The Lunch Rut: A Renewed Curiosity Outside the Box

One of the reasons we get into ruts is that we stop feeling curiosity and become unacquainted with our life force.  It's an odd occurrence if you think about it.  Why wouldn't we want to feel everyday the excitement and higher vibration that is available in our life?  We become slaves to a routine, a schedule, the patterns that "work" for us, including our daily food intake, exercise, even bathing rituals.

One of the prominent ruts we find ourselves in is the breakfast and lunch rut.  For many, what they eat for breakfast is absolutely routine and unchanged for years.  I know some adults who now cannot abide oatmeal, as they had it everyday of their childhoods.  For many, the car is practically on autopilot to their nearest Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks on the way to work.  There is comfort in having these patterns; they've become rituals, a preparation our inner life almost depends on to bear the boredom or sameness that they are meeting everyday.  For better or worse, these are habits we cling to, often at the expense of the subliminal life force that begs for something different, found in the curiosity of what is now, how I am on this new day and what I might need.  We habitually turn to the familiar as we are far from the caring for the immediate self and we desperately want  something easy, fast and (usually) mindless so we don't have to take the trouble to drop into ourselves.

So breakfasts become a hot grain, granola with fruit, yogurt is a common addition. Every so often for variety of flavor and nutrition, it's a good idea to switch up your oatmeal.  This activity opens the palette and curiosity.  Would cinnamon or cardamon or turmeric go well with millet or amaranth?  what's the best fruit with it?  The trial and error is an interesting process, and it's nice to get to know a new anything.  Most of our breakfasts are sweet, rarely savory.  How different is it for the body to start the day savory as opposed to sweet.  In my experience, sweet wants more sweet, calls for it during the day.  Savory is more a blank canvas and doesn't set me up for "like" during the day like sweet does.

With breakfasts, rarely do you see vegetables. SAD (Standard American Diet) breakfast is usually high in complex/simple carbs and proteins.  Open your hearts and mind.  Vegetables can be a soothing addition, as I found on a trip to China.  Vegetables (baby bok choy and spinach specifically) are at every meal there.  And it was the only food I ate that was reliably good from meal to meal.  By week three, dreading the 100th Chinese meal (not ever my favorite cuisine) of the trip, I always thought, well, at least there will be the simple, delicious, bok choy and spinach.  Since that trip, I regularly include vegetables in my breakfasts. In fact, I sometimes exclusively eat them for breakfast.  They're clean and sustaining; a good way to start the day.  I found a gorgeous head of baby kale at the farmer's market, sauteed it up with some garlic, tahini (protein) and a shot or two of tamari.  So good.  For those wanting more protein, dry roasting some nuts of choice topping it off that way, or some sauteed mushrooms (high in protein) with favored fresh herbs.  Adding some heat via a hot sauce with yogurt on the side is another version.

For those devoted to their oatmeal, other  hot cereal or granola every morning, try adding some innocuous cooked squash (acorn, butternut, delicata), throw in a few frozen cranberries, use maple syrup (lower glycemic value) instead of sugar or honey, add roasted/unroasted seeds or nuts.  These additions not only give you more vegetables and whole foods in the day, they up the nutritional anty of the meal; always a good thing.  these veg don't collide; they are sweet and gentle and not loud.  They know how to elevate the hero of the meal.

Lunch ruts.  I remember (not so fondly) the years and years and YEARS of the routine sandwich.  Followed by the years and years and YEARS of boxed salads.  Ugh.  So tired.  Organic lettuce in a big see- through box has become popular because its so convenient.  But that's all it is.  There is no flavor to be found there and it's totally uninspiring.  So disappointing.  If you are enthusiastic about salads, you'll burn out fairly fast unless you change it up.  Slaws are flavorful, variations relate to all seasons, can be a complete meal and can be pretty to gorgeous in appearance.  They even improve in flavor on day 2 and even day 3. And with roasted cashews spilled over the top, well that's an invitation to nirvana. Using good, honest real lettuce makes a real salad.  Using a blend of three types of leaves makes it more interesting; include texture and color in your choice (ie: raddichio, endive, tender chard). Scissor in some fresh herbs like basil, tarragon, mint; it brightens the flavor.  Don't even think about dressing it with a bought bottle.  No matter it's organic. Simple apple cider or balsamic vinegar after drizzling evoo (extra virgin olive oil), add (pink) salt and pepper.  Clean, bright and delicious. A simple half of a perfectly ripe avocado, salt and pepper, with a squeeze of lemon is the height of luxury and satisfaction.  Chop up a bit of tomato sprinkle it over the avocado with some fresh parsley, cilantro or basil and you have a love variation encapsulated.

Soups are a winter staple, but can wear out their welcome after the 2nd or 3rd month of overuse.  Believe it or not, counterintuitively, going streamlined simple is a way to address thick, hearty winter soup burnout.  Miso is easy and full of nutrition; scoop a tablespoon from the miso box and pour boiling water over it, mixing well.  Top with scallions, tofu if you must and some scissored fresh herbs like chive to makes a complete impression.  Likewise, roasted beef bones made into a deep, rich broth with some rice noodles and scallions is another thin soup that packs a hearty wallop, enriching kidney chi to boot.  Variations would be to add some thin sliced jalapeño pepper, a squeeze of lime, whole tai basil, cilantro, bean sprouts and parsley gives a filling impression to our yearning selves.

Proteins proteins proteins.  We're obsessed with getting our proteins.  Nutritionally, proteins are needed in small amounts.  A portion of animal protein should only be the size of a deck of cards.  Nuts and legumes or whole grain (ie: rice)  make a complete protein.  Again, not a huge amount gives you what is required.  7-10 nuts with a quarter cup of cooked rice does it.  In these terms, proteins become a condiment-size to a meal not the big kahuna.  Proteins ARE in vegetables and herbs as well. Check the nutrition content in herbs I listed in my last post, Herbs: Nutrient packed flavor.  It was surprising to me how much protein is found there and in many greens.

The old standby lunch foods wedged between two pieces of bread (egg, tuna, chicken salad) have other possibilities than what we once knew.  We're used to a dense tuna, chicken, egg salad.  Dense in texture and flavor, combined with usually sub-prime mayonnaise.  In this state, we're used to eating 3 or more eggs at a sitting, or almost a full can of tuna.  Give some breath to these old standbys.  Combine any of these proteins with several vegetables.  Radish, dakon, scallion, 1-2 herbs, chopped spinach, celery, onion, different colored peppers, shredded carrot, capers, pickles.  The choices are almost limitless.  Your final effort should yield 1/3 protein to 2/3 veg.  Keep it all together lightly; a little yogurt/mayo combo (flavored with chive, curry, mustard, hot sauce, etc).  Or try a little evoo (extravirgin olive oil), balsamic, salt and pepper.  It doesn't have to be dense.  It begs not to be dense.  Take one or two gorgeous, generous pieces of whole lettuce (or delicate chard, young kale leaf), put a few tablespoons of the protein mix on it and roll it, tucking in ends like an egg roll or burrito to make a fat cigar shape.  It keeps it all together, is a delightful size and easy to handle, plus the addition of the lettuce gives you more vegetable/fiber.  Pack a few of them for lunch.  They keep and travel well.  You can add toasted seeds or nuts, a little grated cheese to the filling.  If you need more complex flavor, make a dipping sauce that is related to the "moistener" of the contents (i.e.: curried yogurt, evoo/vinegar).  Once one's attitude is altered to protein possibilities and portions and the larger role vegetables should play in our daily diet, we start to think differently, be more creative, think outside the (lunch) box.

If you are able, keeping a few often-used products in a work desk drawer is handy.  A small olive oil bottle to refill as needed, a small favorite vinegar, a whole lemon, an avocado for the week, some dry roasted nuts (an additional salted variety) and/or seeds, some pink salt, a piece of whole fruit or two, some dried fruit.  These can stave off raiding the snack machine indefinitely.  When you open the lemon, throw the used part into a glass of water to get a subtly spunky drink and some alkaline while you're at it.

Having a melt down?  Winter blues setting in? A sorrow anniversary has come around again?  Comfort and joy is required.  We don't have to turn to mac and cheese, sugar cookies and icecream to assuage the low spirits.  We've grown up and we have other options (some of these can be used for lunch as well!).

The simple ("gift of the gods") sweet potato, baked to carmelized perfection hits the spot.  Just bake it 400 degrees for a real long time, 1-1.5 hours, and eat (melts in your mouth goodness).  You don't even have to add butter, but if you have to, you have to.  Adding cinnamon at the end is a treat as well (good antioxidant, too).  While we're on veg, the good ole winter standby of roasted root vegetables is good hot or cold.  Potato, onion, carrots, parsnips, yams, beets, rhutabaga turnips.  Cut one of each up in pleasing shapes and sizes, toss all with olive oil, salt, pepper, fresh rosemary,  and thyme.  Bake in one layer on a cookie sheet at 400 degrees for 1h+; flip them midway.  They are really yummy if they're browned nicely; this means giving them lots of room on the pan, lots of heat space in-between components (might need two cookie sheets). If you make this a lot, try varying the vegetable (ie: pearl onions whole instead of sliced onions, parsnips instead of carrots, etc.).  Because roasted veg is always good, it's the perfect time to try unfamiliar vegetables like rutabagas, turnips, brussel sprouts, even cauliflower;  it's almost impossible to mess up roasted vegetables. Variation experiment with hot sauce, herb variations.  "Himmel und Erde” which means “Heaven and Earth, is a great German comfort food.  Equal parts potato, turnip, apple, peeled (if you have to), boiled together, mash w/ evoo or butter, salt and pepper, splash of (butter)milk or dollop of yogurt, maybe a little cinnamon. Yes, it's where heaven and earth meet, that is for sure.

Moving onto the complex carb hankering... ah, pasta; it in the past has assuaged all forms of boredom, depression, frustration and anger.  Weather unrelenting?  A bowl of pasta is a very good defense.  But, we know how habit forming this is (breaks down into sugars quickly, begging for more before long).  So, a good alternative is baked spagetti squash, turned out of shell, evoo'd, salt and pepper, topped with  homemade tomato sauce (opague some onions and garlic in evoo, throw in some cut up tomatoes or whole cherry tomatos, himalayan pink salt, red pepper flakes. scissor some fresh herbs--basil, parsley).  Sautee some wonderful. fresh mushrooms with sherry, top the squash with this dynamic duo. Bliss it out with shaved parmagiano.  Go to heaven.  

Then there is always the satisfying bowl of rice.  Leave the white rice behind for now and choose brown rice, dirty rice, black rice, Lundberg's red rice, etc.  Grate a couple of teaspoons of fresh romano over it, drizzle with olive oil, pink salt and pepper, fresh chopped herbs of your choice (cilantro, parsley, thyme) and some toasted nuts/seeds. It is the best comfort food there is especially if you're in a mood... lots of vitamin B in there to help with the lows.

Sour moods call for sweetness to offset.  It's easy to feel guilty here, we know we're supposed to ward off sugar.  But, a little "forbidden fruit" goes a long way, and with practice, one gets used to natural sweetness, additional sugar eventually feels like overkill.  Apples cooked in a variety of ways can be very satisfying.  Apple crisp is a delight;  use a lot of seeds, nuts, crystallized ginger, cinnamon, cardamon, oats and a healthy dollop of butter in the "crisp" part; sweeten if you have to with maple syrup. This is very comforting.  To make it extra decadent, eat warm with a dollop of whipping cream or coconut creme.  Beats out in spades cheap cookies and commercial sweets.  Baked apples have a similar composition, but they come in their beautiful, compact packages (and travel well!).  They can even be had for breakfast on the run with no guilt attached.  Often a cup of hot Rooibus tea with a little honey nips the sweet hankering in the bud.  But if you're at the end of the winter and have pretty much "tea'd" yourself out, a cup of hot cocoa with a dollop of coconut creme makes the inner child very happy.  Make it fresh with high grade cocoa, try using almond or coconut milk, grate a bit of fresh ginger, sweeten with honey or maple syrup and make it very rich and dark.  Add a pinch of cinnamon and/or chili pepper to give it some heat, bringing out the flavor exponentially.  The floating cream (coconut or heavy cream) is such a nice thing to sip through.  It puts the tea-blahs in their place.

As you may tell, my food philosophy doesn't include deprivation, or rigidity; nor should yours.  There is no absolutely bad anything that nature created for our sustenance  Bringing a black and white thinking to the table of nourishing ALL of me, just clamps down on exploration and pleasure.  What we eat should be fully pleasurable, fun and nourishing to body, mind and spirit.  

These are just a few suggestions to help switch up what might have become entrenched eating habits.  Making an attitude adjustment about what constitutes lunch, comfort foods and the "main course" (proteins) and how we can include more vegetables (happily!) through our eating adventures, will help us maintain our immune systems and overall wellness.  Curiosity is key.  Experimenting with this readjusted attitude, having some fun, trying unlikely choices opens us up.  This makes us more available to what we really want to eat and how we want to be.  Surprises are around every mealtime corner.

The Care of Aging Parents: Making the Last Laps Rich (Part II)

In Part I on this topic, I centered the post around the idea of setting an intention of what we want in the healing and transformation of the relationship with one's aging loved one.  Opening to the feeling aspect of what it is we want prepares the ground for the details, and helps sees us through the challenges of what is put into play—what, hopefully, we and our parents want.  In this Part II, I will deal more with the nuts-and-bolts of how to provide the sustenance that makes these last laps rich and meaningful for you and them.

Once the intention is set, it is good to determine how you and your elder are going to work together.  Are they handing everything over to you, abdicating all control?  Or do they want to be co-determiners as long as possible?  How will this work, how is it imagined?  Part of the healing in the relationship is the sublime relating we do with them, and they with us.  The confronting the hard things in a soft way, the 'yes' and the 'no's. The disagreements, fears, the sensitivity to the taking control and having little say.  It's this territory that is fertile, if not a challenge to navigate.  This is where we attempt to optimize our Listening,  our Attending-to/Attention, our Observing.  This is where breath and a nuanced appreciation for what Is can transform the difficult transitions.

You see your elder aging, having a more difficult time doing basic things, like laundry, cooking and cleaning.  You might even notice a hygiene deficit or important memory lapses (not taking medications in a timely manner, forgetting to pay bills, etc.)  By this time, it's late in the game.  It's late in the game, because of Denial.  Denial on everyone's part.  Experiencing or noticing a decline in a loved one or self is not easily accepted and often minimized.  We want the old homeostasis, even though change is well underway.  We think it's ok for them to be left alone for a few hours, or even though their balance is somewhat shaky, it's ok as long as their cane is nearby.  This lack of acknowledgement of a decline is denial and it is dangerous.  The primary concern we should have is safety.  Are they safe 100% of the day?  They aren't if they're forgetting medications, leaving the kettle on when on the stove or not being hygienic.  Always best to err on safety's side.  Have more coverage, not less.

Decline comes in all gradations;  gradual to quick.  It's important that once it is underway, there are watchful others around regularly to gage needed interventions.  It might start with grocery runs, housekeeping every other week, or help with a weekly shower.  A decline in social engagement outside the home is a subtle marker as well.  This often happens when an elder realizes they are losing memory (uncomfortable conversing with people who know them but whom they don't remember knowing) or have lost a physical fitness that makes it uncomfortable to be more active.  Losing memory can be very subtle and effectively hidden  by vague responses.  Dementia is masked by depression and sometimes vice versa.  He/she that has created an intention to be the 'observer' engaged with the elder becomes responsible for this watching and deciding/co-deciding with the elder when intervention is required.

Every situation is so different. There are myriad ways people can creatively care for loved ones, and also myriad situations in which the caring transpires.  It may be a collective of family members, or a trusted caretaker or group of them who reports to an adult child who is far away.  Determining the elder's wishes (early on, if possible) is helpful in determining what can be set up (home care, elder care in a senior community, etc).  And of course what is physically and financially possible for the adult child.

Early on, it is vital to consider obtaining power of attorney and/or a medical healthcare proxy for your parent.  It is easier for you to manage your parent's finances this way, and there isn't any holdup when it comes to healthcare decisions.  Outside sources that may be of help are your elder's doctor's office (might have referrals to home care agencies, social workers, etc), and local community senior centers which have programs during the day. Also seek information about alternative resources to support your loved one's needs, be they day/night companions, meals on wheels, rides to doctor appointments, groceries, etc.  If your elder is coming from a hospital situation, case managers and hospital social workers are knowledgeable goldmines regarding external resources and medicare/medicaid insurance payment of needed medical supplies; mine them fully.  Visiting Nurse organizations will do a full home assessment to determine level of care required and make suggestions.  Often, Medicare/Medicaid and private insurances pay most of this service.

When deciding on an elder institution (if that is an option you are considering), ask a lot of questions, field them not only to the 'home', but other professionals.  Hospital nurses that deal with the geriatric population often have an interesting perspective.  They see people come in from different places in different conditions, they hear and are aware of the best and worst places.  From institutions, ask for family references.  What are the activities (i.e.,  are residents ever taken off campus?), is there music, art, plant, pet therapies? What is the ratio of care, caregiver to resident?  Is there a "care for the caretaker" program helping with staff burnout? You should be able to get a rating on the establishment from the better business bureau, possibly AARP, etc.  Once an institution is decided upon, it behooves you to form congenial, informed relationships with the staff; they see you frequently, they know your expectations, they are aware of your strong advocacy for your parent.  When things go awry, a steady, calm, rational response is much more powerful than a reaction.   The former elicits respect from staff.  The latter elicits defensiveness and does not bode well for the care of your parent.  This being said, uncharacteristic strong reactions infrequently provided (and merited), are a heads up, pull-up-your-socks reminder to caretakers, which can go a long way to improving care.

For all caretakers, at any level of care, at any point in time, it should be assumed burn-out, compassion fatigue, will develop.  It is a huge undertaking having the welfare of another in your hands.  Being connected to one's breath, finding nourishing quiet moments for oneself helps to soften the hardness, opens one to another type of rest and rejuvenation.  Take care of yourself; make sure those caring for your loved one are also taking care of themselves.  It is through this regular practice where the quandaries, obstacles and difficulties are often relinquished.  Less tension in your body and in your life allow for another understanding, a possible spark of creative genius in solving a problem, an attraction to the thing or person that is needed in a moment.  This is the miracle of this process.  The process of healing a relationship, transforming a life in the middle and at the end.  This is what makes the last laps so rich, even while it is so hard.

Dispassionate Empathy

This oxymoronic term resonates curiously with what is (possibly) true.  And the seeming truth of dispassionate empathy is that it is momentary, usually fleeting and almost always misunderstood.  Why is this?  Dispassionate empathy is a delicate (yet powerful) experience that can never be static, contrived or a destiny to be reached.  Like presence or wisdom, it's a movable feast, something we travel in and out of on a momentary basis.  Our human propensity is to make and understand things hard and fast, to have things known, to be static; black and white.  Dispassionate Empathy can not be a given known.  It's an experience in an often 'gray' moment, not be harnessed.

dis·pas·sion·ate  not influenced by strong feeling; especially : not affected by personal or emotional involvement*

Dispassion is a place a lot of caretakers find themselves after having their compassion take one too many trips on the heart-pull roller coaster.  It's a survival place, a space to operate from where one can feel accomplished in their skill efficacy without taking the risk of entering the healing relationship.  It keeps them emotionally safe, fairly free of confusion and armored to the hilt.  Being habitually armored is a slow, numbing soul death, not to be wished on anyone. All caretakers are required to be compassionate, yet struggle to maintain a professional distance to avoid over-involvement.  This is between a rock and a hard-place.  Burnout is a given when sitting between these two stools, or hanging open or closed hearted; it is to be expected when a study and a practice of a therapeutic (double sided) empathy has not been seriously undertaken.

em·pa·thy: 1. the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it;  2. the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner*

I almost did not include the first definition of empathy above, as it seems to be counter to the second definition.  But I am curious and appreciate the other side of the coin, as it completes the entirety and ultimately the whole rings more true.  The imagination (being an integral part of the human makeup) is open to coincide with being available to impressions.  In that act, one's knowledge/experience base is recognized and tweaked; one feels a twinge of familiarity.  Having experienced well a feeling scenario one can:  project it onto another (if a healing hasn't been had and self asks to go there again to be healed) or if a healing has been had, one usually feels compelled to merely be with it while witnessing another find their way, somewhat separated and internally active while being externally passive (another intriguing oxymoron!).

This is a practice.  It's also a spiritual quest.  The spirit is infused in the back-and-forth of the dual action/effort of separating and resonating.  Listening, staying close to the response (not the reaction), witnessing the pull and resistance that moves from inside to out and back again.  The practice of dispassionate empathy is allowing light to filter into the quiet of an observation, remembering one's place, applying restraint when necessary and affirmation otherwise.  Mostly, dispassionate empathy is about maintaining one's inner and outer vertical, losing it and reclaiming it again, repeatedly.  It is a practice.  Some moments we are better at it than others.  When it arrives, we hope to celebrate its manifestation.  When our personal tension keeps it at bay, we hope to forgive ourselves.


* m-w.com