way to the surface of ourselves, a willingness to be exposed.

"The movement becomes 'authentic' when the individual is able to allow their intuitive impulses to freely express themselves without intellectual directive, as opposed to movement initiated by conscious decision making – a distinction which may appear clear, but practically a challenge. Individuals simply pay attention to what they feel at a sensory level, since "the core of the movement experience is the sensation of moving and being moved."*

With over twenty-five years of doing the practice, at present, there are two aspects of AM that are deeply intriguing to me.  1: This idea of using the form in relation to an intention, allowing the organism to be "informed" by a greater, more sensitized intelligence (a distinct probability in the AM form), and 2: the possibility of doing AM solo.

"In the Authentic Movement aspect of Whitehouse's approach, the moving participants (movers) are passively observed by a witness, who 'contains' the experience of the mover by witnessing their movements without judgement, projection or interpretation. In this way the witness is also an active participant, as witnessing is a practice in observing one's own sensations and impulses while observing the mover's. It's important to note that Whitehouse created many individual, dyadic and group experiences to create a context for moving from inner sensation and whole-body experience." *

In relation to #1 above, traditionally AM is not practiced with an intention looking for information or answers.  An intention in some ways is counter to the idea of being open to what is and most probably prone to "intellectual directive."  Traditionally or not, intention or not, material surfaces during an AM session which often clarifies.  When one is "ripe", internally holding something, these are "low hanging fruit" conditions; AM often brings it to the surface for plucking, like it or not.  I have explored using the form in relation to unfinished dreams in this way, very successfully.

In relation to #2, the traditional form of AM always includes the basic role of witness and mover.  But as Whitehead says in the above quotes,  it is truly a dual action.  In the AM process, mover becomes witness and witness becomes her own mover (through her sensations of what is seen, energetically received and her own impulses).  If one is practiced at holding this dual space for oneself and another, has routinely a strong inner witness while moving, then experiencing the form solo might be very rich.

So, with the threat of breaking the rules of this beloved form, I set out to make an experiment.  I have an intention to understand something I've been ruminating about as of late and want to use AM to shed some light.  At the moment, I don't have the benefit of others to support me as witnesses.  I wish to try this premise of setting an intention and buoying up my own inner witness to do the holding-the-container job, simultaneously.

My impromptu moving space is private; an unused tennis court in the middle of the woods.  With a tip of my hat to the external witness role, I place my water bottle on a bench as a witness figurehead and find my place in the space in relation to it.  What ensues is a sublime experience of moving in and out, an experience of levels going deeper and moving closer to the surface and then back again. Left hand perpendicular to the ground moves in circles, smoothing the way.  Right hand/arm gently opening, closing, a love energy moving toward my heart, a gathering.  I experience an "intellectual directive" in myself.  Move forward!  Move forward!  Why are you only going side to side?! Move forward! or "Ugh oh. I'm moving in circles, oh dear, please don't let me move in circles!"  She walks with the one that isn't interested in directive, but needing to respond from a deeper impulse. I will move as I move.  Everything in its own time. There is a parlay, an exchange, a finding one's place in that. An acknowledged relationship between them exists.  Even the external environment becomes part of the process, not to be excluded nor seen as a happenstance, but an integral part of the whole. Rotating my torso, my eye catches a cloud of mosquitoes ready to land on me.  I start swatting at them and become momentarily disengaged from my depth.  Yes! Distractions are forever at the ready! I laugh.  Off balance, awkward, ungainly movements... all the tripping that is necessary before a transformation.

Everyone that comes to Authentic Movement should have that incredible experience of being held, seen, and witnessed by others.  There is nothing like it.  It makes possible entry into deep (dark) places.  It makes it safe for aspects of the self, often hidden and buried, to resurface and become visible. It builds and supports ones own inner witness.  But with enough practice, is it possible to do both simultaneously, go solo?

This experience on the tennis court was not a "traditional" experience of AM.  But for the place I am in my life, in my practice, this was exactly right.  It is required of me, where I sit in myself at this moment in time, to experience the dualities and how they sing and move together, and even how they transform each other or at least the consciousness around them.  I need the formerly invisible to walk with that intellectual directive, neither one to take charge, but live in a proximity that allows and encourages the other to exist.  

The truth is, I'm not young (relatively).  I'm not a newbie.  I am seasoned.  I am mature.  Another possibility for use of the form is necessary at this time.

A Significant Movement

As the discourse continues as to why we as a nation are burdened with so many tragic homicides and mass murders, I am reminded to come to myself.  I am reminded to feel my feet on the ground, my breath moving through this body, to feel the feelings.  Like everyone else, I too have the desire to "fix" this, to throw a few directives into the mix and watch everything change to a rosier hue.  But with feet planted and my breath not moving so freely, I feel the sorrow of the impossibility of this.  Change is hard.  Too young at the time to remember, I imagine the civil rights activists of the 1960s might have had several similar and sobering pauses.  And even though we technically have more secured legal rights for all, garnered by the hard work of those vigilant activists, we still are plagued with prejudice, hatred, suspicion and separation for those different than us, whether they be of color, religion, political affiliation, age, geographic origins, class, gender, mental/physical wellness or sexual orientation to name but a few.  What hasn't changed is an internal movement, the type of movement that actually is significant.


Violence is born from isolation and attachment; attachment to static belief and isolation from other (experiences).  Isolated and attached, relationship is not possible; there is no room, no breath, no inner flexibility to rely on.  Non-sensical violent actions transpire because most of me is not related.  Not related to myself, not related to my environment, not related to others. I am not watching.  I am not listening.  Or if I am, it's superficial, not from a fuller, more embodied intelligence.  Moving toward this intelligence must become our bottom line, not how much profits can be had (possibly a reason why mental health is not supported by systems: it's not profitable -in immediate dollar terms-, unlike most medical treatment).  Cultural violence, which has been pointed out so tangibly in statistics as of late, has to be taken on. There is no singular magic fix.  It's nature is complex. Personally, we have to own our own violence before the trickle down manifests.  As was mentioned in my Violence: a Cautionary Truth post, violence can be subtle and insidious.  This then, would require a greater ability to sensitize oneself to what is, a willingness not to turn away, a capacity for nonjudgment and acceptance of oneself (and others).

Sort of ridiculous to ask this of a culture at large?  Yes it is.  So, then I ask this of myself.  And then I ask this of myself again.  And I try to remember internal movement is significant.

Sonnet 07 - The face of all the world is changed, I think by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The face of all the world is changed, I think,
Since first I heard the footsteps of thy soul
Move still, oh, still, beside me, as they stole
Betwixt me and the dreadful outer brink
Of obvious death, where I, who thought to sink,
Was caught up into love, and taught the whole
Of life in a new rhythm. The cup of dole
God gave for baptism, I am fain to drink,
And praise its sweetness, Sweet, with thee anear.
The names of country, heaven, are changed away
For where thou art or shalt be, there or here;
And this . . . this lute and song . . . loved yesterday,
(The singing angels know) are only dear
Because thy name moves right in what they say.

Leaning On

There are times when a leaning on is necessary.  No longer able to be a free standing part (at least temporarily), a wall, another becomes mandatory to rest upon.  It's a relief, if not an unfamiliar self-reckoning.  We take comfort in something/ someone taking the weight.  The image to the left here is a wonderful example of a spiraling reliance.  Very separate (yet related), distinct components bearing the weight of the whole. Everything is in balance, everything dependent on everything else to create a whole. Without the cooperative parts, the balance, the miracle of its wholeness would be lost.

And so it is now, as many of us soften into the darkness of the short days, relinquishing the more sentinel vertical we prop ourselves up at other times of the year. We lean on a fire at the hearth, music of the season, cultural ritual, even the warmth from a winter coat.  This time of year calls us back, asks us to return to that which is more still.  Interestingly, the hoopla and frenetic energy seems to go arm in arm with the quiet beckoning.  Contrasts.  Paradoxes.

" All truths wait in all things."-- Walt Whitman

In our confusion and tension over these paradoxes and the grief of losses, current and past, the stillness appears to be the thing we lean on.  Mercy. The words of others appear as solace.  That which is burdened, wounded, in sorrow rests.  Poetry surfaces.  Art becomes a salve to the spirit.  Wisdom and courage are found in unlikely forums:  a child's observation, a store clerk's calm and benevolent smile, the poignant wit of an elder.  Breath re-enters, becomes more spacious having lost some tension.  Fear and intrepidation take a break.

"Morally, spiritually, we are fettered.  What have we achieved in mowing down mountain ranges, harnessing the energy of mighty rivers, or moving whole populations about like chess pieces, if we ourselves remain the same restless, miserable, frustrated creatures we were before?  To call such activity progress is utter delusion.  We may succeed in altering the face of the earth until it is unrecognizable even to the Creator, but if we are unaffected wherein lies the meaning?  Meaningful acts require no stir.  When things are going to rack and ruin the most purposeful act may be to sit still."-- Arthur Miller

Leaning On.  A respite.  Meaningful acts require no stir.

Violence: a Cautionary Truth

“The Roots of Violence: Wealth without work, Pleasure without conscience, Knowledge without character, Commerce without morality, Science without humanity, Worship without sacrifice, Politics without principles." 
― Mahatma Gandhi 

Violence begets violence.  The peacemakers through the ages knew this.  People like you and me when exposed to brutality, senseless or purposeful-- we become changed.  Things we never could dream of feeling or doing, a depth of hatred unimaginable materializes.  A violated being is capable of the darkest manifestations.  Violence happens out of a skewed sense of justice, moral authority, unchecked righteousness and rage.  The expressions range from biting language to imposed or orchestrated poverty to crusades to holocausts.

And we are surrounded, nay bombarded with one type of violence or another almost continuously, from birth to death.  Babies are "righted" in position and inclination, made to meet expectations in their feeding and sleeping habits, children are bullied and made to tow the education line frequently, hazing in college, premeditated cultural expectations on lifestyle choices for adults, neglect often is the elderly experience and various forms of abuse are endured through all continuums. Those in the military, in the middle or on the fringes of military conflict, are exposed at the very least to an inhuman rigid structure that can violate the "call and response" mechanism normal in the central nervous system.  Ordinary we each have our daily doses, imbibed through negative media, environmental noise, traffic or toxic stimulation; or at least, that's how this sensitive organism takes it in.  One of the responses to brutality is to turn it inward.  Whereas harming others may not be an option in a moment, often we swallow or self inflict a strike on ourselves.  We partake in obsession, addictions, worry, depression, have our own personal accidents and various levels of anxiety.  Stress is rarely noted in terms of self-violence, but our failure to check stress often determines the personal level of suffering experienced.

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." -- Isaac Asimov

We can become mired in these indulgences rather easily.  Closed throat chakras ban all truths from being spoken.  The body is brilliant at shutting down, becoming numb, deadening the truth of what is.  The psych denies, twists, forgets and minimizes.  All of this, in the name of survival from the brutality being experienced or known.

"Social justice cannot be attained by violence.  Violence kills what it intends to create."  Pope John Paul II

Humans naturally have this propensity; it is the animal in us.  Organic (and otherwise) competition often fosters the alpha qualities recognizable in our brethren, the beast.  Ego and ambition pushes us in that direction.

Violence is a strong word to describe what may seem ordinary to some.  How can it be used in this way?  Because it is ordinary and exists in the very fabric of our individual humanity and collective culture.  Violence is an inattentive force proliferated without awareness on oneself or another. No matter how seemingly benign (ie "righting" a baby to a feeding or bathing position that is comfortable for oneself but not asked for, indicated or required by a newborn being) when done without an intention or greater awareness, violates an others sense of self governance.  This is so common it is rarely recognized as a type of strong arming.  If one was more present at the moment, the recognizable taste of use of power by size, age, economic class or knowledge would be sensed and known as a major factor in the act.

"Violence is not merely killing another.  It is violence when we ue a sharp word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name of God, in the name of society or country.  Violence is much more subtle, much deeper"--Jiddu Krishnamurti

How do we differentiate violence from say, discipline?  Respect of other is always at the base of discipline and fully absent in violence.  Also, there is an integrated intelligence which is responsive and not reactive in discipline.  Energetically, violence is raw and ungrounded, usually unpredictable and ego driven.   Whereas, discipline is a focused and aligned energy that serves as a guide without an agenda.  Domination is an impulse born of fear; it is a basic animal instinct present in one degree or another, always.  The more we bring a larger attention and awareness to our daily actions, the more we will  know ourselves, become more available to our fuller humanity, the less this impulse will be tolerated in oneself, the less weight of myself violence will usurp. And we need this greater attention and awareness, because as Krishnamurti says above, the inner tyranny of violence can be quite subtle and it goes deep.

"In violence, we forget who we are." -- Mary McCarthy

A Dosha for Now

Photo:  Ernst Haas

Sometimes we find ourselves without an anchor, actively flailing, trying to find a semblance of purpose, clarity, a sense of groundedness.  All the prayer, meditation and seeking of a stillness doesn't help the confusion and discord one is living.  In all of that struggle it is difficult to accept the conditions and uncertainty that is in this Now.  We are a sail, flapping in the wind, our bow and stern unaligned.  The mast no longer the sturdy, unmoving vertical of Me, but the foil for the clanging rig.

Since the usual means that provides clarity and a type of security is unavailable, what is required?  Perhaps the chaos experienced is part of the organic cycle, necessary for an evolution.  Perhaps patience, tolerance and acceptance is the buried treasure at the bottom of the extreme discomfort. Perhaps it is a lesson to not live dependently on "methods" or ways to bring calm.  Human frailty is our constant companion. It's one moment at a time when one is flapping in the wind.

Is it possible to look toward some ancient ideology for navigation when being grounded is not an option? The three dosha types in Ayurveda are not a come-and-go aspect of the self, but fairly permanent.  The fact is, very few of us are purely single dosha types; we have all elements of each of the three doshas in us, usually one or two of them is most pronounced.  But doshas are universal, so why not take the qualities and work with them where we are experiencing ourselves now.

The three dosha types in Ayurveda are:  Vata (air/ether), Pitta (fire/water) and Kapha (earth/water).  As in Chinese medicine, Ayurveda has a complex and layered ideology which impacts every aspect of life. In terms of looking at where we find ourselves in a moment, when there is a lack of groundedness present, we often are experiencing "air" quality.  In Ayurveda, Vata dosha is represented by the qualities of air and/or ether.  Like vapor, this quality is manifested one moment and gone the next.  Mystery, creativity (turning illusions), innovation are aspects pronounced with air-types.  One's approach can not be direct, but the magician's ability to turn something into something else becomes a talent.  If the decision is not to resist the lack of groundedness one is feeling, another choice might be to work with the Vata quality moment.  Allow creativity, new ideas, "dream time" to be present and to manifest.  Be sparing with gross, extensive energy output, as that is not the quality of energy available at this moment.  Sensitize oneself to the ephemeral, the subtle, this may be of use before the cycle returns to "earth/grounded" actions.

The earth's power of groundedness may not be available, nor a direct use of force possible.  This "doing" is most often familiar to Kapha types.  In the human energy cycle we are not always earth-bound.  We have other resources at our disposal.  One is reminded of the effective use of martial Tai Chi (using an other's force by allowing, relinquishing one's own force).  Through relaxation and a connection to one's centered dantian, understanding how to use others energetic output and force becomes more available.  As air, one  moves as the wind takes you; a flexibility, acceptance and opening to other unforeseen possibilities exist.

Elementally, water influence is another aspect we may find in ourselves.  It is often the surreal arena.  The place of illusion, non-clarity, distortion of ideas or place are frequently present. Water's effectiveness is in its relentless repetition in wearing a stone (an idea, a resistance) away.  Unabated vigilance is a strong characteristic.  We have been or known in others this quality's effectiveness; an even, steady wave that just keeps repeating over and over and over again.  Not successful the first or fiftieth time?  Just send in another wave or simply another drop.  Eventually, it's impact will be made.

An approach of heightening qualities of an available dosha or element when another is lacking or unavailable can help the movement that might be needed now. Through our timelines, there are times when a fire or heat is required but not available.  Awareness of the need and an understanding how to harness it from our environments or create a like energy source from another aspect of our being is an adaptation to what is.  These innate gifts provide unique qualities.  When one can't be grounded or centered through the power of earth energy, there are other ways of approach which can be effective.




basic information on doshas:

on Doshas - Blue Lotus Ayurveda

Images for Ayurveda dossiers