For Every Season: Aging Gracefully

sister knitter

If you asked any 80 year old in fair health, how old they felt, most would declare a number considerably less than their actual age.  I once saw a documentary posing this question to octogenarians and without exception this was true; ages they claimed to feel were anywhere from 9 years old to 50.

Most older folks have a tangible connection to the part of themselves that is young.  Many will say after decades of daily peering, they can’t quite believe what they see in the mirror each morning; it doesn’t jive with who they think and feel they are . For most of us that live a good long life there are a lot of transitions to go through, a host of development stages to navigate.  Moving through these various stages takes patience and forbearance on our parts. We often spend several years straddling a transition, lost in what often feels like unknown territory, until an acceptance kicks in and we start to embrace parenthood, middle-age, old-age.  Who are we?  The body may have taken on a different form, our sense of ourselves has expanded with our changing roles. This all takes some getting used to.

Taishan local

Much of how we feel about age is culturally influenced.  China, is elder-centric.  In China, seniors are revered and deferred to. Chinese bus riders wouldn’t think twice giving up their seat to someone over 50, and in fact would consider it a privilege.  In that country, I’ve heard 30-somethings bemoan they aren’t given the patience that the young receive and they aren’t old enough (over 45) to be given the status of one who counsels or is considered wise. 

Most western cultures including America, are very youth-centric.  People with gray hair or seemingly over 45 are near invisible.  Respect for life experience and longevity is minimal. Both here and Brazil (unlike many European countries) have a very specific standard of beauty.  Fashion trends are geared to the under 40 set and shrinking all the time:  Pristine 25 year olds bleach teeth, dye hair, botox, liposuction and routinely have cosmetic surgery. Elective Cesarean Sections are an option for birthing moms wanting to maintain youthful, “unstressed-looking” bodies.  Most of these impossible standards are celebrity driven (airbrush and all).

How to age gracefully. One of the more interesting aspects of a person at any age is their ability to be timeless.  A youngster who has natural insight and an uninfluenced, in-depth observational ability of human nature is a timeless human being.  (Most children in the right conditions will exhibit this extraordinary soul maturity.) An elderly person with a mischievous sense of humor and an inner joy-glow is also timeless. These qualities are unexpected and compelling because they respectively have not been gained through experience or lost through experience.  They just are. Their agedness is innate and dimensional. They are themselves despite the dictated cultural mores. And that is beautiful and commands respect.

Marguerite Wildehain

In a world that can be expected not to see or recognize one’s unique beauty, grace or fabulousness, the question when looking in the mirror is not so much, “Who is that?”  but, “What am I looking for.?”  And/or , “What am I overlooking?”  It can be hard to not only see the lost physical bloom of youth, but especially the lost spirit.  It is the spirit that is timeless (even if temporarily laid low).  Cultivating and nourishing our spirit through our timelines, affirms our inner life, excites, gives joy and engages our purpose.  These are efforts/activities that support our eternal purpose (in this life and possibly the next).  The joie de vivre one experiences helps us to accept all the physical, psychological and mental changes we experience in our continuum, affirming we are not static; not eternally young looking, not forever happy, but uniquely Ourselves.  We begin to become seamless within the inevitable transitions, the passage of time.