Grief and the Heart's Desire

"Wish" locks on Mt Huashan
In China, when you want something seemingly unattainable, you climb
the nearest mountain with a red tie and a padlock.  Upon arriving,
you pray to the deities for your desire, and lock the tie and padlock on a thick
chain link securing your wish for all time.

I am shadowing some holistic nurses in a hospital and we find ourselves in the ICU doing rounds.  We come upon "Louise" a 78 year old woman who had a heart attack in the morning and looks like she is about to have another one.  She 

is sitting straight up in bed, grey and diaphoretic.  She is on a cardiac monitor and her blood pressure and heart rate are climbing.  She looks in distress, having a hard time breathing.  Two ICU nurses run to get the crash cart and some Ativan to calm her down.  There we are, three holistic nurses staring at this woman about to go down.  I step forward up to the side of the bed and say, "Louise. Who do you love more than anyone in the world?"  She doesn't hesitate and says, "My seven year old granddaughter, Eva."  I say, "Ok. Eva is going to help us get through this.  She's going to help us cool your heart down.  I want you to close your eyes and breathe in through your nose to the count of four and breathe out to the count of six."  I breathe and count with her, and she begins to look less distressed, the blood pressure on the monitor begins to drop to a high normal (the parasympathetic nervous system having kicked in producing the relaxation response). I say, "Louise, with your eyes closed bring Eva's face up close to yours.  See how the light falls on her hair, the twinkle in her eye. How does her breath smell as she comes in for a kiss on your cheek?  How does her laugh sound when she says your name?  Let Eva breathe with us now, a nice cool breath, four counts in, six counts out.  Now as we are breathing, allow her image to slowly drop down around your mid chest, where your heart is and we're just going to breathe there for a bit, you, me and Eva and we are going to cool the heart down." Louise almost appears to be in a trance state.  All this transpires within three minutes. The two ICU nurses have rushed back with their meds and crash cart and stop short when they see her apparently meditating and the monitor reading normal vital signs.  When Louise opens her eyes, we talk about this event.  I ask her what happened.  She told me the story of losing both her husband and son 6 months apart a year ago in the ICU. She's afraid it will happen to her too.  When she starts to escalate again, I tell her she can repeat having Eva come to her any time.  I watch her gracefully move through it.