Modern Love

It is not my habit to write about the latest sensational news.But lately, from widely different sources, essays, articles and impressions have been finding there way to me and I feel compelled to comment. The recent tragedy in Connecticut (close to my original home for decades) and its most probable link to unrecognized mental illness belay the lack of support for those suffering with mental illness (and their families) and also puts a perspective on the struggles and turning away our culture (government, insurance companies, "systems") does to ignore or deny these very real issues (which inevitably impact the general population as we saw in the Newtown, Connecticut horror). Essays such as the one on unusual Bronx nurses in public health battling with keeping teen mothers and their baby's heads above financial water and conditions absolutely stacked against any sense of wellness; psychiatrically tender college freshmen far from home requiring all sorts of professional support when overwhelm sets in.
The often tenuous mental/spirit challenged live in rough seas; those with financial resources and savvy know-how usually are able to navigate their needs successfully, while still bearing the difficulty of "otherness" which autism spectrum, development delays, mentally challenged and psych disorders reliably guarantee even under the best circumstances.  For those in any type of marginal economic situation, it is a catastrophe, as well as for those who love and take responsibility for them.  Perhaps, now we are a nation that is becoming more comfortable with otherness (legal gay marriage, persons of color in major public office, legalized recreational drug use); perhaps it is time we take on the pink elephant in the room, mental health and it's inclusion into general society, it's recognition, compassionate acceptance and a commitment toward an economic support for those struggling with it.
It is a good example what many households go through.  Terror, shame, confusion--- and mostly suffered in total isolation and invisibility. Our cultural system constructs can't acknowledge or begin to effectively deal with the Pandora's Box which is this area of healthcare. Tara Ebrahimi, wrote a recent article in the NY Times Sunday Please read this.  It's incredibly touching, a story I've seen a facsimile of time and time again working with people facing medical and mental hurdles.  A loved-one begins to decline, help is sought (over months and years) from all the right avenues and agencies (repeatedly), is not obtained despite jumping through an incredible amount of bureaucratic hoops and a family is left emotionally and financially depleted without the inner or outer resources to deal with an often impossible situation related to physical/mental/psych challenges. This courageous, loyal and loving woman finally with no other recourse, took matters into her own hands without knowing what to do, decided to Be with her brother.  She made relationship because it was the only thing to do, her only resource left. As was apparent, relationship was the thing lacking in all these other constant efforts with un-relatable In this world where it seems these challenges are exponentially increasing in incidence (ie: autism has increased to 1 in 88 births, a 1,148% growth rate), we are seeing three things: more basic life challenges for many more people, a culture and system that continues to deny not only the problem but the impact on the culture at large and we are seeing people (family members and loved ones) forced into a sensitization of self and other (such as Ebrahimi). These are people who have gone into the fire's crucible and survived with more patience, compassion, and a finely tuned depth of perception and awareness. I hesitate to call them saints; maybe invisible neighborhood prophets. They've got a world view worth proselytizing. They should be our future leaders.  They have lived the terrifying fringe, rarely have bitterness and only gratitude for the cauterizing hell they and their loved ones have been through. In them, a wisdom, understanding, moxy/chutzpah/grit has been crystallized. There is an authentic absence of greed, avarice and narcissism we are woefully needing in our public leaders today. At least in tandem with the gun control issue, if not before, the concept of Oneness needs to be addressed in this country. Relationship. Being. Being with and for, within and without. We should be looking at these courageous, loving relatives that take the monolithic Goliath systems on out of fierce devotion. We should be looking at those who have these illnesses and "otherness-es", who struggle day in and day out, who are feared for their otherness, disrespected and made invisible.  They are part of the oneness we all are living. They are our sons and mothers. They are an unrecognized brilliant facet of our whole.  We are a collective, we need to care, to include them, not shut them out. They, like we, are here for a reason, they have their part. As long as we look to blame guns (or on the other side's belief system, lack of personally held firearms), we need to look at the failure of us as a culture not taking responsibility for each other, the (community) illnesses suffered, the isolation and marginalization of our neighbors.