Forgiveness

We are little micro-cosmos of both the gross human condition and the gross human potential.  All the greed and avarice we see, read about, culturally suffer--- it is all part of the daily individual human experience playing out on a larger scale.  One can rail at this injustice or that transgression and feel powerless to impact these gargantuan and harmful world dysfunctions, but we actually can impact these wrongs directly (because we are related to it).  By dealing with our own smallnesses, our prejudices, our individual rancor and judgements, by rectifying, healing and forgiving those who trespass against us (and forgive ourselves for whom we injure) we actually impact the world’s condition. These small triumphs have a vibration that ripple out into the cosmos impacting the larger scheme of things.

What does it mean to “deal” with these unpleasant events, feelings, experiences? 

What is key is three fold:  the recognition and acknowledgement in the moment of the discomfort, pain or upset one is experiencing (remember, Psych 101?), in the body, feelings and energy field at large; done without minimization or justification, but acknowledgement of its palpable vibration.  The more courageous one is bringing awareness to these uncomfortable-unbearable sensations, the better chance one has in living the prism we are.  (Hence, the usefulness of a daily dose of both fun and pain… primes us to our fuller dimensions, for better, for worse.)  Permitting and honoring one’s vulnerability to exist in the moment of transgression (against most instinctual impulses) creates the dimension we are looking for in ourselves and the reality that is. This is a type of suffering one must be willing to undertake.

Second, to recognize the reactivity that is part of, and in relationship to the other with whom we are polarized.  Is there a sense of righteousness holding fast to the pain or hurt, possibly exaggerating it or allowing paranoia to slip in?  A reliable falseness and fear usually  lurks in the reaction and in the moment; this is worth paying some attention.  Attention to this momentary falseness or prejudice often brings the more mature self to the forefront, the one who has an inkling of the way of forgiveness.

And third, to also recognize what is good, the intention that may have gone amok, but initially was well meaning.  The weakness that is a blind spot that causes as much pain to the offender as to the one it impacts. This requires a bigness, a maturity, an understanding, a willingness to give some credence to that sense of falseness that harshly colors the reaction.  We are not static two dimensional figures, but a multi-faceted prism that can readily shift (if we don’t hunker down into the righteousness). 

When these three aspects are in play, a softening is possible and receptivity has an opportunity to move in.  Recognition replaces denial and defense.  Acknowledgement of a positive effort amidst the disaster tempers the discomfort of the carelessness and fragility of the human condition in the moment and replaces blame and offense.  We begin to sense a larger humanity in the other and in ourselves. Perhaps we begin to glimpse ourselves in them.  We are not so separate.  We are not separate at all. A dual polarization going nowhere becomes a delicately nuanced dance of vulnerability and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not something we do for someone else, it is something we do for ourselves. Often it is not realized that hurtful words, actions and reactions are more toxic to those whom deliver them, then the receiver it is meant for. If we knew this, experienced this, would we be so inclined to retaliate?  Would we be more interested in resisting that impulse? 

As in most things, we have assumptions and expectations as to what forgiveness looks and sounds like. Forgiveness is an unexpected process that often has little to do with apologetic words and everything to do with a found sincerity. Forgiveness is a full mind/body/spirit experience, a journey one takes, an often surprising and unknown path.  And yes, though words are the least of it, often apologetic words from authenticity can be a salve to the healing.

As it relates to above, following I mention the legend of the Iroquois Nation and how it came into being from the divided, feuding groups of alienated clans to a united confederacy.  It is a story of forgiveness through the power of grief work and condolence.  

In brief, several tribes from the north east and Canada, were constantly warring and ravaging each others people and property. There was little safety and a lot of terror.  The chiefs of the tribes got together and squabbled about what could be done, how could they have peace among themselves when there was so much suspicion, harm and wariness.  They argued among themselves until the oldest chief, who had remained silent, called the group to attention and said, "Until each tribe has grieved what has been done to them and what they have done to others there will never be peace.  If we are to unite and stand strong, this is the first step."  Each tribe went back to their people and imparted this and began the healing process among their own people for a period of time, remembering the harms done to them, the injury they themselves inflicted.  After this time, the chiefs reconvened and the seven nation Iroquois Confederacy was established.  This healing ritual of grief and condolence has been in existence for over 600 years in the Iroquois Nation and continues today.

  

"Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense. " 

                                                                                                                                           -- Robert Frost