Provide and Protect

I am writing about protection because it's been coming to my front door in one aspect or another over the last few days.  One of the rules about protection is when it comes to your threshold,  you sit up, pay attention and do what you need to do (provide) to be safe and, well.... protected.

The word "protection" tends to raise red flags.  But in my mind, protection is as benign as brushing your teeth routinely or getting your oil changed on the car every few months. Care and a thoughtful maintenance are precursors to both providing and protecting.  For both realists and alarmists, protection is required when one is vulnerable, in a weakened moment, or partial to victimization at a given time.  As a generalization, responsible parents are exemplary at this and I've noticed as a group, men also are very good at it, when cued into that part of their nature.  Call it sexist, call it chivalrous, there is something comforting in watching men vigilantly watch out for their women folk in the myriad of ways that they do.

Protection comes in many forms; who you are, what you believe, what rituals you are familiar and comfortable with will dictate what form will serve you.  Every religion has their symbology which can serve as protection.   Christians have worn crosses around their necks for centuries for (Jesus') protection.  Veils required in some religious houses hearkens back to the dark ages when veils were seen as a protection from evil spirits (bad spirits skim off the head gear and avoid synagogue/temple entry?). High thresholds (18") at the entry of traditional Chinese abodes are meant to trip up evil spirits. If you were the mythological god Achilles, you'd know what you would have to protect. And so it is with us.

We know our weaknesses.  And we are usually aware of what to do to keep ourselves from harms way.  Some examples:  Heated buildings-cold weather winter combination brings chafed skin conditions; we protect and provide by using extra emollient lotions, increased vitamin C and E intake (bolsters and strengthens cell structure, inhibiting breakdown) and cover overexposed skin to water and the elements.

Flight or fight responses are protective mechanisms.  A vulnerable person in a threatening situation could get their rankles up, be peskily annoying, scream, argue or take the fall back approach of disappearing or acting ignorant/stupid.  Any one of these choice of expressions is an individual's hedged bet that they will be left alone or be helped (squeaky wheel gets the grease, no matter what squeaky sounds like).

Then we have provide and protect tactics when dealing with energy; our own or others.  Talismans like jewelry, stones, pendants that have significance (have been blessed, come from a strong source) are often used.  My mother used to tell me engagement rings (even though they came first) went second over wedding bands as a source of protection for the marriage. Prayer or ritual around safeguarding one's own energy field in preparation of a difficult encounter or anticipated negative field is useful.  "Power" clothing and certain colors are psychic and psychological protection for perhaps an intrepid meeting. The main action is one of creating an intention while including provisions that become a reassuring reminder.

What would be a meaningfully considerate act to ourselves when approaching a threat?  The very consideration of the question is the first step in providing protection and a thoughtful care gesture to oneself.  Things and situations that threaten, scare and steal energy from us cannot always be avoided.  Entering the crucible is often necessary for our arising.  But considering what protects our energy, rituals that support our being--- is a self-care approach that affirms a right self-Love.

Creativity and Wellness

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”  – Albert Einstein

Creativity is an aspect of the spirit, the free flow of (divine?) energy through the Self/self.  Creative impulse is dependent upon the senses to manifest.
Our visual, auditory, tactile, kinesthetic, gustatory and olfactory 'receptors' or senses, are the conduit from which creativity flows through and from.  Our sixth sense, proprioception (the general sensation of our bodies, including intuition), is also a receptor to creative expression.

“If you do not answer the noise and urgency of your gifts, they will turn on you, or drag you down with their immense sadness at being abandoned.”-- Joy Harjo, Crazy Brave

Wellness is deeply related to the contact we have or don't have to our innate creativity.  In a way, our relationship to our creativity-- the essential 'juice' in our life, is how we know ourselves.  It's our Home.  Satisfaction, Pleasure, Wonder, deep Feeling all live there; the place where meaning resides and where we long to be. If we are cut off from this, we are cut off from ourselves and our health will be negatively and profoundly impacted.

“Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties.” ― Eric Fromm

Being related to one's creative spirit is to be engaged in some measure to joy, curiosity or wonder.  Hence, in this relationship, many of the body's relaxation markers are usually in full effect, countering normal stress.  It is most often fun, enjoyable and deeply pleasing to one's being to be in the creative.  Even when problem solving, or weighing creative responses to a 'call' of the imagination, the sifting and dissemination of one's creative impressions are both interesting and relaxing, even though there might be considerable stimulation.

There is no downside to exploring and participating in one's creativity.  And, there are a myriad of reasons why it is damaging not to do so.  Mostly, one cannot really know oneself, one's purpose without opening to the wild-woolly, quietly-sublime spirit that lies within.  And not fully knowing, or frequently experiencing that in one's unique journey in a lifetime-- well, it's just not good for you.


“We tried to make something much more holistic and simple. When you first start off trying to solve a problem, the first solutions you come up with are very complex, and most people stop there. But if you keep going, and live with the problem and peel more layers of the onion off, you can often times arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions.”
 -- Steve Jobs

Creativity takes many forms through life's continuum.  Watching small children exploring their creativity is like experiencing the force of an open fire hydrant.  They gush forth energetically; their stream of imagination, powerfully raw. There is no holds barred, no clamping down or editing themselves, no self-consciousness.  They ride the tumultuous rapids known as their flow, ecstatic in the wild ride.  As we age, creativity becomes more nuanced and sublime.  With maturity comes an ability to listen more deeply and globally.  We have a more seasoned willingness to step back and watch the force unfold, rather than ride the rapids of the creative known in an earlier period.  It tends to be a slower, measured and richer experience after 40 as opposed to the intense, tumultuous experience of a younger person.  We trust the process.  As Jobs says above, a [mature] person has the patience and experience to keep peeling the layers away, staying with the question, problem, participating in crafting the experience in the process.  It's a different type of transformation.

Transformation is the by-product of being in the creative state.  Whether it be breathing through the development of a mathematical equation for those so inclined, or following the body's impulses in a movement exploration be it sport or art, the creative spirit strikes Home differently in all types, indeed all human beings.    

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” ― Martha Graham

What makes for a state of wellness is complex.  But inextricably linked to it is the health of the spirit.  The health of the spirit is founded in the creative.  The first few words of Graham's statement above are also familiar words used to describe wellness:  vitality, life force, energy.  If you possess these qualities, you are considered robustly healthy.  Spirit illnesses, like addiction, chronic anxiety or misery, grief or depression are serious states of dis-ease that leave our creative reservoirs and health coffers empty.  It is as if a firm lid is on the wealth of our interior riches, our vitality and life force, as Graham puts it.  Those who suffer this, suffer illness; a loss of essential capacity, a compromised refuge to the Self.

Creativity and Wellness are essential operating elements to being a Whole person.  They are inextricably linked and pay service to the other.  As a culture, we must start seeing and nourishing this relationship, instead of denying its importance.  This relationship is not negligible; our health and wellness depend upon it.

Rebirthing

If it is true that trauma (and ecstasy) are stored in our cells and tissues, impacting our psych and function through our life in subtle and poignant ways, then it would make sense that the events of our birth (and perhaps even conception and gestation) would also be embedded in the deep foundation of who we are.

Aileen Crow and Sandy Jamrog have a chapter in Encyclopedia of Childbearing, Oryx Press, 1993, titled:  "Spontaneous Rebirthing", in which they say: "A person's own experiences of being born, whether or not they are remembered, determines many of their deepest and most basic beliefs.  These are called birth-engendered beliefs.   Beliefs are not just abstract thoughts; they are psychophysical realities.

Everybody knows that tension interferes with breathing and efficient muscular function.   What is not common knowledge is that unresolved perinatal experiences can initiate patterns that tend to live on throughout a person's whole life on a non-verbal and non-conscious level.  Birth-engendered beliefs are anchored in the body, in the musculature, the fascia,and the cells of the body.  They live in the body's memory, in breathing and movement patterns which condition perception and the interpretation of experience.  They affect behavior and relationships throughout life, as Stanislav Grof (1985), Arthur Janov (1983), Sondra Ray and Bob Mandel (1987) have shown."  Also,  "Birth-engendered beliefs can help or hinder a woman's experience of giving birth.  For example, a belief such as,"Nothing good comes easy" may interfere with the birth process by functioning as a non-conscious imperative that must be obeyed.  Patterns of unresolved conflict tend to repeat themselves.  When a prospective mother experiences a spontaneous rebirthing, an opportunity is being presented to complete some important learning about her own birth that might otherwise interfere with her giving birth to a child."

These "patterns of unresolved conflict" can be said to be a type of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) and as mentioned in an earlier post, Somatic Healing, can often be effectively dealt with working with a competent bodyworker.

Rebirthing is the actual intention a bodyworker and client have together to go back to the moment of birth and hopefully resolve the conflict or trauma present, through movement, sound and breath (talk not usually being the primary therapeutic modality).  Rebirthing also can occur spontaneously if one is an altered state, deeply relaxed or experiences a trigger that sets the memory into play.  The latter could be a PTSD reoccurrence unless facilitated by a competent bodyworker.

"Living as they do in the body, birth-engendered patterns and their accompanying beliefs are accessible to receptive, non-invasive touch,and to an attitude respectful of the purpose behind the person's rebirthing experience.  we have found that the use of hyperventilation to induce emotional involvement is unnecessary."

'In the old days', rebirthing was accomplished through specific (and in my opinion, contrived and static) breathing patterns.  This approach itself was rough and unto itself, tended to be somewhat traumatic.  A gifted bodyworker these days uses the basis of healing relationship to encourage the right breathing pattern for the right moment (naturally arrived at by the trusting client);  as Crow/Jamrog indicate above, receptivity, non-invasive touch and a respectful attitude are key to a successful rebirthing experience.

"People sometimes go into spontaneous rebirth experiences during bodywork sessions when they are encouraged to pay attention to sensations, feelings and movement impulses.  Releasing tension might also disrupt habitual holding patterns that may be covering early traumatic conflict, and so stimulate spontaneous rebirth experiences. "

This statement of Crow/Jamrog would indicate the imperative need to engage a seasoned bodyworker with whom to evolve a trusting, healing relationship.  Such a practitioner should be sensitive and experienced in recognizing subtle tensions and physical patterns, is able to witness movement tensions and has the maturity to be discriminating in action in order to facilitate a healing.  A successful rebirthing is a liberation.  It makes possible and provides capacity when there was none prior.

Aileen Crow has been an Alexander teacher since 1969.  She taught at ACAT in New York City until she formed her own AT training program in 1978.  She is a Creativity Counselor in private practice in NYC and in New City, NY, is a Laban Movement Analyst (since 1969) and a Dreambody Process-Oriented therapist.   Her most recent interests are calligraphy, Solo Focusing and transforming trauma.

Aileen's more recent writings have been in A Moving Journal (1993-2006 ),  AuthenticMovementCommunity Blog, and the Journal of Authentic Movement and Somatic  Inquiry (JAMSI) AuthenticMovement.Journal.com.

Sandra Jamrog  is a Teacher and Practitioner of Body-Mind Centering, an Infant Developmental Movement Educator and a Childbirth Educator.  She is certified with The National Certification Board for Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork and a New York State Licensed Massage Therapist. Sandra has been working with birth and parenting since 1974

Rest

"Rest is the conversation between what we love to do and how we love to be. Rest is the essence of giving and receiving. Rest is an act of remembering, imaginatively and intellectually but also physiologically and physically."*     --David Whyte

Out of the four stress management principles I advocate in my teaching to others and in my own practice, rest is the most difficult for me (and many of my clients) to grasp. (Maybe we should try NOT grasping...) Not being able to relate to rest must be an American thing.  Or maybe its a 21st century thing.  We have trouble not multi-tasking.  We resist sleep.  We struggle with stopping, not doing.  It might seem we are hard-wired to 'accomplish' or that our worth and value is seated in purposeful activities.


In my post, A Right Rest, I speak about the many varieties of rest that are available to us, that sleep or napping might not always be the right rest we are looking for.  It delights me that only a poet (Whyte) could so eloquently speak about rest being a conversation about loving and being.  It must be our tendencies to leave feeling out of our purposeful driven doing activity and the disinclination (due to discomfort?) to stay far from a closer connection to our being.

"We are rested when we are a living exchange between what lies inside and what lies outside, when we are an intriguing conversation between the potential that lies in our imagination and the possibilities for making that internal image real in the world; we are rested when we let things alone and let ourselves alone, to do what we do best, breathe as the body intended us to breathe."*

Whyte's quote above and in his excellent essay, Rest*, eludes to the play of outer and inner and the ability to let go, to be closer to our more whole selves through the influence of our breath.  Many of our indoctrinations have us resisting quiet or rest because it is a type of death; we have little to externally show for it; and that is unacceptable to the most of ourselves.  In short, we most likely have an attitude distortion about rest: what it looks like, feels like and what it does for us.

"To rest is to give up on the already exhausted will as the prime motivator of endeavor, with its endless outward need to reward itself through established goals. To rest is to give up on worrying and fretting and the sense that there is something wrong with the world unless we are there to put it right; to rest is to fall back literally or figuratively from outer targets and shift the goal not to an inner bulls eye, an imagined state of perfect stillness, but to an inner state of natural exchange."*

*David Whyte, Essay #21 "Rest" 

Authentic Movement: Flying Solo

"When the movement was simple and inevitable, not to be changed no matter how limited or partial, it became what I called 'authentic' – it could be recognized as genuine, belonging to that person." 

-- Mary Whitehouse

Authentic Movement (AM) is a practice that has been used for over half a century to express the creative impulse, unwind the subliminal, subconscious material below ones external layers, and to inform.  AM as a practice is valuable because it is seated in sincerity.  This is possible because one has taken the risk of sensitizing and grounding the body enough for the (often hidden) authentic to surface. One's being senses an openness, a more whole and deeper listening quality; Self-trust ensues. These conditions allow for sincerity, authenticity to make its way to the surface of ourselves, a willingness to be exposed.

"The movement becomes 'authentic' when the individual is able to allow their intuitive impulses to freely express themselves without intellectual directive, as opposed to movement initiated by conscious decision making – a distinction which may appear clear, but practically a challenge. Individuals simply pay attention to what they feel at a sensory level, since "the core of the movement experience is the sensation of moving and being moved."*

With over twenty-five years of doing the practice, at present, there are two aspects of AM that are deeply intriguing to me.  1: This idea of using the form in relation to an intention, allowing the organism to be "informed" by a greater, more sensitized intelligence (a distinct probability in the AM form), and 2: the possibility of doing AM solo.

"In the Authentic Movement aspect of Whitehouse's approach, the moving participants (movers) are passively observed by a witness, who 'contains' the experience of the mover by witnessing their movements without judgement, projection or interpretation. In this way the witness is also an active participant, as witnessing is a practice in observing one's own sensations and impulses while observing the mover's. It's important to note that Whitehouse created many individual, dyadic and group experiences to create a context for moving from inner sensation and whole-body experience." *

In relation to #1 above, traditionally AM is not practiced with an intention looking for information or answers.  An intention in some ways is counter to the idea of being open to what is and most probably prone to "intellectual directive."  Traditionally or not, intention or not, material surfaces during an AM session which often clarifies.  When one is "ripe", internally holding something, these are "low hanging fruit" conditions; AM often brings it to the surface for plucking, like it or not.  I have explored using the form in relation to unfinished dreams in this way, very successfully.

In relation to #2, the traditional form of AM always includes the basic role of witness and mover.  But as Whitehead says in the above quotes,  it is truly a dual action.  In the AM process, mover becomes witness and witness becomes her own mover (through her sensations of what is seen, energetically received and her own impulses).  If one is practiced at holding this dual space for oneself and another, has routinely a strong inner witness while moving, then experiencing the form solo might be very rich.

So, with the threat of breaking the rules of this beloved form, I set out to make an experiment.  I have an intention to understand something I've been ruminating about as of late and want to use AM to shed some light.  At the moment, I don't have the benefit of others to support me as witnesses.  I wish to try this premise of setting an intention and buoying up my own inner witness to do the holding-the-container job, simultaneously.

My impromptu moving space is private; an unused tennis court in the middle of the woods.  With a tip of my hat to the external witness role, I place my water bottle on a bench as a witness figurehead and find my place in the space in relation to it.  What ensues is a sublime experience of moving in and out, an experience of levels going deeper and moving closer to the surface and then back again. Left hand perpendicular to the ground moves in circles, smoothing the way.  Right hand/arm gently opening, closing, a love energy moving toward my heart, a gathering.  I experience an "intellectual directive" in myself.  Move forward!  Move forward!  Why are you only going side to side?! Move forward! or "Ugh oh. I'm moving in circles, oh dear, please don't let me move in circles!"  She walks with the one that isn't interested in directive, but needing to respond from a deeper impulse. I will move as I move.  Everything in its own time. There is a parlay, an exchange, a finding one's place in that. An acknowledged relationship between them exists.  Even the external environment becomes part of the process, not to be excluded nor seen as a happenstance, but an integral part of the whole. Rotating my torso, my eye catches a cloud of mosquitoes ready to land on me.  I start swatting at them and become momentarily disengaged from my depth.  Yes! Distractions are forever at the ready! I laugh.  Off balance, awkward, ungainly movements... all the tripping that is necessary before a transformation.

Everyone that comes to Authentic Movement should have that incredible experience of being held, seen, and witnessed by others.  There is nothing like it.  It makes possible entry into deep (dark) places.  It makes it safe for aspects of the self, often hidden and buried, to resurface and become visible. It builds and supports ones own inner witness.  But with enough practice, is it possible to do both simultaneously, go solo?

This experience on the tennis court was not a "traditional" experience of AM.  But for the place I am in my life, in my practice, this was exactly right.  It is required of me, where I sit in myself at this moment in time, to experience the dualities and how they sing and move together, and even how they transform each other or at least the consciousness around them.  I need the formerly invisible to walk with that intellectual directive, neither one to take charge, but live in a proximity that allows and encourages the other to exist.  

The truth is, I'm not young (relatively).  I'm not a newbie.  I am seasoned.  I am mature.  Another possibility for use of the form is necessary at this time.

The Edge

photo credit:  Cornel Pufan

As we move through our continuums, even on a daily basis, we come into contact with personal edges.  Energetic edges happen when a vibration becomes a challenge in us, usually brought on by ambivalence, two opposites occurring at once, or a deep seated fear or challenge to a belief system.  Often, one or two aspects of our self meets this “crisis” and more often than not, there is no reconciliation factor to transform the edge.  A common example could be, our physicality reaches an edge (ie: exhaustion) and the mind and or the heart meet it (with “I can’t go on.” or “I must go on.”).  The edge is tenuous, it could go either way depending on the supporting/non-supporting aspects.  A strong motivated mind or emotion could be the factor that gets us past the physical edge.  And a non-committal or unengaged mental or emotional stance will do otherwise.  Another example could be a fatigued mind can’t get through a mental problem it faces, and the emotional center of ourselves is of no help as it despised the problem to begin with and the body, weakened by the mind’s momentary fatigue collapses as well.

photo credit:  Michael Karcz

We don’t recognize our edges.  They are uncomfortable and frequently downright scary (as said, they often are a challenge to a deep seated belief).  A common response to meeting an unconscious edge in ourselves is to get reactive, confused and ultimately turn away from the friction (vibration) created.  So the edge remains latent in us until the next surfacing. 

The power of edges is of course the energy generated there.  The transformation of an edge is the awareness we are there and the courage not to turn away.

Like most things of importance, meeting and transforming an edge takes practice.  We have to come up to it and turn away umpteen times, priming an inner awareness of it.  Breaking that cycle (because it occurs so frequently with a particular edge) is an exercise of patience for an inner life.  Knowing I ultimately have to bring other aspects of myself to the edge besides the one that gets me there is useful.

So, I start out doing an “impossible” task, one I’ve never done, have no familiarity or seeming aptitude for and hence feel supremely uncomfortable in the approach.  It’s a task I have never attempted out of decades of deep seated fear and layers of complex beliefs.  But, my mind knows it has to be done, there is no not doing it.  My body is sort of curious about this new never-been-done-before quest and is somewhat willing because it is supported by the determined mind.  The emotional center of myself is fully crazed about the prospect, has dug in her heels and can be heard whining about it almost constantly, nay-saying and dooms-daying as we start to move through the steps of the task.  Normally, all the ruckus the emotions create would stop the rest of me in my tracks.  But the methodical mind is on a roll.  And wisely, she hasn’t taken her usual imperious stance, dominating the rest of me.  She takes a wise-parent approach and this makes all the difference.  She keeps moving forward doing the laid out steps (with the help of the able and curious body), while cajoling the emotional part.  “We’re just going to do this for three hours today, it might be sort of fun. We’ll make no determinations, we’re just trying an experiment.”  

photo credit: Sterni

The three hours experience could be likened to dragging a full cart with no wheels.  It is like a flailing child on my left hip, causing me to do a sort of Igor/Frankenstein walk, dragging this besides-herself-little-one clinging, kicking and screaming.  There is a general feeling of supreme discomfort, even pain.  Confusion sets in in increments and I have an impression of being on the deck of a boat on a rolling ocean. Something in me knows the confusions and overwhelm are part and parcel of the effort and not to spend too much time trying to unravel them. Parts of myself are internally cowering, pretending they are stupid and don’t know anything.  This “I don’t know anything!” drama I find is actually helpful; my past indoctrination says, when you are a rank novice at something, mistakes are allowed, mercy is shown, the boom doesn’t get lowered.  Wow! It’s ok not to know. 

The three hours are up, I pack ‘us’ into the car.  There is a visceral sensation I am all in pieces, kind of shredded, and the main impression I have of myself.  I do a lot of inner cooing and reassuring on the way home, actually talking aloud:  “Ok. THATS over.  We’re done for the day, on our way home now.  We did great! We’ll have some nice tea when we get there and take the rest of the day off.  We won’t think or do anything else about this for now.”  Something in me is dutiful to this; faintly tempted to consider doing some thinking work on the process, she just lets it go.  There would be time for this action in awhile when most of me was feeling more settled, less shredded.

photo credit:  Barbara Corvine

There are a lot of edges in this.  Not only the ‘impossible’ task at the center, but experiencing the emotional dramas of the small child that still lives and her bounty of extreme impressions and reactions.  Also, the benevolent parent who somehow doesn’t marginalize the wailing child, but just keeps moving forward with a type of empathy for the fear-ridden.  That there were beginnings, middles and definite ends in the steps was enormously helpful; it provided lampposts (a short term goal) to get to and complete.  The practice of doing this exercise multiple times was great for the whole, because they all came to know it was survivable.  We would get through this, we did it before.  Each time, a new step became a bit more detailed and “serious”.  Each time newish terrors would surface, the intimidation factor would become more heightened.  And each time the benevolent parent would rise to the occasion, “It’s ok. We can do this.  It is terrifying.  We’re in this together.”

Part of meeting and transforming this edge was not getting bogged down in the smokescreens other parts of the self would create (the usual “turn away” factor).  They were noted, sometimes momentarily overwhelming, but not distracting enough to derail the intention set.  The presence of someone compassionate and benevolent, not willing to annihilate the ruckus-causing parts for her own purposes was also very unifying.  A sense even the disruptive have a place in the process, a voice to be recognized, a value-- significantly diffuses the power of the ensuing polarized anarchy. It was a joint effort, no Lone Ranger in sight.

Possibly, the transformation of an edge is a rite of passage.  There is no doubt it is entering a crucible of sorts; there is a combustible incineration process, pain and suffering is guaranteed.  But the sense of liberation and the infusion of a clear, bright energy once one has stepped through that door is an experience of tasting the magnificence of being Alive.  Once done, the possibility of navigating the course of an edge undeniably exists. It is also gives a perspective that illusions abound and confirms I may be living much of my life behind a veil.