After doing a lot of witnessing of art, people in life and in Authentic Movement sessions as of late, I am feeling a little protective of the ordinary she in myself who is not embodied, never heard of presence or mindfulness and couldn't care less about being.
Witnessing is directly related to the amount of a fuller attention I have available in a moment. My attention is labile; it is the human condition that this is so, not a personal deficit. So, what do I have if I don't have attention? I have a self who is projecting pretty continuously, about what she is seeing and what she is experiencing. In the past, this was a fated experience to bemoan. Now, I see it differently. It seems that it is just more material, more information to help Me have a more complete picture of myself, a better understanding. If I don't turn away from the fact that it is projection, I might even have an opportunity to enjoy it.
This more relaxed attitude helps me embrace my humanity a little more fully. It keeps the judgements at bay. It gives me a larger perspective of all of me. In the past, I've leaned toward trying to grasp the experience of the open presence, the less attached attention. Perhaps it is the flexing of this "muscle", the experience of going in and out of this presence that has garnered this more free attention a little space that can observe, watch and witness when most of me is not fully there. Like a camera shutter, she glimpses the few seconds in the hours of a day the tripping, the ordinary, the hand that turns the door knob, the genius timing of the kinesthetic response, the sometime Quixote-esque self as she navigates her life.
The past's habit of almost condemning the parts of myself that are not conscious (and never will be), usually labeled "ego", and diminishing of what Is, does not seem so entrenched. Someone has stopped buying that what is ordinary is not ok. Someone has become interested in the pedestrian walking in my shoes.
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