A Perfect Contentedness

A meal is placed before you.  Its base content is of poor quality and little care has been given to its preparation and presentation.  Or, someone, in their unawareness (or habit), barks some projection at you.  Or, you are a little homesick, feeling a bit like a fish out of water, disconnected from what you think of yourself or your purpose.

This is everyday life: the pleasures and the displeasures that move in and out of our field, momentarily or with more permanence.  We are subject to the lack of awareness of others and ourselves practically at all times. Our sense of ourselves is moment to moment challenged in big and little ways.  The universe somehow has guaranteed we will always have a knee jerk reaction internally or externally and suffer a longing and desire to be different, to be somewhere else.

And then there is perfect contentedness.  Somehow, one finds oneself being in the seat of themselves, in full awareness of the abomination of the meal before them.  Something becomes slow and makes a decision to explore the unpleasant experience of eating it, or not. No need for complaint or to take issue, but an interesting experience of being with what is. Or, after the “bark” is received by the clueless other, a pause transpires and one is able to be in one’s compassion when responding.  Or, one’s identity that is usually so tightly wrapped and fully confirmed, that doesn’t like difference, expands.  One is able to relax and hear the chimes on the porch for the first time today and has some sort of surrender and acceptance of the momentary dis-ease.

Perfect contentedness is not dependent on anything or anyone outside myself, nor the conditions or circumstances at hand.  It is a Being state related to my alignment in myself.  The energetic reception of a jug of water handed to me by a non-aware other will one time leave me feeling uncared-for, unseen and another time will inspire this perfect contentedness.  In that instance, my response becomes an experience of becoming quite slow in myself, able to have access to the sensation of my own organism handling the jug, aware of its' cool condensation and weight, somehow relating to the weight I feel in my torso.  This momentary lack of care by another is replaced by my own care.  And that is perfect.  I am Alive.  For the moment, not being influenced by or joining the sleep-walkers that surround me.  A perfect contentedness.

The Fine Art of Self Soothing

I’ve blogged regularly on the subject of anxiety (Oy Vay: High Anxiety),  the possible reasons for the exponential increase over the last several years of the culture’s anxiety and possible ways to approach it holistically.  Most of what I write about has been in the context of the adult population.  This post mostly concerns children and young adults.

Once upon a time, and long long long ago, generations of parents cultivated in their babies and young children the art of self soothing.  This was a spontaneous and natural response on parent’s parts, probably learned from generations before them, involving bed time rituals to settle their kids: warm, relaxing baths, melodically read bed time stories, oils massaged into their necks and temples and sung lullabies.  It was (subliminally?) considered an unconditional love time when the central nervous system settles down for the night, the mom and child’s breathing rhythms match up and synchronize and a sense of calm, all-is-well-in-the-world takes precedence.  Everybody in the home would dial it back a bit and a sense of safety, oneness and wellbeing was shared.

There is a natural response to the sun setting, darkness moving in, and the universal signal by our circadian rhythm to quiet and sleep.  There are many variations on this.  In a darkened bedroom, a parent sitting with a child listening together to the crickets or bullfrogs outside, something they do in the summer months when the windows are open, the curtain fluttering languidly against the sill.  Sometimes there is a few spare murmurs between them on the mutuality of the share. Night sounds. Sounds that becomes associated with rest, repose and comfort.  Subliminal images and an ambiance that trigger in oneself from an early age that all is well. It just as easily could be the urban sound of cars moving on the street outside, an occasional muffled horn sounding or the magical non-sound of snow falling, collecting on trees or pavement.  There is a sense of safety in the nightly being tucked in in a particular way and the comfort of no light, maybe sounds of family moving in a kitchen, inaudible voices in conversation or other household members making their own sleep preparations.

I think these night-time rituals must still go on to some extent in most households across the world; how could they not, they bring delight and peace to all.  But it is a different world we live in now, and the children are anxious. There is a trend of popping Melatonin for 12 year olds and kids reporting they can’t go to sleep for hours after lying down. The members of today’s nuclear family often each have a bedroom of their own, thus the comforting sounds of a sister or brother in a bunk above snoring lightly aren’t present to a sibling as they find their way to sleep.

It’s a more complicated world, with more tenacious tensions. And somehow, parents (for all the reasons mentioned in my other posts dealing with anxiety) aren’t managing their own tensions well, which obviously osmotically affects their children. Adults perhaps don’t have a sense of their own containment or a value for the sublime and ephemeral markers which produce a perfect repose.  It may be akin to the difference of writing a letter by hand instead of sending an email or singing a song instead of playing it on a CD player, or reading a story aloud instead of hearing it on an electronic device.  Something of great value transpires in the direct human expression that will never be matched otherwise by anything else.  Children energetically require this.  And they are missing it.

So, we have children experiencing adult challenges (like insomnia) and being treated like adults in how it is remedied. Especially babies and children need to learn the fine art of self soothing. And probably direct information is not the best approach (breathing techniques, relaxation exercises, etc).  Accessing their imaginations in a positive way around the ending of a day and the beginning of a night, providing markers and repetitive opportunities to help them identify in their own unique way that which relaxes them would be a tremendous act of charity they will have their entire lives to draw upon. Parents realizing one’s own held tensions, hypervigiliance, lack of trust of the unfolding of the day, of a childhood, of a life is a big start.

For many families, child-rearing has become a very tense, uber-planned, perfection-oriented feat to perform.  When really, it is this natural exploration of being in relationship with someone who has these huge growth and evolutionary leaps over a twenty year period.  Life moves extremely quickly when raising a child, we want to grasp a knowing what to do when we’re stymied.  Understandably.  But this inability to have a spontaneous response and reliance on contrived and strategized approaches can be stifling, especially to an open perception, which is a child. 

I have a sense this is anxiety producing for kids; this lack of trust of the unknown which their parents and other adults around them suffer.  And nothing makes a kid more anxious than (energetically) witnessing a suffering parent.

Addiction

Most of us come into this world with addiction propensities.  Some addictions are more obvious than others (drug/alcohol, food, anger, sugar, smoking, enabling, gambling, work) and others are easier to hide and turn away from (closet substance abuse, drama, sex, chronic financial crisis, pornography, electronics/technology).  It is always destructive, usually on many levels. Addiction is something one accommodates frequently through a day, whether it be partaking, thinking/feeling about it or hiding it.  We play games with our addictions, pushing the pretend-envelope and the edge where it is likely to be revealed to oneself more fully or to others.  All of this takes up a fair amount of time but most of us are well practiced at making it look like it doesn’t.

One of the more difficult aspects of addiction is acknowledgement of the presence of it when the use of a substance or an enabling pattern is altered.  Unless the spirituality aspect of the disease is addressed, addictive behavior takes up residence in one’s attitude, emotional responses or some other behavior that is less noticeable, but still considerably insidious.  Whereas the street derelict wears his addictions on his sleeve, it is much harder to acknowledge the problem for the addict who is able to outwardly function (work).

May blessings abound on the Alcohol Anonymous (AA) programs. Besides helping hundreds of thousands of people for over 50 years with their addiction struggles, they have identified most rightly that an addiction is not a solo problem but part of a larger group dynamic and also that it is a spiritual disease.

People turn to substances or deleterious repetitive behaviors to relieve their unbearable sense of lack of spirit, to fill the hole hollowed out by grief, pain and self-hatred.  In addition, it can be a karmic or generational cultural transference (ie: Celtic, Nordic and Russian predilection for alcoholism), effecting our DNA and our children’s DNA.  Addiction is insidious and in the worse cases, wreaks absolute havoc with an assured ripple effect.  Modern culture at large encourages addiction, especially patterns that have to do with consumerism.  One’s well being is undeniably in one’s own hands and the ability to be aware and resist that which doesn’t bode well for one’s welfare is necessary.

As a nurse, to take care of an addict strikes dread in my heart like no other disease.  Those addicted are often manipulative, belligerent, their denial deeply entrenched and therefore, practically impossible to make relationship with or to provide meaningful help.  When working with this type of patient, one’s boundaries have to be almost rigidly in place and one has to be totally on one’s game.  And it is extremely wearing; their unrelenting dysfunction tugs at one's own sense of health and equilibrium. Most professional efforts at impacting a positive outcome, being effective and providing any type of healing is either negligible or a crap shoot.  I couldn’t begin to count the hours I, as one of dozens of other hospital staff persons on a detox team, have dealt with an addict, helping them detox just to discharge them with the certainty they’d be back within a month to repeat the entire hellish process again.  Proof that getting clean with all its difficulties is a piece of cake compared to staying clean.

How can we heal from our addictions?  The AA programs spell out the steps with absolute clarity.  It begins with bringing awareness and admitting that I am not in control in relationship to the substance or behavior.  AA’s precepts, in the broadest of terms, seek to help people build a foundation to finding a sense of their spirit(uality), introducing ways to experience honesty, acceptance, forgiveness, serenity and courage;  qualities that are often denied and sorely missing in an addicted person’s inner resource pool.

Addiction healing, like most healing, is a life long process, because addiction is a chronic disease.  Living a life (as opposed to avoiding it) is a preparation for the next step and then the step beyond.  What we are ready for now is something we were not ready for two years ago.  Addiction healing is incremental, in its own time and is absolutely tenuous and fragile. And if the end of a life comes sooner than a “complete” healing is possible (whatever that is), grace sometimes makes it apparent that the struggle and the working of the “pieces” was what mattered.  Hopefully.

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Alcoholics Anonymous :   

Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups 

 

The Quan Yin of essential oils: Lavender

Quan Yin is a “saint” for both Taoists and Buddhists alike (how many entities do we know that cross the great religion divide?).  She is known for her deeply empathic declaration, refusing to become immortal until all suffering in the world was alleviated, but would live on showing mercy to all.  And she does.  In China she is evident in the softness of the mountains, and the very air and earth.  Quan Yin is the quintessential icon for care and mercy.  Likewise, True Lavender’s (angustifolia Lavandula) essential chemical properties and capacity reflects a type of medicinal mercy.

There are a few other essential oils (eo) I would give a quality label like “mercy” to: Frankincense, Neroli, Angelica Immortelle to name a few.  But True Lavender… well Lavender is a kind of standout.  She is such a diverse and hardworking eo, addressing so many maladies.  She is a wound healer, an infection stopper, a histamine blocker.  She refreshes spirit and fills those flagging neurotransmitters in the brain obliterating migraines and tendencies toward depression.  She promotes relaxation, rest and sleep for the weary.  And she is generous, willing to work in concert with western medicine’s opioids to decrease pain. 

True Lavender is a pretty ordinary species, easy to grow and a well known botanical oil in Europe and the Americas.  Despite her lack of exotic allure, it can be said she is trustworthy, accountable, gentle and sublime.  In my years of practicing clinical aromatherapy, and using Lavender on probably thousands of people, I have never seen an allergy to this eo (or heard of one in my studies).  It is easily my first go-to oil in myriads of situations, alone or in combination.  When used with other oils, she doesn’t fight or overstate her delicate power.  She is pure cooperation and a team player.

It would seem more natural to pair Quan Yin with an Asian eo like Ylang Ylang rather than the very western angustifolia Lavandula.  As lovely as Ylang Ylang is, its power is not gentle nor subtle.  True Lavender like Quan Yin is the essence of femininity, and although not an Asian botanical, somehow creates a harmonious relationship with her parallel entity which calls from half way around the world.  This is not surprising as both of their abilities and purpose is about extending themselves, hero(ine)ically.

The Jester and the Healer

In the history of healing, it has not been an uncommon parallel that connects the healer to the priest(ess) or the healer with the artist or midwife.  Lately, it appears to me there is a direct relationship between the Healer role and the Jester of old.

The tarot depiction of the Fool (jester) includes a person juggling unconcernedly or otherwise distracted, sometimes found in the act of unknowingly walking off the edge of a cliff, precipice or other high place.  The jester is symbolic of common sense and of honesty and is a character used for insight and advice on the part of the monarch. Jesters would have had to have a bevy of “tricks” at their disposal, be able to turn on a dime, change-up the pattern of delivery and be extremely keen on sensing the receptivity to her offerings. Also, the jester would probably enter the court’s arena with a modicum of uncertainty of what would be asked or needed of him from the always new population of others and have a knack for turning upside down general expectation at often great personal risk. The jester’s strategic use of subtle (and not so subtle) humor would be part of their offering and a use of highly developed wiles imperative.  In all of this, the Healer is really no different.

We have our ideas of who we are and what we have to offer, even who is our target market.  But when it comes right down to it, it is always surprising as to what is needed, what is being asked for.  And in that light, often new skills or unknown skills are born.  The healer, like the jester is someone who has a child’s point of view.  They are open, receptive, often having an unlikely approach and is somewhat separate from the dysfunction, illness or pain that is present.  It is this very lack of attachment that makes a healing possible.  Like a child who has no expectations of being of direct help, the healing comes in being able to have a direct perception. And that often, is enough.

Energetic Communication

It is astounding that the reality of energetic communication is largely ignored and down played in one’s daily life.  Although we all are naturally programmed with this incredible gift and sense ability,  we hands-down almost always give it little credence and choose instead to “listen” to words, gleaning information this limited way from our surrounding world.  Language and words are way over-rated in this respect.  It is the momentary impression taken in by our bodies from another’s energetic response/reaction that should inform us.

We have all been there over and over.  In a conversation, something is said and there is a vibrational response from another.  One might be looking at a passive face, but sensing the reaction of judgment, criticism, surprise or acceptance.  Upon meeting someone for the first time, it sometimes is very clear there is a whole history that has been garnered by the handshake that is given.  Possibly it is defended, or awestruck or some other pre-determined response coming through which indicates they have had an earful about you.  We choose to believe the passive face and dutiful handshake; we more often than not choose to minimize or not register the energetic communication around the experience.

We are constantly subjected to energetic communication.  From the obscure to the profound we are subject moment to moment by inanimate and animate energies.  From a tree, an animal, an environment, an object or the collective, we can glean information and impressions with considerable depth just by bringing into a wider more sensitized awareness the vibration coming at us.  A full-sized deer in the middle of the woods is walking toward you, only 20 paces away.  At first one is touched and in awe of the experience, but as the creature gets closer, fear instinctively takes you over.  The deer senses the shift in attitude and bolts.  In China, there are trees that are two to three thousand years old.  They are the remaining post-cultural revolution “wise ones” and are emanating their wisdom constantly.  It’s almost impossible to pass one of these trees and not pause, the magnetism is so strong.  You might not know what you are sensing right off, but you can’t help but feel the power of the tree’s energy.  In past posts, I’ve mentioned domestic animals and their knowing a human’s impulse several beats before the human’s action or the energy of inanimate objects which are not given attention.  All of this is real information.  A shift in how we take in impressions, information and how we communicate might be in order.

Masaru Emoto's ground breaking work studying water molecules in  The Hidden Messages in Water and The Miracle of Water   support this idea there is an energetic influence on our physiology dependent on how we approach living and communication.  Our words, thoughts and intentions impact our cell structure and DNA.  Dr. Emoto spent several years photographing crystals formed in frozen water which revealed changes when specific, concentrated thoughts were directed toward them. When he wrapped them in paper that contained positive messages, such as "Thank you," they formed balanced crystals. When negative messages were sent, photos revealed defective crystals. His theory includes the notion that human consciousness can affect water, and since our bodies are largely composed of water, this would impact our well being and health.

Similarly, there are QiGong energy exercises where two glasses of identical wine are poured and one is given some QiGong energy for a brief period with one’s hand.  The difference in taste is night and day; the untreated wine tastes sour, the QiGong’d wine, pretty good.

As a nurse, I am always impressed at the compounding effect on illness/wellness by the words people say about themselves or their maladies. Even the suppositional declarations made about what they (probably) have contracted and what the outcome will be (almost always negative) weighs on and impacts their physiology.  Expect the worse and you won’t be disappointed seems to be the operating reason.

So, we have all this data and experience about energy, subtle somatic impressions and ways to communicate.  How the body receives information and the power of the mind on our cell structure and health.  And yet, we spend very little time there, choosing to glean information from a much more obtuse and dense sensibility and facility, albeit, culturally acceptable form (words, partial reasoning). How can we cultivate a more astute approach to communication including these stunning facilities we have at our disposal?  How do we learn to respect and hopefully cultivate this in-depth gift?  A sensitization to our subtle-bodies and an acknowledgement of the highly tuned self that is available is needed.  Perhaps, an experience of this aspect of ourselves is necessary.  Is this somewhat invisible phenomenon compelling enough to investigate? How can I prime this awareness?

Forgiveness

We are little micro-cosmos of both the gross human condition and the gross human potential.  All the greed and avarice we see, read about, culturally suffer--- it is all part of the daily individual human experience playing out on a larger scale.  One can rail at this injustice or that transgression and feel powerless to impact these gargantuan and harmful world dysfunctions, but we actually can impact these wrongs directly (because we are related to it).  By dealing with our own smallnesses, our prejudices, our individual rancor and judgements, by rectifying, healing and forgiving those who trespass against us (and forgive ourselves for whom we injure) we actually impact the world’s condition. These small triumphs have a vibration that ripple out into the cosmos impacting the larger scheme of things.

What does it mean to “deal” with these unpleasant events, feelings, experiences? 

What is key is three fold:  the recognition and acknowledgement in the moment of the discomfort, pain or upset one is experiencing (remember, Psych 101?), in the body, feelings and energy field at large; done without minimization or justification, but acknowledgement of its palpable vibration.  The more courageous one is bringing awareness to these uncomfortable-unbearable sensations, the better chance one has in living the prism we are.  (Hence, the usefulness of a daily dose of both fun and pain… primes us to our fuller dimensions, for better, for worse.)  Permitting and honoring one’s vulnerability to exist in the moment of transgression (against most instinctual impulses) creates the dimension we are looking for in ourselves and the reality that is. This is a type of suffering one must be willing to undertake.

Second, to recognize the reactivity that is part of, and in relationship to the other with whom we are polarized.  Is there a sense of righteousness holding fast to the pain or hurt, possibly exaggerating it or allowing paranoia to slip in?  A reliable falseness and fear usually  lurks in the reaction and in the moment; this is worth paying some attention.  Attention to this momentary falseness or prejudice often brings the more mature self to the forefront, the one who has an inkling of the way of forgiveness.

And third, to also recognize what is good, the intention that may have gone amok, but initially was well meaning.  The weakness that is a blind spot that causes as much pain to the offender as to the one it impacts. This requires a bigness, a maturity, an understanding, a willingness to give some credence to that sense of falseness that harshly colors the reaction.  We are not static two dimensional figures, but a multi-faceted prism that can readily shift (if we don’t hunker down into the righteousness). 

When these three aspects are in play, a softening is possible and receptivity has an opportunity to move in.  Recognition replaces denial and defense.  Acknowledgement of a positive effort amidst the disaster tempers the discomfort of the carelessness and fragility of the human condition in the moment and replaces blame and offense.  We begin to sense a larger humanity in the other and in ourselves. Perhaps we begin to glimpse ourselves in them.  We are not so separate.  We are not separate at all. A dual polarization going nowhere becomes a delicately nuanced dance of vulnerability and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else, it is something we do for ourselves. Often it is not realized that hurtful words, actions and reactions are more toxic to those whom deliver them, then the receiver it is meant for. If we knew this, experienced this, would we be so inclined to retaliate?  Would we be more interested in resisting that impulse? 

As in most things, we have assumptions and expectations as to what forgiveness looks and sounds like. Forgiveness is an unexpected process that often has little to do with apologetic words and everything to do with a found sincerity. Forgiveness is a full mind/body/spirit experience, a journey one takes, an often surprising and unknown path.  And yes, though words are the least of it, often apologetic words from authenticity can be a salve to the healing.

As it relates to above, following I mention the legend of the Iroquois Nation and how it came into being from the divided, feuding groups of alienated clans to a united confederacy.  It is a story of forgiveness through the power of grief work and condolence.  

In brief, several tribes from the north east and Canada, were constantly warring and ravaging each others people and property. There was little safety and a lot of terror.  The chiefs of the tribes got together and squabbled about what could be done, how could they have peace among themselves when there was so much suspicion, harm and wariness.  They argued among themselves until the oldest chief, who had remained silent, called the group to attention and said, "Until each tribe has grieved what has been done to them and what they have done to others there will never be peace.  If we are to unite and stand strong, this is the first step."  Each tribe went back to their people and imparted this and began the healing process among their own people for a period of time, remembering the harms done to them, the injury they themselves inflicted.  After this time, the chiefs reconvened and the seven nation Iroquois Confederacy was established.  This healing ritual of grief and condolence has been in existence for over 600 years in the Iroquois Nation and continues today.

  

"Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense. " 

                                                                                                                                           -- Robert Frost

QiGong: Imparting a Study

I’ve been teaching QiGong for 15 years studying it for 21 years. One always wants to be better (more “masterful”?) at whatever they do or wherever they put their efforts.  But in QiGong I can honestly say, less has been more.  Not hanging on one’s knowledge (or knowing little to begin with) gives you less of a chance of mucking it up, getting your ego involved.  Being less verbose and more genuinely engaged in the actual practice, makes one a better guide.

I have had many QiGong teachers over the 20 years I've studied the forms.  I can say my first QiGong teacher was the most influential.  An unassuming, unpretentious, delicate woman in her 70's, who learned QiGong at a somewhat advanced age.  She was the daughter of an African missionary, and she herself was a long time spiritual seeker.  Erva was simple and direct in her teaching approach.

 After many years of studying with her, I became frustrated at her seeming unwillingness to verbally share her understanding of the movements, of the form.  I was curious and had an intellectual and experiential wondering about certain QiGong series and a strong sense of some of the movement's benefits, how the sounds impacted various organ systems directly.  I wanted information, but Erva quietly, with penetration insisted on the practice of QiGong.

So I started studying with the "masters", seeking to satisfy my knowledge yen. And these men (they were all men) had tons of information, a lot of speculation, a heaping amount of stylization and more than enough ego embedded in themselves and what they were trying to impart.  I gathered from them what felt worthwhile and I left the rest (a lot of bulk!).  At the end of the day (or the decade I happened to be in), I realized Erva's simplicity, lack of verbosity, and experiential teaching style was the real deal.

It doesn’t really matter what one knows or doesn’t know about QiGong.  It only matters that one does QiGong (as Erva knew).  All the speculation and “knowing” of any of the forms, only enhances it in one’s (wrong?) imagination; it doesn’t really enhance the work, even the deep ancient meaning of the work.  Doing the work is what matters. Letting the forms work on you is what is real.  Work simply, practice with an honest, beginner’s mind approach.  It may be in all learning, the need to acquire “stuff” or knowledge and then the need to let it go and let it Be what it is.

QiGong is so simple and so real.  There is nothing one has to do, just follow the energy.  Give yourself over to the form in relaxation and breath.  When teaching over these many years, I have been tempted (and have more than occasionally) expounded on what this movement is for, what this does, the meaning or purpose of this or that.  And it’s interesting as information goes, but it really doesn’t enrich the work, or potentiate the form.  Erva knew this.  And it took me going away from her and doing my own exploring and experiencing a lot of yang QiGong before realizing it’s all a kind of unnecessary clutter to the beauty of the wild yet sensible garden that is QiGong.